| What should Americans learn from Chinese? | |
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| Nov 28, 2007 02:35 |   |
| guestFLY | Recently, a friend of mine told me his experience in the USA: Paul, an American who has a strong interest in China, asked such a question. I was confused by such a sudden question and didn’t know what the best answer is. Paul sighed, “Chinese people are quite filial. The parents, their children and the grandsons lived under the same roof. We Americans envy you in this aspect.. I have ever heard a saying that America is a paradise for children, a battlefield for youngsters and a grave for the old. He felt surprised at Paul’s words. I was wondering if Americans didn’t show respect for the senior citizens. My friend began observing the living state of “American senior citizens” carefully. He found that the young seldom stay with the elder. The old people usually live their lives alone. They drove on their own to go shopping and vacation despite of being 60-70 years old. Seldom were the old and the young jointly present on a certain public occasion. My friend concluded that American senior citizens felt lonely despite the fact that USA has a very sound pension system. After hearing this story, I silenced for a while. Is this the real case of America? A paradise for kids, a battlefield for the young, a cemetery for the old? If so, Filial piety is a virtue of Chinese people. Americans must learn from Chinese, learn to be filial. I hope this is not the real case. |
| Nov 28, 2007 09:55 | #1 |
 | There is considerable truth in what you were told. In many American families, children "leave the nest"/"move out of the house" when they graduate high school or college to be "on their own." The children rarely provide support and care for their parents as their parents approach retirement. When the parents become old, they often go into "assisted living" apartments to be in a community of senior citizens. When the parents become sickly, the children often "put them" into "nursing homes" so that they "get proper care." This approach to parents by children is not uncommon in America. In other American families, one of the children some how becomes the keeper of the parents. As the eldest and unmarried son, I quit my job to help my mother care for my father when his health took a turn for the worst. When he died, I returned to my life. I will do the same when my mother's health fails. It is worth noting that many American parents are happy to have their children "out on their own" so that they can "have their lives back." My father bought himself a fishing boat and went fishing in the ocean every day; he had a wonderful time in his last years. My mother loves playing the card game "bridge" with her friends. The aging American parents love their grandchildren and often "babysit" (care for their grandchildren) while the grandchild's parents have private time together. But the grandparents are "always happy to give them (their grandchildren) back (back to the child's parents)." American family is much different than Chinese family and the modern feminist movement has done great damage to the family structure as I saw it as a child. Today the father role in the family has been de-valued. Many American women do not believe a father is a necessary part of raising a child. There is no question that the differences in American and Chinese family life are great; and that I would give the advantage to Chinese family life. However, modernization is already changing Chinese family life; eventually, the "modern family" model will be sold into China. |
| Nov 28, 2007 14:40 | #2 |
| I lived both in East and West and I can say that there are advantages and disadvantages to both. More often in the East, the children live with their parents even after they're married. Advantage : The parents don’t feel left alone. They can also take care of the grandchildren which eliminates the need for babysitters. Disadvantage : Conflict usually arises. The more people there are living in one roof, the more there is tension, the more people to please, and the more people to get along with. In the West, the children usually leave the parental home and start a life of their own when they turn 18. Advantage : Considerable amount of freedom for everyone involved. The parents can enjoy their retirement. The kids enjoy their freedom as well, whether it involves their personal life, career or studies. They are certainly the masters of their lives in this situation. Disadvantage : Parents are usually left alone which gives the impression of a weak family system. While it is true that many American families live separately, I am a witness to the fact that many of them take care of their parents. My officemate Barb drives her 75-year old mother to the doctor and the bank. She also shops groceries for her. My other officemate Mike lives not too far from his parents so that they could visit them almost everyday. Almost everyone I know who has parents and has a family of their own do these same rituals. Siblings take turns in driving or visiting their parents. Everyone also gathers during holidays and summer backyard barbecue. |
| Nov 28, 2007 20:41 | #3 |
| Griz326, I agree with you on most part of your posts. Especially, your statement that "modernization is already changing Chinese family life; eventually, the "modern family" model will be sold into China." is quite insightful. Well, I am just a little bit confused about this passage: >>American family is much different than Chinese family and the modern feminist movement has done great damage to the family structure as I saw it as a child. Today the father role in the family has been de-valued. Many American women do not believe a father is a necessary part of raising a child.<< The father's role has been devalued? Why don't American women believe a father is a necessary part of raising a child? Psychologists and behavioral scientists have repeatedly stated that single-parent family is not good for the healthy growth and development of Children. I will appreciate if you could make your points more explicitly. |
| Nov 29, 2007 20:56 | #4 |
| Quote: "After hearing this story, I silenced for a while. Is this the real case of America? A paradise for kids, a battlefield for the young, a cemetery for the old? If so, Filial piety is a virtue of Chinese people. Americans must learn from Chinese, learn to be filial. I hope this is not the real case." Almost all societies face the same problem: caring for senior citizens. " Not only America is paradise for kids, a battlefield for the young, a cemetery for the old, but China." The Chinese virtue of "filial piety" is declining. |
| Nov 29, 2007 23:43 | #5 |
| GUEST1130 | The Chinese virtue of "filial piety" is declining. I don't think so, at least i don't see the filian piety declining in my circle of friends, siblings etc. |
| Dec 1, 2007 16:40 | #6 |
| >>>Why don't American women believe a father is a necessary part of raising a child? LEONARDO I do not know why many American women believe the happy horse manure spread by feminists. I do know that Farah Fawcett said in a woman's magazine article long ago that women do not need men to have children. She meant it. A good number of women have children with no intentions of keeping the boyfriend around (although they usually want money for child support). I see this within my company and in my town as well. I actually asked a woman here in town why she had a child and immediately dumped the boyfriend; she said because she wanted to. When I was a boy, the men lived a home with their children and their wife. They took an active role in raising their children. With divorce as common as it is today, men often are not living with their children so contact is limited. |
| Dec 2, 2007 20:22 | #7 |
| SHESGOTTOBE "I lived both in East and West and I can say that there are advantages and disadvantages to both" You have give an unbiased analysis of the family ties in the East and the West. It sounds that the western family tie permits individual to have more freedom then the Eastern one.Which kind of family ties do you prefer, the Eastern one, or the Western one? |
| Dec 3, 2007 19:40 | #8 |
| >> I actually asked a woman here in town why she had a child and immediately dumped the boyfriend; she said because she wanted to. " Griz326, thank you for your reply. This case really surprises me a lot. Wow, this is a headache question. I really can not understand. IMO, both a father's love and a mother's love is essential for Children's healthy growth.A family without a father is not a sound family. Could children grow up both emotionally and mentally health in such an environment? Unbelievable. Well, I feel quite dizzy now. |
| Dec 3, 2007 20:06 | #9 |
| JimmyB, it's like asking which one likes better, spaghetti or lasagna? ^_^" Although I have experienced and understood the merits of the Western concept, I can say that I am happy with the Eastern since I am from the East too. LOL! Wow, how biased can I get? Simply put, I love the family closeness we have there. My whole family lives in the same compound. I am happy when I see them that way. |
| Dec 11, 2007 02:48 | #10 |
| Not only America but other parts of the world is a paradise for children, a battlefield for youngsters, a tomb for the old. When children become fledged, they naturallly leave the nest. The senile birds are left alone to spend their lives. This is quite natural. |
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