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Thread: Mixed Marriages, Divorce on the rise

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[quote=GRIZ326,237263]I admire many traditional Chinese values and would take a Chinese woman as a bride if I believed we understood the difficulties ahead of us as a couple.

Understanding these problems in advance is difficult. Speaking only from a man's perspective, women seem to want to marry as soon as they find a potentially legitimate man. (Please eliminate sex from this equation)  A man is vulnerable to a woman who appears to be devoted and flatters his ego. Cultural differences are HUGE. Perhaps a man expects behavior outside of normal (but not abhorrent) wifely behavior. Or perhaps the man is so easy going the woman perceives the man as weak (by Chinese standards). Both cases are difficult to resolve based on cultural differences alone. Truly the mixing of cultures is difficult.

...and adding sex to the equation makes this even more convoluted. Many western men think sex before marriage is okay - or even necessary; Chinese women do not (from what I can tell this is probably for the better). However, adults with strong attraction will be adults, which provides a strong basis for misunderstanding. After intimacy, the Chinese woman has great, romantic, traditional hopes; while many men may not share that hope or have their optimistic thoughts shattered.  If they proceed with marriage...a difficult union is surely ahead of them.

Just consider the differences in language. It is difficult for Chinese people to understanding the subtleties of English; it is at least equally difficult for an English speaker to understand the subtleties of the Chinese language. (I have been studying the Chinese language for a year - without the benefit of a teacher - and still find meaning elusive and mysterious.)

Is there any wonder that such marriages are "fraught with peril"  (inevitable divorce)?

This is a very sad circumstance.

How does a non-Chinese man delay/put off the expectations of a Chinese woman hoping for a happy marriage and family until these cultural differences (misunderstandings) are resolved??? ...without breaking the woman's heart when she wants a husband and a traditional family???

I have not figured it out and I am entirely dumb...although sometimes this problem makes me feel entirely stupid.[/quote]

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