Life, love, marriage. Making it work...?

Life, love, marriage. Making it work...?
Oct 28, 2007 06:08
HUIXING Points: Join Date: Oct 28, 2007 Status: offline	Hi folks, Finally signed up to seek advice from people who may have been in a similar situation. Thanks for your patience if you read through this: I'm an UK citizen (29/male) currently in BJ, China, midway through a 6-month break from the west. I'm on a tourist visa which has 10 days of the 90 left to run. Shortly after I arrived in China, I happened upon a Chinese woman (35) and we became very close, almost inseparable for that month. I visited other parts of China as planned, taking a month (we'd SMS each other many times daily and spoke at length 3-4 times a week) and then met back with her. We're even closer after the time apart and love each other. I didn't plan on this (do you ever?), but it happened. We've spoke about us being together and herein lies the difficulty. Firstly, neither of us are in debt, but we're not well-off either and we both need, and want, to work. I'd prefer to move here knowing Chinese culture and how close families are but it's very difficult for me to find a job in my field (design), they're few and far between and my Mandarin is basic which seems a prominent requirement. Plus I do not see myself (or being remotely good at) teaching English as much as I'd be willing to do it to get here. She is willing to move to the UK, at least initially, and used to be an English teacher for almost 10 years in her home city, Baotou. Now she is a translator/interpreter and part-time tour guide. Also being a BJ Normal University graduate and with the experience, it may be easier to find a job in her preferred field in the UK as a Mandarin teacher or interpreter/translator. Even so, we recognise the difficulty in securing her a visa to the UK to work or stay for any length of time. She had a study visa rejected because of the lack of funds in her bank for the last six months. Currently, I can either get a new visa from HK and return to the mainland, improve my Mandarin whilst continuing to search for a job here. But it may be fruitless. Another option is to return to the UK and find a job there (or an international company that can transfer, which also seems a remote possiblity) and a place to rent. Even so, it remains very difficult for her to join me unless she lands a job in the UK whilst still in China. [...continued in next post... too many characters...]

Oct 28, 2007 06:08

HUIXING
Points:
Join Date: Oct 28, 2007
Status: offline

Hi folks,

Finally signed up to seek advice from people who may have been in a similar situation. Thanks for your patience if you read through this:

I'm an UK citizen (29/male) currently in BJ, China, midway through a 6-month break from the west. I'm on a tourist visa which has 10 days of the 90 left to run. Shortly after I arrived in China, I happened upon a Chinese woman (35) and we became very close, almost inseparable for that month. I visited other parts of China as planned, taking a month (we'd SMS each other many times daily and spoke at length 3-4 times a week) and then met back with her. We're even closer after the time apart and love each other. I didn't plan on this (do you ever?), but it happened.

We've spoke about us being together and herein lies the difficulty.

Firstly, neither of us are in debt, but we're not well-off either and we both need, and want, to work. I'd prefer to move here knowing Chinese culture and how close families are but it's very difficult for me to find a job in my field (design), they're few and far between and my Mandarin is basic which seems a prominent requirement. Plus I do not see myself (or being remotely good at) teaching English as much as I'd be willing to do it to get here. She is willing to move to the UK, at least initially, and used to be an English teacher for almost 10 years in her home city, Baotou. Now she is a translator/interpreter and part-time tour guide. Also being a BJ Normal University graduate and with the experience, it *may* be easier to find a job in her preferred field in the UK as a Mandarin teacher or interpreter/translator. Even so, we recognise the difficulty in securing her a visa to the UK to work or stay for any length of time. She had a study visa rejected because of the lack of funds in her bank for the last six months.

Currently, I can either get a new visa from HK and return to the mainland, improve my Mandarin whilst continuing to search for a job here. But it may be fruitless. Another option is to return to the UK and find a job there (or an international company that can transfer, which also seems a remote possiblity) and a place to rent. Even so, it remains very difficult for her to join me unless she lands a job in the UK whilst still in China.

[...continued in next post... too many characters...]

Oct 28, 2007 06:09

HUIXING
Points:
Join Date: Oct 28, 2007
Status: Offline

[...continues...]

We've also discussed marriage in the next year, not as a way to solve this, but because we want to. However, reading through posts here, it's maybe not so easy for us, especially in the UK. Even to marry in China and then go to the UK is not clear cut if we need to prove we don't need 'public funds' to support us. As I said, we're not rich and would need to work and don't own property. My previous salary was UK18-20k in North-West England. Added to that, me not working for 6 months means I don't have payslips which I've seen mentioned are required for the marriage/visa process. And finally her mother may or may not need hospital treatment early next year, around the time of the Spring Festival. Her brothers and sister are not in a great position to help with the potential cost financially and so she may have to fund the majority herself, leaving her with almost nothing.

