early mid-life crisis for Chinese male

early mid-life crisis for Chinese male
Dec 15, 2012 07:27
guest78139	I am a banana (born in North America, parents are Chinese) who can''t communicate in any Chinese dialect. I am in my early 30s and have a career in Tech. Where I work, I am at the bottom of the corporate ladder with a middle-class salary. I am very aware living at home still in early 30s is extremely unattractive but cost of living is high and I want to save up to buy a house. The girl I was seeing told me my situation was not a bad. I''m shy, not a party animal, gave up some habits and nerdy hobbies before meeting the girl. The circumstances as to how we met each other would be considered a miracle. She was in her late 20''s. Very pretty and career-oriented. She works part-time and studies full-time. Her behavior and style is elegant. I could not believe I finally met my dream-girl. First-time dating ever for the both of us. After dating this girl for a few months, I have the desire to get a job with better salary but most jobs nowadays - where I am at least - require higher education. Almost no way around it unless I''m am best friends with the CEO, etc. We were both aware higher education usually doesn''t always make a person better but it''s the piece of paper that counts in today''s job hiring practice. I''m not thinking about myself but the both of us in the long-term and our future together. Fast-forward a month or so. We went on a date and at the end of it, she seemed sad and I asked to know why. She wasn''t willing to reveal any details but I tried my best to comfort her. Shortly after, she breaks up with me. She wasn''t able to explain why but tried to reassure me she did not leave me for another guy. I''m still struggling to figure out if she was lying or guess what her true reasons were. I''m will proceed with my education plans but wish she was with me along the way. On the other hand, I don''t want to be derailed because of another breakup. Thoughts of meeting other girls when I return to school ... moot point because Tech is such a sausage-fest. Outside of of Tech, most girls I met or know say I''m cool but their words are sarcastic and meaningless to me because they only say stuff to get preferential treatment. Either that or they are not single. Even if they or their girl-friends (including Chinese girls) were single, they don''t want to be seen near a single-Chinese guy in his 30s unless he is filthy rich or pretending to be rich ... I know there''s the old saying of fish in the sea but considering my age, I don''t think that applies to me anymore. What is the prospect for a single, shy, Chinese male who will be in his mid-30s in a few years, with a mediocre salary by North-American standards? I''ll tell you: NONE! Sorry if I sound mean and destroying hope to those in the same boat as me but this is how I feel! My life really feels like it''s over and there''s no hope. I wanted to get this off my chest so sorry for the long rant. Happy holidays to you all! I know mine is going to be the most miserable one ever.

Dec 15, 2012 07:27

guest78139

I am a banana (born in North America, parents are Chinese) who can''t communicate in any Chinese dialect. I am in my early 30s and have a career in Tech.

Where I work, I am at the bottom of the corporate ladder with a middle-class salary. I am very aware living at home still in early 30s is extremely unattractive but cost of living is high and I want to save up to buy a house. The girl I was seeing told me my situation was not a bad.

I''m shy, not a party animal, gave up some habits and nerdy hobbies before meeting the girl. The circumstances as to how we met each other would be considered a miracle.

She was in her late 20''s. Very pretty and career-oriented. She works part-time and studies full-time. Her behavior and style is elegant. I could not believe I finally met my dream-girl. First-time dating ever for the both of us.

After dating this girl for a few months, I have the desire to get a job with better salary but most jobs nowadays - where I am at least - require higher education. Almost no way around it unless I''m am best friends with the CEO, etc.

We were both aware higher education usually doesn''t always make a person better but it''s the piece of paper that counts in today''s job hiring practice. I''m not thinking about myself but the both of us in the long-term and our future together.

Fast-forward a month or so. We went on a date and at the end of it, she seemed sad and I asked to know why. She wasn''t willing to reveal any details but I tried my best to comfort her.

Shortly after, she breaks up with me. She wasn''t able to explain why but tried to reassure me she did not leave me for another guy. I''m still struggling to figure out if she was lying or guess what her true reasons were.

I''m will proceed with my education plans but wish she was with me along the way. On the other hand, I don''t want to be derailed because of another breakup. Thoughts of meeting other girls when I return to school ... moot point because Tech is such a sausage-fest.

Outside of of Tech, most girls I met or know say I''m cool but their words are sarcastic and meaningless to me because they only say stuff to get preferential treatment. Either that or they are not single. Even if they or their girl-friends (including Chinese girls) were single, they don''t want to be seen near a single-Chinese guy in his 30s unless he is filthy rich or pretending to be rich ...

I know there''s the old saying of fish in the sea but considering my age, I don''t think that applies to me anymore.

What is the prospect for a single, shy, Chinese male who will be in his mid-30s in a few years, with a mediocre salary by North-American standards? I''ll tell you: NONE!

Sorry if I sound mean and destroying hope to those in the same boat as me but this is how I feel! My life really feels like it''s over and there''s no hope.

I wanted to get this off my chest so sorry for the long rant.

Happy holidays to you all! I know mine is going to be the most miserable one ever.

Dec 16, 2012 06:58

GUEST32194

There is more to a relationship than looks, education, money and prospects. (Your Chinese genes are showing). The most important factor is "connection". If you do not connect, the relationship is doomed. Perhaps your personalities didn't gel. Maybe you didn't excite her imagination. Obviously she decided you were not compatible but was too embarrassed or maybe thought it cruel to enlighten you. Try and determine what attracts girls to your friends and ask yourself, "am I different?" and if so what do I need to fix this.

Dec 17, 2012 13:22

GUEST24212

Listen, you feel sorry for yourself too much and you make assumptions that are generally mistaken.

Concentrate on your education right now and on your career as soon as you finish with a higher degree. Then go fishing. You will find a good catch if you are patient.

Rule of nature: in 10 years you will be "young" and wealthier, but the girls you're looking at now will be "old".

Been there, seen that.

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