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[quote=YEMMIE,251786]Hi All,

I have been wrestling with a problem for some time and I was hoping that someone can help me understand my girl a little better. We are now in the gathering documents and filling out forms stage of a fiancee visa to bring her and her son to America. I have nearly everything I need now to begin the process. I just came home from my third visit to her.

For the most part, we get along very well. Our biggest problem is disagreements over money. I am not rich, but I am not poor either. I have a good paying job, some savings in the bank, and some investments that are growing slowly.

My girl had, at one time been a fairly successful businesswoman in China, but her business has faltered. Now, she has big dreams of studying international business in America, eventually opening an international import-export business in America and China, and becoming rich. Meanwhile, she has also been playing the stock market in China. I have agreed to help pay for hers and her son's education when they come here. And, although I don't really care about getting rich, I have said that I would be willing to try to help us do so if that is what she wants.

She says she loves me and wants to come to America, but she is also worried that I will always say no to her on issues of money and will tire of her after she comes here and will throw her out. Hence, she has been trying very hard to find a way to become financially solvent before she comes here. She is going to school shortly to study yoga instruction. When she completes her course, she will have a certificate that allows her to teach in both China and America.

I have given her a little money two times already, once to prop up her business, the other to study yoga. And I have not been tight with money during my visits. Now, she wants me to give her more to invest in the Chinese stock market. She insists that she can double our money in one year. For the most part, I believe she is sincere, but, even if she is, I am reluctant to risk more money because I feel we may need it to help to bring her and her son here and to live on, educate, etc. I am not sure that we will be able to spend the money we make in China here in America (i.e. the Chinese government will allow the money to be taken out). Also, nothing is foolproof. I worry that the market could go sour. She insists that there is no risk, that she can make money this way. She says I love money more than her. I now worry that maybe she loves money more than me.

So now, I am trying to put all of this in perspective. I can understand how she might be afraid to leave China and come to a strange land and become totally dependent on me for a while, but she sounds as though she wants to instantly step into wealth without having to work for it. I love this woman, but I am not a big big risk taker, and I sometimes feel that I am becoming a big disappointment to her.

Help me understand this. Is this simply Chinese pragmatism - wanting to make a sound choice for marriage based on both love + financial stability - or is there something ugly happening here?

Thanks everyone.[/quote]

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