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Thread: European girl and chinese boy - The two-sided sword

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[quote=GUEST37105,375892]I am Western and married to a Chinese man. I have been married over 20 years, and although I can say he is a good husband, over the years, he has used the culture card a bit too much. We live in the States, so I have to depend upon what he chooses to tell his family until I decided to learn the language and now tell them myself. The down side for me is the double standard. He will say that Chinese woman never disagree, or get loud. Whatever, I have more Chinese girlfriends than any other. He is almost 50 now, so he is old school on tradition. He actually believes that if we were both to do something equally wrong to hurt each other, then for me, I would be expected to not just say sorry, but to prove myself for however long until he felt comfortable. He does not feel he should. He feels that he is not wrong, refuses to ever say sorry and withholds affection, and kindness until I submit. He feels that if he calls me, I should have no problem to tell him who and where and when, but if I were to do the same, he would get angry, and say I don't like to be questioned, I do not feel I should have to answer to you, and just craziness. He cannot take criticism at all. I have asked many places if this is in fact a culture thing as he says, and I am waiting for direct answers. The Chinese women I speak too say this is bull. If it is not, how can I get him to take responsibility for his actions? I love him very much, and I am not loud or aggressive as many describe Western women. Also not all Chinese women are quiet and submissive. There are many types in every culture. Sometimes being in a new country and marrying to get here can be a false feeling of true submission. My friend married a mail order bride, every man was impressed that she sat at his feet. After 4 years, she took his money and greencard and brought over her whole family. So please judge gently guys. Western women have many great qualities as well as Chinese. I have 3 daughters who are beautiful. They look Chinese, but are tall and thin. Any help or advice would be appreciated from anyone, if you are an asian woman and this is culture and the women just take it, how do you do it? If not, what can I try?
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