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Thread: married guy dates a Chinese girl

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[quote=AMPILOT,359102]Thank you cool spring, more of the kind of commentary I was looking for.  When I read about Er'nai, I was uncomfortable, it does not sound at all like the situation that I am in or want to be in.  She is not poor or disadvantaged and while I think she might be looking for some help to come to the US, this is a far cry from the situation described as Er'nai.  Still, I was concerned about perceptions, that is, how she might see herself in this situation or how others might see it.  Don't worry, I have no idea where to even find some vulgar chinese media and have no idea what CCTV is.  It looks like a trip to Barnes and Nobles bookstore is in order so I can pick up where college social science class have left off.

On the perception issue, let me give you an example of what I am thinking about. Some years ago I was in El Salvador on business meeting a client, and afterwards he suggested I and some El Salvadoran friends meet for dinner.  At dinner, he came with a woman not quite as old as he was,  which, I assumed was his spouse.  My El Salvadoran associate with me whispered,  senor, that is not his wife, that his girl friend of 20 years.  He still lived with his wife, sometimes it seem. The El Salvadorans present seemed to think this was a situation completely unworthy of note except somebody please tell the Yank so he does not do or say anything stupid.

I traveled alot too with a Cuban distributor, and he used to tell me about all the  fantastic girl friends he had in Central America. He too was married,   I met his wife and knew most of his family, and I am pretty sure he was not telling me anything they did not know.

The thing I got about reading about Er'nai was that there was a kind of  a stigma attached to the girl who became the mistress.

Comparing an American executive who has a girl friend on the side to  a El Salvadoran executive,  I don't believe an American executive would take his mistress of 15 years to a business dinner.  The thing that would make people uncomfortable would not be the morality of the issue so much as it would be the other american executives at the dinner would be taken aback by the lack of discretion and privacy. You can do it, but we don't want to know about it, and if you do tell us, we are going to wonder how smart a business man you are.

In listening to conversations with my sisters and women colleagues at work, I don't hear them call a women who pursues a married man immoral, they just say, "that's not smart girl, you are going to get hurt".

So, where is it with the my Chinese lady friend in the islands?  If she tells her friends or a family member, will they simply say, "that's not smart girl" or will they cause her a loss of honor and respect and her self esteem suffer?  I would not want to cause that.

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