Help... A question to all the relationship experts out there...

Help... A question to all the relationship experts out there...
Dec 17, 2010 07:46
guestConfused	Hey all, What do you think: I'm an unemployed American (Caucasian) attending college for a degree to help my career. I've been dating a Chinese-born advanced college student (from the Hong-Kong area) over the past 3 years. She came to the US a few months before we met, and lives with family. She's in her mid-twenties, I mid-thirties. I'm her first Love, as she says. Some of her family members already hold Green Cards in America, and her parents will soon be here in a few years. Her fluency in English is superb (along with Cantonese and Mandarin), and we talk about everything. She smarter than me, at least educationally. Although we have fun intimately, and we both satisfy the other, she wants to remain pure until marriage which I respect. Marriage wont be until another few years, if it happens. She seems to be a nice and caring soul, and works a lot at various jobs. She seems to be a little bossy at times. Also, her mom was the breadwinner in the family. She was not spoiled, growing up in a middle-class lifestyle, although she did not begin working until 2 years ago. Her family (in both China and US) have not met me, but know of me but not much about me. To her friends at school, I'm only a friend. Some of her close friends know about our relationship, while others do not. All this has made me in some ways, uneasy. Because of this and other reasons, I started dating someone else about half-year ago (an experienced American similar to me in age and personality). More passion exists between the American and myself. I've also opened up to her more emotionally in a much shorter timespan too. It seems we're on the same level, in many ways, and that we can both help each other out. I've been introduced to some of her family, and will meet her parents soon. To make matters even more confusing, the Chinese and the American both know about each other, although I've told them both I will decide which one to continue with soon. But even before I told them, I talked about breaking up to the Chinese, or to open our relationship so she could possibly date other people as well, since I'm her first boyfriend. She does not want to. Even after I told her, she still refuses to break up with me, giving explanations as to why we shouldn't and the like. She cherishes our communication, and she seems to be ok with my infidelity, even though she's cried a lot. Overall, because the Chinese doesn't want to split, and that there are qualities in both I like, I'm having trouble on which path to take. What's the Chinese underlying purpose; is it actually Love, a mixture of reasons, or something else entirely? These and other questions abound in my head. In the long run, there's probably a better security ending with the Chinese, if it is truly authentic. But on the other hand, what is security if little or nothing else exists? (I've been there before, and I don't want to go there again). I've never dated a Chinese woman before, so hence this post.

Dec 17, 2010 07:46

guestConfused

Hey all,

What do you think:

I'm an unemployed American (Caucasian) attending college for a degree to help my career. I've been dating a Chinese-born advanced college student (from the Hong-Kong area) over the past 3 years. She came to the US a few months before we met, and lives with family. She's in her mid-twenties, I mid-thirties. I'm her first Love, as she says. Some of her family members already hold Green Cards in America, and her parents will soon be here in a few years.

Her fluency in English is superb (along with Cantonese and Mandarin), and we talk about everything. She smarter than me, at least educationally. Although we have fun intimately, and we both satisfy the other, she wants to remain pure until marriage which I respect. Marriage wont be until another few years, if it happens. She seems to be a nice and caring soul, and works a lot at various jobs. She seems to be a little bossy at times. Also, her mom was the breadwinner in the family. She was not spoiled, growing up in a middle-class lifestyle, although she did not begin working until 2 years ago.

Her family (in both China and US) have not met me, but know of me but not much about me. To her friends at school, I'm only a friend. Some of her close friends know about our relationship, while others do not. All this has made me in some ways, uneasy.

Because of this and other reasons, I started dating someone else about half-year ago (an experienced American similar to me in age and personality). More passion exists between the American and myself. I've also opened up to her more emotionally in a much shorter timespan too. It seems we're on the same level, in many ways, and that we can both help each other out. I've been introduced to some of her family, and will meet her parents soon.

To make matters even more confusing, the Chinese and the American both know about each other, although I've told them both I will decide which one to continue with soon. But even before I told them, I talked about breaking up to the Chinese, or to open our relationship so she could possibly date other people as well, since I'm her first boyfriend. She does not want to. Even after I told her, she still refuses to break up with me, giving explanations as to why we shouldn't and the like. She cherishes our communication, and she seems to be ok with my infidelity, even though she's cried a lot.

Overall, because the Chinese doesn't want to split, and that there are qualities in both I like, I'm having trouble on which path to take. What's the Chinese underlying purpose; is it actually Love, a mixture of reasons, or something else entirely? These and other questions abound in my head.

In the long run, there's probably a better security ending with the Chinese, if it is truly authentic. But on the other hand, what is security if little or nothing else exists? (I've been there before, and I don't want to go there again).

I've never dated a Chinese woman before, so hence this post.

Dec 18, 2010 21:35

CHERRY07
Points:
Join Date: Mar 23, 2008
Status: Offline

GUESTCON，

You’d better deal with your relationship with that Chinese girl carefully. You are her first love and she has no experience before. And you said that she wanted to keep her virginity until you get married. See, she is very traditional. If you do not handle it properly, she will get hurt badly.

There is a post “Hong long does it take to forget your first love” in this forum. If you read it you will find that most people admit that they can not forget their first love easily. It is the same to the girl.

Maybe it is due to culture difference. It is ok to have relationships with two or even more girls for a man like you. But Chinese people do not think so. Chinese people are more serious in relationship issue. Loyalty is very important. If my boyfriend sits on two chairs, I will break up with him immediately.

Just make your decision immediately no matter whom you will choose. Do not hurt two women’s hearts at the same time.

I am a Chinese girl and the above is just my view.

Dec 19, 2010 03:29	#2
LONELYJOURNEY Points: Join Date: Oct 28, 2009 Status: Offline	I agree with Cherry. Girls are not like men. When she loves someone, she will devote all herself to her man. BUT some men can love several women at the same time. I didn't do this but I really want to know if it is real love or just lust. Please do not hurt her anymore. Break-up is the best choice since you already have a new partner.

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