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Thread: How to deal with criticism of Father in Law and Wife's Uncle?
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[quote=SEABISCUIT,516384]So I am an American that got married to a Chinese wife last year in Shanghai. This is our first Chinese New Year together. I speak Mandarin fluently, not perfect, but I understand most general conversations easily. Even though I have a PhD, because my bank account is less than stellar(stock market hit a few years ago), and because I do not have a car or a house here in China, (I have property overseas) and even though I have a great job here in China(Finance), I am mocked by her uncle and father as being a "poor" American, etc. The father has refused to have us over to in laws house for over 2 months now because he listened to his brother, my wife's uncle. In fact, her uncle passed the word to my wife that if she divorced me he would buy her a house. That's how demeaning and rude this guy is. My father -in-law just follows orders and walks lock step to whatever he says. No one in my wife's family has any college education. Uncle's daughter went to college I believe. And another son did not. My wife's mother has been great, and my wife's brother and sister have all defended me before such lunacy. Now father wants me there during Chinese New Year, including the uncle who criticized me, to be at my father in law's house for CNY. Are you kidding me? I need help from you guys as to what I should do. Next week I am going to buy the stuff you usually buy for Chinese New Year for the family. No problem with that. Lending 2 wan to the mother the other day, no problem. I don't mind Chinese culture. Everything has been great. Her family has been meddlesome and while most support me, the father and uncle have continually sought to humiliate me. And yes I know why. But how can I show them that I do not appreciate their words without angrily popping off to them over the dinner table and losing their face? I have no idea how I should respond. Today I angrily told my wife we are not going to anyone's house for their dinner. I didn't mean it, but short of that, I do not want to cause a scene with them. And I refuse to just take their garbage. How do I maintain my pride in myself and my family, while letting them know that I do not appreciate their criticism and constant non-stop demeaning of me before the family? Note father has not spoken to her daughter for over 2 months either. All communication is done via the mother now. [/quote]
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