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Thread: Once you marry a Chinese woman, it is tantamount to marrying her entire family.

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[quote=GUEST12943,599576]JAYB, fantastic piece. Thanks so much for your contribution. Of course, everyone's situation is different, but the more experiences we can read about, the better picture we can paint.

I've been in a relationship with a Chinese woman for a few years. I should preface this by saying I was NOT searching for a Chinese woman -- we met in the US (she was here for school), and I felt a connection with her. She's in her mid 20's, from an upper-middle class family from one of the big cities, and no previous marriages or children. Her parents are cautiously, but genuinely supportive of our relationship (we've met). A somewhat "westernized" Chinese woman.

I see all of the positives that people have mentioned: very sweet, kind, loving, and caring. I also see many of the (objectively) negative traits: controlling/overbearing family, the "cold shoulder" approach to conflict management, and somewhat materialistic.

We are generally very happy, but do have our tiffs from time to time. Mostly cultural clashes, which WILL inevitably happen. But honestly, you cannot enter a long-term relationship and expect roses and daisies 100% of the time.

From what I've gathered, the best approach to these relationships is to try and look at conflict and cultural clash from both party's point of view. For instance, the topic of parents moving in recently came up (yikes!!) We discussed the matter for a while, where I expressed tempered disapproval of the idea. But, by considering the importance of family (and proximity of said family) of the Chinese culture, I was able to understand where she was coming from. From her point of view, this wasn't being deceitful or manipulative -- this was a genuine concern, being 1000's of miles away from her family. Her parents have since echoed my sentiments of NOT living under the same roof, but rather living in close proximity (phew!)

Relationships are about two people. We may look at Chinese women as being stereotypically submissive, but they are as much people as we are. If we are unwilling to entertain their wishes and concerns, WE are just as much a cause of the problem. The same goes true with all women -- compromise has to be made in a relationship for it to be successful.

In short, if you understand cultural differences and are BOTH willing to compromise , I don't see any reason why a relationship cannot work simply because of different ethnicities. Serious conversations must be had. Of course there will be relationships that don't succeed... just like localized relationships. If we bring a foreign woman to our home country, we must understand what she is leaving behind, and make a genuine effort to compromise and try to accommodate the culture differences. Learn Mandarin, visit China regularly, invite the family, etc.

There is a shred of truth to the stereotypes and generalizations, but only a shred -- every person is different. Us Westerners have our own stereotypes; just ask a Chinese person :)

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