| Lets Talk Money and Marriage............. | |
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| Aug 24, 2008 08:49 |   |
 | My future Lao Po will be arriving in the US in a few months (US Consulate willing). We have a wonderful relationship and are able to discuss many topics which will inevitably arise once she arrives. I have agreed to offer some financial support for a child that will remain in China for a year or two while he completes some schooling there. Once we are married we plan to start a family right away, Chun will stay at home for a year or two, while taking some college courses and taking care for the child(she works as an accountant in China). My question is : what suggestions does anyone have with regard to handling finances in this situation. Considering I'm the bread winner, so to speak, do I take control? Should I open an joint account, fund the account with monthly expenses with a little buffer so she can have some money to spend without my scrutinizing it? I feel that everyone needs some "attitude money" without asking their partner about every purchase , if it's not exorbitant. Do I let her handle the expenses? Maybe I should pay all the bills and then give her a certain "allowance" ? I don't want money to be something we argue about, I don't make allot of money beinng a teacher, so the budget will be somewhat tight. DO CHinese women have strong feelings about who controls the finances? I don't wnat this discussion to be so Chinese specific. I think any newly married couple would have the same concerns. Any advice or experiences as to what works or doesn't work? Thanks |
| Aug 24, 2008 21:43 | #1 |
| My experience in a similar situation in the past is that you must remain in control. (I didn't!). My thinking now is that you set up a household account or something like that and pay a suitable amount into it. You can decide whther all expenses will come from it, such as utilities, or just the routine day to day expenses. To be realistic, the western financial and business system is different form China;s and more complex, so your wife will initially not have the expertise to manage it as well as you can. |
| Aug 24, 2008 23:55 | #2 |
| Hey whats up Inquiet, I haven't gotten married yet or have any experience such as Apault but I can offer you want my father did regarding this issue. In your case, you should set up a joint account with your new wife's name on the account (unless you don't trust her). My mother and father both set up accounts with both names and my dad handles all the bill paying, deposits etc and my mom would just withdraw money to pay for food and family stuff. Its not just Chinese women but all women in general would have some feeling towards having a say in there financial situation. To not have a voice in this relationship and have to ask for money to buy groceries could create problems, which is how my parents worked towards a system that works for them. All accounts have both names so that there is no argument and my mother never has to ask for money to buy groceries and supplies. Inquiet, this may be overreaching of me but I wanted to throw this thought in since this subject is about Chinese wife+finances+living in US+ buffer zone but have you ever thought about the Chinese Filial Piety Stipend? LOL its not actually a real term but I believe every Chinese born male or female has this responsibility instilled in them and that since you marry a Chinese female that it has to come up sooner or later. Such as for me, I expect that when I do marry that my Chinese wife and I will arrange the financial situation to our liking as well as factor in a monthly stipend for her parents because I will have married there only child. Just food for thought, Good Luck Danny |
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