As well as that to contend with, my lady's family are constantly asking her when she'll marry. She's been in BJ for 5 years now (returned to study Literature for 3 years) and says it's changed her and broadened her outlook on life and what she wants. However, her family remain steeped in the hometown tradition of females marrying before 25-28 and are always questioning. She has turned down advances from wealthy people for an easy life many times (tour guides get this often) as she won't marry for money. Returning home for holidays and festivals is not pleasant for her now, and although she wants to visit family, the constant barrage of "did you find a boyfriend?", "when will you marry?" really get her down whilst returning to BJ makes her "free". Even a call from her family can make her unhappy because she knows what's coming.

Phew, that's a long one. I'll be emailed when there's a reply as I'm open to advice.

Regards,
Huixing [彗星]

Oct 28, 2007 13:11

GRIZ326
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Join Date: Jun 12, 2006
Status: Offline

There are financial requirements for a US citizen to bring back a spouse, so I imagine your lack of employment could be an issue in the UK as well.

Is it possible to get a job in the UK from China by working your contacts in the industry? The promise of a job on your return to the UK might satisfy the financial requirements so long as you have a good work record. ...but you need to talk with an attorney about that.

Oct 28, 2007 14:27

TONYWALES99
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Join Date: Oct 22, 2007
Status: Offline

Both try to get to a "neutrall" country, and get employment, e.g. Australia or Canada. Enter the country as single people, and after several months get married.
As a married couple, and you with a UK passport you will find it is much easier for you both to enter the UK and live. Or else return to China and live as a married couple.
Your chances of entering the UK having just married are slim. The immigration people see you as a "marriage of convenience" such as with brides from Thailand.

Oct 30, 2007 01:32

APAULT
Points:
Join Date: Mar 11, 2006
Status: Offline

I don't think you'd have much success getting into Australia. You would have to satisfy the normal entry requirements such as having required skills. I suggest you approach this in small steps and from all angles. In the short term, build up the relationship and maintain proof of it: photos together and with other people, receipts of doing things together, perhaps a formal engagement. Yes you can try to improve your mandarin but you should also check if there really are jobs if you get that skill.

Teaching is the easiest option if you have a degree, and you can get a ESL qualification through the Net. Get some experience by trying it out in some schools - many cannot afford foreign teachers and would let you come and do some classes for them. This is DEFINITELY the easiest path as you said you are willing to stay in China. If you don't have a degree it is harder but not impossible and you may have to go to a language centre.

Otherwise, can you start a business activity? That would give you considerable options for staying here.

Finally, you can consider returning to the UK and earn some money for a few months and then come over here for a while. UK savings go a very long way here. This is a good short term option and a last resort long term option.

Nov 8, 2007 20:53

BARONTWANGLE
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Join Date: Nov 7, 2007
Status: Offline

Huixing is a strange name for an English guy!

If you go to HK to obtain a new visa, how will you get there? A plane/train and hotel in HK are going to be more expensive than converting your L visa to an F visa in Beijing. I did this, and it would give you another 6 months to let the romantic dust settle and see how things turn out. With the Olympics coming up next summer, I doubt it will be too hard to find a cash in hand job somewhere. It would also give you a chance to try teaching English. I have a friend who is one of the worst people I know at English (doesn't know the difference between "there" and "their", or "beach" and "beech", yet he manages to earn a good living from it! It certainly worth a try, and even if you hate it, then at least you can cross it off the potential work list. It's very easy to teach kids, especially Chinese ones who are so willing to learn.

I lived in BJ for 6 months, and during that time I got to know the city very well, and found many great places off the tourist trail. If I was still there, I would be offering "the alternative city guide" to English speaking tourists. There are plenty of ways to make good money if you get creative (should come naturally to a designer!).

I am now living in Guangzhou, so if you go to HK on the train, let me know, and I can try to be of more help. I sympathise with your situation because it virtually mirrors mine from 2 years ago.

All the best

Dec 22, 2007 05:51	#6
GUEST35180	Something not often thought of... If you have a computer and Internet access.l.. start a business on the Internet. You can, with time and effort, grow it into more than you will need to live in China - or most anywhere. If you start it in your home country you can apply for a visa as a manager of your company. Be sure to get the legal paperwork done.

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