| What do you think of 'marriage of convenience'? | |
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| Dec 1, 2007 08:47 | #11   |
 | I think GRIZ has a point. Every marriage is a marriage of convenience because the man gets what he wants and the woman gets what she wants as well. It doesn't matter what that may be. Is wanting to get married because of wanting a family any better than one who wants to get married for money? People marry for various reasons. Incidentally, here is a very interesting article from China Daily: Breaking up not hard to do for 'me' generation (Agencies) Updated: 2007-11-28 10:26 Ten months after they tied the knot, Li Lei and Wang Yang, both 20-something Chinese professionals, decided it was time to break up so they could spend more time with their lovers. They signed on the dotted line on their divorce paper less than 20 minutes after answering "no" to a few key questions - "Do you have kids?" and "Any disputes on property?" China's phenomenal economic growth has created a generation of "emperors" and "empresses," the now-adult children of China's family planning policy, who often put their needs before anything and anyone else. Experts say many of this generation are unable to sustain relationships, a result of being spoilt only children, doted on by parents and grandparents who catered to their every whim. "They are weak in horizontal bonding, communicating with the same generation," said Professor Fucius Yunlan, a US-trained psychiatrist who runs counseling sessions in Beijing. "They tend to apply a vertical approach to horizontal relationships." With an enlarged sense of entitlement, some of these couples tend to part quickly. Counselors say some marriages fall apart after a week or a few months. Problems of the rich The problem of grown only children having difficulties sustaining relationships is particularly pronounced among the affluent middle-and upper-classes. Divorce figures in some cities show about one-third of all divorce cases involve children of the affluent "me" generation. Many parents buried themselves in work to build a better life as the country underwent fast economic growth over the past two decades just as their kids reached their teens. "They ignored the emotional education of their children," explained Prof. Fucius. But in many cases, these parents showered their children with everything that money could buy as well as the emotional weight of high expectations for their only children. Lu Qingyi, an economist and a day trader at the booming Chinese stock market, has set money aside to finance a car and a business for his 21-year-old son who is now thinking of aborting a finance degree in London to open a coffee shop in Beijing. "Actually I've prepared a contingent fund for him in case he fails in the first business," Lu added. "But of course I keep it hush-hush." |
| Dec 1, 2007 08:47 | #12 |
| Sexual mores Marriages among China's elite often seem to be more about amassing wealth than nurturing relationships, observers suggest. When a partner with better prospects comes along, some couples such as Li Lei and Wang Yang think nothing of breaking up. It's a lifestyle that contrasts sharply to that of their parents who viewed marriage as a duty and divorce a shame. "You will never ever find any trace in this generation of how we felt in the old days, guys didn't even dare touch a girl's fingers before marriage," said Gary Xu, 55, who spent his teen years herding buffalo in the remote southwest. In Xu's time, pre-marital sex could cost one a treasured job at a state-owned factory or expulsion from a prestigious university. Marriage was about a couple working together to earn a television set, a bicycle, or a fridge. "Kids today start their relationship right from the bed," said Xu. "It's a completely new generation." These days, cohabitation is commonplace and extra-marital sex is gaining acceptance. A new car, preferably a foreign brand, and a two-bedroom apartment, or at least a down payment on an apartment, is essential in a new marriage among the well-to-do. Parents also feed the idea of marrying into "the right family" with a sound financial standing. "If you marry into a rich family, you don't need to plan anything as everything will be set for you smoothly and perfectly," said a secretary, who asked not to be named. "It will be a comfortable life. Why should we endure a hard life?" ~~~ That 21-year old guy is lucky, his parents are helping him in saving and putting up a business. I have to work hard for everything I have. However, it gives me more satisfaction knowing I can make it on my own. Thanks Dad, for teaching self-reliance on your children. ^_^" |
| Dec 13, 2007 19:54 | #13 |
| Thanks for sharing with us this article, SHESGOTTOBE. To some extent, I admire my parents' lifestyle---"guys didn't even dare touch a girl's fingers before marriage. Marriage was about a couple working together to earn a television set, a bicycle, or a fridge." Both husband and wife should work hard together for their happiness, not to find a rich man or women. Through hardships, they cherish their love more and the relationship becomes stronger. This is true love. It is easy to have a comfortable life if you find a rich man or woman. But this relationship is easy to end. |
| Dec 14, 2007 06:56 | #14 |
| To some extent, I admire my parents' lifestyle---"guys didn't even dare touch a girl's fingers before marriage. Marriage was about a couple working together to earn a television set, a bicycle, or a fridge." Both husband and wife should work hard together for their happiness, not to find a rich man or women. Through hardships, they cherish their love more and the relationship becomes stronger. This is true love. It is easy to have a comfortable life if you find a rich man or woman. But this relationship is easy to end. This is the way it should be Jimmy ( except touching fingers, that is going a bit too far ), All too often people choose the other option and shorter relationships. Alan |
| Dec 14, 2007 08:57 | #15 |
| Quote, This is the way it should be Jimmy ( except touching fingers, that is going a bit too far ), Not doubt about that. All marriages, without exception have a degree of convenience to it. (ALL) |
| Dec 15, 2007 00:42 | #16 |
| Oppositely, in my hometown, the tradition is that a girl should marry a man whose family background is better than her, What do you think of it? |
| Dec 15, 2007 21:23 | #17 |
| Quote: Oppositely, in my hometown, the tradition is that a girl should marry a man whose family background is better than her. CHERYL. I can understand it. As parents, they all hope that their daughter could have a happy marriage and life. To marry a man whose family background is better than her, at least you needn't worry about your living. However, happiness doesn't just mean a rich living. |
| Jan 2, 2008 23:48 | #18 |
| I think when two people marry they should have the same goals and a compromised way of thinking. They should discuss what the other side feels about money, children, in-laws, etc. They should be honest with each other's debts, diseases, etc. Then they can get married, work together, and save for the future. It's not difficult to save when both partners have the same goals in life. It's actually probably easier to save because it's like you saving as an individual plus one more person with another income. You get to enjoy each other's company and enjoy the fact that you guys are working towards your future together. - moondollars http://community.faithvine.com/ |
| Jan 10, 2008 01:30 | #19 |
| Quote: This is the way it should be Jimmy ( except touching fingers, that is going a bit too far ). Am I so conservative and shy in your eyes, Alan? After a second thought, I think I am. I am not brave enough to kiss my girlfriend (if I find her), not brave enough to say 'I love you' in front of many people. Why? I am too stingy to share my happiness with others. Our happiness just belongs to us. Thus, I will kiss her and say ' I love you' privately. Just kidding. BTW, touching fingers (or we should say taking hands in public) is acceptable :-) |
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