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|How to deal with the lies and the lying liars?|
|Aug 27, 2007 01:42|
|Have you lied to your spouse, parents or friends? I believe that almost everyone once told lies during their lives. When you find someone once told a lie to you, what will you do deal with the lie and the liar? Telling lies is forgivable or not?|
In China, if you tell lies for good intentions (white lies), no one will disclose your lies and make you embarrassed. I heard a story: A boy's brother suffered from cancer and eventually died. He was afraid that his mother could not accept this fact so that he told a lie to his mom. He said his brother had been busy with his business in other cities and could not go back for a long time. One year later, he told his mom the truth. At that time, his mom acepted the truth calmly. Just imagine that what would happen if he told his mom the truth immediately when his brother died?
Dear friends, if you were put in that situation, would you tell the truth immdiately? In another case, what will you do? You invited one of your friends for a dinner at one restaurant. He told you that he was ill and could not come with you. Well, you had to go for a dinner alone. Arriving at the restaurant, you found your friend was eating with a gang of people happily. How to deal with this? Walk to him and disclosure his lie or avoid seeing him?
|Aug 27, 2007 02:00|
|In the restaurant situation I would have to go over to their table and ask what was going on, embarass the person in front of their friends.|
|Aug 27, 2007 04:32|
|For me, " White Lies' are understandable and acceptable, since I have told several white lies to my parents. For instance, I was badly ill. I told them :' mom, I am Ok.'|
|Aug 27, 2007 07:46|
|If you are honest with people more often, you might find that they can accept the truth. The premise of white lies (that interpersonal relationships are fragile and easily broken ) isn't true, *unless* people make it that way... |
My friend, who moved to Canada, after growing up in China told me that when she went back to China, she was surprised by how many white lies her family members told each other on a daily basis. She said it bothered her they feel like they have to lie even about small things to other family members. Chinese parents also teach their kids what to tell other people and what to hide about their family (how to keep face), and it is very complicated and/or confusing. People don't even realize it until they see how Western children grow up and see what a big difference there is -- foreigners allow their kids to be more natural, rather than expect them to be little adults.
I learned from my Canadian friends that by being truthful you can find who you really are and be genuinely accepted by others as well. I have to admit that people with excellent social skills are often good at playing games (ie managing or manipulating other's feelings / thoughts), but in my opinion, white lies and playing games are not good habits to get into. Because once you can make a small lie, its only another step to making big lies.
|Aug 27, 2007 08:05|
|Sometimes it pay's to be economical with the truth to prevent hurting people's feelings, I have, but I believe if you tell a lie it will catch up with you in the end.|
|Aug 27, 2007 13:56|
|"economical with the truth" ...that is a very nice turn of phrase WESTNORWOODGAS. |
White lies appear innocent but can often become dirty white lies....
Sticking to the truth is a good thing...no lies to remember.
|Aug 27, 2007 20:21|
|I'd go away in the restaurant situation and ask my friend later.|
|Aug 27, 2007 23:09|
|I'd go away in the restaurant situation and ask my friend later. That is what Chinese people do. They do not want to make their friends feel embarrassed or lose face. Otherwise, they won't get along with each other very well.|
|May 12, 2008 08:49|
|What to do with "lying liars"? If you are studying English, you would get rid of "lying" and just use "liars". "Lying liars" is redundant like "cheating cheaters". =)|
Personally, lies are good. They add glitter to fake jewelry. They make cheap phones look like Nokias and Samsungs. They make politicians look like heroes. Ahh, what would the world be without lies...
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