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Thread: Another Bride Price dilemma
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[quote=GUEST41120,457913]I have been going out with my girlfriend for 5 years and I'm thinking of asking her to marry me. She is from Shaanxi and one of the problems is the bride price. I'm only 25 and do not have anything like the £10000 (100K rmb) knocking about to pay the standard bride price. I told my family a few weeks ago and they supported me getting married to this girl but then when I told them the situation with the bride price they were horrified. I thought I'd try to come to some sort of cultural compromise and give a bride I.O.U. as I don't have the money, unlike Chinese I could never ask my parents because bride price is so contrary to Western romantic culture but even the idea that I eventually pay when I could, they found totally unacceptable. My sister was literally crying for two days under the thought that I would willingly involve myself in such a exploitative, superficial culture and that I was getting involved in a cultural scam and we had a big family argument. My parents basically said they would disown me if I paid because they couldn't believe their son would blow £10000 that he (me) didn't have on something as contemptible as a bride price, they said if I paid it I could never ask them for anything again as that would be money that I could have not had to ask them for had I not paid the bride price. I think they are not arch misers and have bankrolled my entire relationship with my gf in flights to UK and China, etc but they said that for me to lumber myself with £10000 debt in a promise would be a terrible start to my adult life. Therefore because it distressed my family so much I agreed that a bride price was a deal breaker and I would not pay it. I know a Canadian and Chinese couple in Xi'an where he has impregnated her and now married her and he has refused a bride price, also Chinese people in England do not practice it, so I began to think that maybe no foreigners practice it; however looking on this forum it seems that the travelchinaguide community is split. I don't want her family to diu lian by me not paying plus they could really use the money. To some extent I it's a moot point as at this time I don't have the money in my bank account so I would have to promise to pay it in a few years. Judging from previous threads on this forum relating to the bride price it seems it is not universal for people not to pay, plus we've been together for years and we would not be getting married to legitimise an unwanted pregnancy. I'd appreciate any thoughts on the matter. What do you think is the solution? Where do you draw the cultural line?[/quote]
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