To speak or not to speak

To speak or not to speak
May 2, 2008 04:39
guestwilliam	I read a book on Chinese culture, the writer wrote the following: “ The Chinese expression of ganqing(affection) is embedded in the acts of helping and caring fopr one another rather than in overt verbal messages. To Chinese, feelings are not to be spoken but to be sensed and discerned.” Do you think if it is true? When young people are dating, do you think this is the best way for them for them to express their affection? Do you think that couples should express what they feel verbally? I also heard that Chinese people don’t think it is a good idea to date widely. In the western society, westerners think it is good for people to date at least several other people before finally choosing someone to marry.

May 2, 2008 04:39

guestwilliam

I read a book on Chinese culture, the writer wrote the following: “ The Chinese expression of ganqing(affection) is embedded in the acts of helping and caring fopr one another rather than in overt verbal messages. To Chinese, feelings are not to be spoken but to be sensed and discerned.”

Do you think if it is true? When young people are dating, do you think this is the best way for them for them to express their affection? Do you think that couples should express what they feel verbally?

I also heard that Chinese people don’t think it is a good idea to date widely. In the western society, westerners think it is good for people to date at least several other people before finally choosing someone to marry.

May 2, 2008 09:39

JSUMMERS83
Points:
Join Date: Apr 30, 2008
Status: Offline

Although things are changing in the bigger cities as western ways make their way across the ocean, the idea that feelings are to be sensed and not spoken remains true for the majority of China. As a foreigner who has lived in a more secluded city here for the past two years, I can count on one hand the number of times I have heard any husband tell his wife that he loves her - and I'm not using all of my fingers. To speak of such things can make people a bit uncomfortable.

As for students, at least outside the bigger cities, dating before college is a bit rare. The reason is the fierce competition to get into college and the pressure that parents put on their kids to do well as students, score high on placement tests, and get a good education. This leaves little time for "dating" as we know it in the west.

Once dating does begin, as far as I can tell the Chinese don't date widely. Most dating is begun in a group setting and continues in such a way for quite a while. I'm still trying to get a grasp of how they get married, though - it seems quite different from what we're used to.

May 2, 2008 20:26	#2
ICEBLUE Points: Join Date: Aug 30, 2007 Status: Offline	“ The Chinese expression of ganqing(affection) is embedded in the acts of helping and caring for one another rather than in overt verbal messages. To Chinese, feelings are not to be spoken but to be sensed and discerned.” Yes, it is the Chinese understanding of affection. Sometimes, it is hard for a Chinese man to speak out " I love u" though he loves his lover deeply.

May 3, 2008 20:29	#3
ALICIAYIYI Points: Join Date: Apr 21, 2008 Status: Offline	Well, not exactly, most people can tell their feelings to the person sho they love.

May 8, 2008 21:46	#4
OLIVETREE Points: Join Date: Mar 23, 2008 Status: Offline	To JSUMMERS83 , Once dating does begin, as far as I can tell the Chinese don't date widely. Most dating is begun in a group setting and continues in such a way for quite a while. Where are you based? People around me dated widely before marriage. Dating widely can assure lifetime happiness. The arranged marriage or dating is becoming rare. Single-single dating is more common.

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