| East/West relationship? Does it work? Help? | |
|---|---|
| Mar 13, 2007 06:46 |   |
 | Help please, is it usual for Eastern Lady to use dating sites, I have been in constant touch with a very nice lady who has been on her own for 4 years, she has a daughter and her husband has sadly passed. We have been emailing daily, she seems to be very nice indeed. I am thinking of travelling to see her later in the year. She seems genuine and sincere, she is 44 years old, slightly younger than myself. What sort of differences are there in an east/west romantic relationship, can anyone point me to some literature on the net regarding what to expect as I would like to do a bit of research before I fly to meet her. I would be interested to hear from chinese lady on her thoughts or indeed people in a east/west relationship. Thank you, first time poster. |
| Mar 13, 2007 11:25 | #1 |
| I imagine it is less common for a Chinese woman to use dating sites than her Western counterparts. I have found that the women are generally divorced and in their forties. My sense of previous posts here and letters with friends is that Asian men are not interested in a "discarded old woman" and seek young girls. The key signs of scams are: the woman looks like a supermodel; the woman does not respond to your questions; the woman asks for money; woman is registered in one country but lives in another. S o presuming this woman looks only normally lovely; responds to your questions; doesn't ask you for money; and lives in the same country as her dating club membership... Examine the tone of her letters. Do they display any personal intimacy - or are they very business-like? Is she using a translator? Be wary of any translator's role in helping you to communicate. I have long suspected that they use the women who seek their help - charging them large sums of money. I do not know that first hand, but it is a grave suspicion. There is one further concern with having translated love letters: you may have feelings for the translator and not the woman you are writing to. I am a bit embarassed to say that I say this with first hand experience. The language of love has a very small vocabulary. It works best for teenagers who don't usually have much to say. Spending several days with a woman you cannot speak with can become frustrating for both of you - even if you have strong feelings for each other. If you really like the woman and are comfortable that you are not being sucked into a scam, hire a translator to accompany you to lunch or the park (in this role, translators are fine). Finally, I believe your underlying question is: How will you know it is okay to put your manly moves on her? I do not know the answer to this question. People are people, there are babies the world over because deep inside of us we want the same thing and hope to find it in bed. I suspect that if you made advances, many Chinese women would submit...but not necessarily willingly with burning desire. I further suspect that if there is real love between you, you want to wait for the correct moment. I hope the women of this site can provide you a more enlighted comment in this regard. |
| Mar 14, 2007 21:57 | #2 |
| Good luck with your relationship. I think intercultural couples are really cool, mostly because they learn so much from each other's cultures. It's more difficult at the beginning because of the cultural differences, but after you learn to bridge those differences, I think it's really worth the effort. From what I see, there is a difference in communication style difference between Asians and Westerners. Chinese people use more implied communication so you need to sharpen your mind-reading skills. This especially goes for women. In Asian culture, a good husband is able to anticipate his partner's needs because she is typically a little reserved about saying them all explicitly. And I think when an Asian woman is upset, she is more likely to withhold her feelings of discontent, which has caused more than a few foreign guys some anxiety, because they don't know how to handle it. You can overcome those differences with time and good communication skills though! |
| Mar 15, 2007 05:11 | #3 |
| Hi CHYNAGYRL , you understand so well of Chinese women, I think most women are really as you say. That is the privity between each other |
| Mar 15, 2007 09:57 | #4 |
| All good advice. Move slowly and cautiously. You will never really know until you meet face to face. Language will be the biggest barrier. If the lady in question can speak English you are very fortnate, but I dare say it is only the more well educated and possibly better off women who can both speak some English and afford this kind of online dating service, but bare in mind there are a lot of women out there who are only looking for financial gains and see foreign men as a good meal ticket. These women are not stupid either. They can smell a thorn even if they see a rose. All the best. |
| Mar 15, 2007 10:32 | #5 |
| Well . . . she emails me direct, I have seen pictures of her and her daughter, she works hard, lives with her daughter of 12 years old, she does use a translator who is a friend. She takes time out to send me emails every day and all seems quite genuine. Her husband died four years ago. Im not 100 per cent sure I will actually fly out to see her yet, Im just being cautious because reality tells me that distant relationships hardly ever work. I do find her very charming and sincere. If nothing becomes of our exchanges I would like to think I have found a friend in the far east. Im sure one day I will visit China if only as a tourist. It would be nice if she had internet within her apartment, but from the little information I have about the wage structure, I would think that would be an expensive luxury out there. Thank you for your kind comments and I welcome any more contributions. |
| Mar 16, 2007 13:43 | #6 |
| I have several female friends who have started using dating websites. In their 30's they see it as a great new way to meet men. It seems that normal lifestyle does not enable them to meet many men (an vice versa). Great decision! |
Post a Reply to: East/West relationship? Does it work? Help?
Copyright © 1998-2024 All rights reserved.