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Engagement and Marriage
May 3, 2008 03:52
  • JSUMMERS83
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Living here in China I have attended a couple weddings. I think it's fascinating all the different similarities and differences that there are between Chinese and American weddings - but that's talk for another thread. What I can't seem to gather from merely observing is how a couple gets engaged and when a couple is actually married in China.

The reason for the question is this: I have Chinese friends who applied for and received what they translate as a "marriage book" a full year and a half before their actual wedding ceremony (actually, they had two ceremonies over a two and a half year span). I have another set of friends who have had a ceremony but waited to apply for this marriage book for reason unclear to me. When are they officially married?

It also seems to me that there is no "engagement" as we would know it in the west. It's almost like they just decide over dinner one day to get married. They buy a home together, and when it is finished and furnished they get the marriage book and have a ceremony. Is this correct?
May 3, 2008 21:44
#1  
  • LEONARDO
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JSUMMERS83
Ha! You are a careful observer!

The traditional Chinese marriage custom has somewhat declined. In the past, Chinese people followed the principle of Three Letters And Six Etiquettes: Betrothal Letter, Gift Letter and Wedding Letter.
Six Etiquettes:
Proposing,
Birthday matching
Presenting betrothal gifts:
Presenting wedding gifts,
Picking a wedding date,
Wedding ceremony
The Three Letters and Six Etiquettes are essential to a marriage for Chinese in the past. Today, the formality has become more flexible.

The cases you mentioned above is only a matter of lawful marriage and actual marriage. "Marriage book" (marriage certificate) is a proof that a coutry's law recognized a man and a woman as a lawful couple, which aims to ensure each party's rights and commitment in the relationship. Once a marriage certificate was issued, each party's rights will be protected by law. In terms of law, the date when a marriage certificate takes effect is the time when a man and a woman are officially married.
May 3, 2008 22:51
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  • MARRIE
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In China, no engagement, and after marriage wife doesn't change her surname to husband's and doesn't add her husband surname before hers after 1949.
May 3, 2008 22:59
#3  
  • JSUMMERS83
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LEONADO

Thanks for your input. I've never heard of this custom before, not even in the least bit. When you say it's become more "flexible", I think that's quite an understatement!
May 3, 2008 23:01
#4  
  • JSUMMERS83
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"In China, no engagement, and after marriage wife doesn't change her surname to husband's and doesn't add her husband surname before hers after 1949."

Are you implying that before 1949 surnames of the wife were changed to the husbands?
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