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[quote=BOBERT,445294]I was devastated to find out my wife was having an affair but by turning to religion I was soon able to come to terms with the whole thing.
I converted to Islam, and we're stoning her in the morning!

Went to the pub with my girlfriend last night. Locals were shouting paedophile and other names at me just because my girlfriend is 18 and I'm 50. It completely spoiled our 10th anniversary.

The thing I love most about this hot weather is the short skirts and low cut tops.  Although they do make me look a bit gay.

Following the tragic death of the Human Cannonball at the Kent Show, a spokesman said "We'll struggle to get another man of the same calibre."

My son was thrown out of school today for having sex with girls in his class. I said "Son, that's 3 schools this year. You'll have to stop before you're banned from teaching altogether."

Just been to the gym. They've got a new machine in. Only used it for half an hour as I started to feel sick.

It's great though. It sells everything - KitKats, Mars Bars, Snickers, Crisps, the lot.."

Prince William said he didn't want the traditional fruit cake at his wedding. Prince Phillip said he didn't give a toss and went anyway.

The cost of living has now got so bad that my wife is having sex with me because she can't afford batteries.

The wife suggested I get myself one of those penis enlargers, so I did.... she's 21 and her name's Lucy.

Question - Are there too many immigrants in Britain? 17% said yes; 11% said No;   72% said "I am not understanding the question please."[/quote]

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