Would like marry into and live with your wife’s family?

Would like marry into and live with your wife’s family?
Oct 21, 2008 01:02
JIMMYB Points: Join Date: Feb 7, 2007 Status: offline	Did you hear “到插门” or “入赘” before? “入赘” is the formal saying of “倒插门”, meaning “marry into and live with your wife’s family”. In ancient times, if a man married a woman, changed his family name to his wife’s and lived in his wife’s family, he would be called “上门女婿(A live-in son-in-law)”. In fact, he played the role of the son of his wife’s parents. In the past, it was a derogatory term. If you became a “上门女婿”, you would be looked down by others. People just thought that you were incapable and just depended on a woman. Today “上门” or “入赘”, whatever, has revived again and it has become some men’s rational choice. The following are two modes of modern “入赘”: First, the man is not a local somewhere but gets married with a local girl who is the only child in her family. After getting married, he settles down in her wife’s family and takes the responsibility to look after his parents-in-law. Second, both the man and the woman are locals. After getting married, the man has two choices: living in her wife’s family or buying an apartment near his wife’s home. You see, the man arranges his life and work considering of his wife and parents-in-law. This phenomenon has become very popular and ordinary in modern cities. Why do men choose to be “live-in sons in-law? Most of them do not have enough money to afford an apartment let alone a car. Without other choices, they “marry into and live with his wife’s family”. If you were put in this situation, would you marry into and live with your wife’s family?

Oct 21, 2008 01:02

JIMMYB
Points:
Join Date: Feb 7, 2007
Status: offline

Did you hear “到插门” or “入赘” before? “入赘” is the formal saying of “倒插门”, meaning “marry into and live with your wife’s family”. In ancient times, if a man married a woman, changed his family name to his wife’s and lived in his wife’s family, he would be called “上门女婿(A live-in son-in-law)”. In fact, he played the role of the son of his wife’s parents. In the past, it was a derogatory term. If you became a “上门女婿”, you would be looked down by others. People just thought that you were incapable and just depended on a woman.

Today “上门” or “入赘”, whatever, has revived again and it has become some men’s rational choice. The following are two modes of modern “入赘”:

First, the man is not a local somewhere but gets married with a local girl who is the only child in her family. After getting married, he settles down in her wife’s family and takes the responsibility to look after his parents-in-law.

Second, both the man and the woman are locals. After getting married, the man has two choices: living in her wife’s family or buying an apartment near his wife’s home. You see, the man arranges his life and work considering of his wife and parents-in-law. This phenomenon has become very popular and ordinary in modern cities.

Why do men choose to be “live-in sons in-law? Most of them do not have enough money to afford an apartment let alone a car. Without other choices, they “marry into and live with his wife’s family”. If you were put in this situation, would you marry into and live with your wife’s family?

Oct 21, 2008 03:56	#1
GAFFER Points: Join Date: May 22, 2008 Status: Offline	Interesting story Jimmy, but isn't it also traditional for the son (and his wife) to take care of his parents? Are there different traditions in different parts of China or does it simply depend on circumstances?

Oct 21, 2008 09:26	#2
CARLOS Points: Join Date: Sep 10, 2007 Status: Offline	I definitely would in any circumstances even think about that! Carlos

Oct 21, 2008 09:28	#3
CARLOS Points: Join Date: Sep 10, 2007 Status: Offline	Ehh... did I say I would or I would not? Mean not. Perhaps should go to school again before I say something more I think I don´t mean. Or mean??? Cosrla

Oct 21, 2008 21:18

JIMMYB
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Join Date: Feb 7, 2007
Status: Offline

GAFFER, traditionally the girl will marry in and live with her husband's family. As I have said, if the man has a choice, he won't marry in and live with her wife's family. I am not sure if the tradition are the same in all parts of China. Some minorities may have different tradtions compared with Han people.

Carlos, I am totally confused about what you said. You are willing to be a "上门女婿"?

Oct 22, 2008 09:06	#5
CARLOS Points: Join Date: Sep 10, 2007 Status: Offline	Jimmy, so am I, so am I. Finally, I don´t know what i said, heh. No, I would not under any circumstances be willing to live in my wife´s family. If man is not capable to take care of his family then he should not marry at all. Carlos

Oct 22, 2008 20:52	#6
JIMMYB Points: Join Date: Feb 7, 2007 Status: Offline	If man is not capable to take care of his family then he should not marry at all. Couldn't agree with you any more, Carlos. Young couple better have their own family.

Jul 3, 2009 02:26	#7
GUEST14811	hi i am a filipina and my boyfriend is a chinese live in china. and he want me to go to their place to marry me. were do i have to go to made all of my papers?

Nov 13, 2009 23:09	#8
GUEST05150	i am from Bhutan, its both the couple are equally responsible for their parents. There shouldnt be a bias feeling. But its good to settled togather and not live with the family.

Dec 29, 2009 21:50	#9
LONELYJOURNEY Points: Join Date: Oct 28, 2009 Status: Offline	Did you hear “到插门” or “入赘” before? “入赘” is the formal saying of “倒插门”, meaning “marry into and live with your wife’s family”. Jimmyb, in ancient times, those men who marry into and live with their wive's families have to change their sunames. This means your kids have to follow your wife's surname. For some people, it is a humiliation.

Jan 15, 2010 03:14

#10

KEVIN0518
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Join Date: Mar 13, 2007
Status: Offline

Quote:

Originally Posted by LONELYJOURNEY

Did you hear “到插门” or “入赘” before? “入赘” is the formal saying of “倒插门”, meaning “marry into and live with your wife’s family”.

Jimmyb, in ancient times, those men who marry into and live with their wive's families have to change their sunames. This means your kids have to follow your wife's surname. For some people, it is a humiliation.

If a girl marries a man, she needn't follow her husband's surname but people seldom called their surname. They just call XXX's wife. And their child usually follow their dad's surname too.

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