| different attitude to love and marriage | |
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| May 26, 2006 12:12 | #11   |
 | Nicely put Alault!! Personal experience:( #1.I live in a very small town and you pretty much know everyone if not by name by just seeing them and there are many that you see out and about with someone other then their husband or wife. #2.My mother walked out on my dad after 45 years of marriage because his health was getting bad..I'll take China culture over Western culture ANYDAY!! |
| May 26, 2006 23:53 | #12 |
| Of course I agree that China is more conservative in many social matters than most anywhere in the west. I guess I was primarily responding to what I thought Peacock was expressing -- that many of his/her perceptions are formed based on media, “especially movies--Hollywood movies.” In this context, I only wanted to point out to Peacock that what Hollywood puts on the screen, is not always reality, and most of the time far from it. In conversations I have had with my friends in China, including many in-depth discussions with my translator/guide, on my first visits to China, Hollywood movies do have an impact on how Americans and others in the west are perceived in China. I am sorry if the point I was trying to make, was perceived as “simplistic denial” of some larger dysfunction in American/Western culture/society. This was not the intent :) :) By the way Peacock, I was not sure of your 'gender' as it is not listed on your profile page ?? :) :) |
| May 27, 2006 01:15 | #13 |
| I'm sorry that I also have the impression that most Western people are more open-minded and less family-oriented. It could be due to the fact that there is a higher divorce rate in the western countries and influences from Hollyhood movies. I'm glad to hear that this is not true. By the way, my sixth sense tells me that Peacock is a guy. |
| May 27, 2006 05:15 | #14 |
| Hello Apault, Everyone, I don't think this is simply a case of a few Westerners trying to defend their society. It is more complicated than that. I don't know why American entertainment and media have decided that good manners, honesty, integrity, tact, gentleness, faithfulness, empathy, compassion, etc. (in other words, all the things that make a person good) are old fashioned ideas, but they have. We can see it clearly on TV shows, in movies, and in advertisements (commercials). Americans have become embarrassed by these traits, so now, I believe, while many do still try to live by these ideas, they do not openly admit to doing so. They don't want others to think they are weak or behind the times. I believe these traits make a person stronger, not weaker. Strong people can and should face others and live according to these ideas without embarrassment. Without giving away too much information, let me say, I do try to live this way. I try to treat everyone with respect, consideration, gentleness, honesty, etc. And I have not seen my fiancee in person in several months, but I love her, am faithful to her, and shall remain so however long we are apart. |
| May 28, 2006 21:04 | #15 |
| First ,I have to say Peacock is a gal , she confirmed it in a thread before :) Second, I want to say that I heard of that , most Westerners are open-minded when he/she was a single but will become a family-oriented husband or wife when he'she got married ,is that ture ? |
| May 28, 2006 21:20 | #16 |
| No, peacock is a male - female is peahen ! I don't think one can classify the concept of marriage as conservative or not. What is the "modern" concept of marriage ? Frankly, most of us in our own sociey do not quite understand the other's that well. Most of us form an impression of each other from what we hear, read & see via media, movies,etc, etc which are all a sort of propaganda that may not reflect the true picture. And the problem is the pic is too big for us to draw a generalisation (which I tend to be guilty of as well). But I do have the impression that the Western & Eastern views towards marriage are quite different. As said before, love & marraige are 2 different matters. If one equates marraige to love, the former will break down as a matter of course - ie when love ends. Yet, quite often the union of 2 persons continue till death do them apart. I think this may not be due just to love alone. Love is powerful. But like all things powerful, it lasts only for a while. The success of a marriage is not dependent on this element alone. |
| May 28, 2006 22:33 | #17 |
| Oops, my sixth sense failed me this time! I really didn't know why I had that impression. Maybe the way she writes, her interest in movies, etc. Thanks to Pinetree, now I know why :-} |
| May 28, 2006 22:58 | #18 |
| Hi Rogerinca, You are right. Movies are from life, but far beyond life. For most of the time there is a big gap between life in movies and that in reality. But you know for me, or for all the others who haven't been to America or other countries, media is the only way through which we can have a general idea of the people. So forgive me if I have made a mistake. :) |
| May 28, 2006 23:05 | #19 |
| Hi Sayhitoant, Sometimes the sixth sense can fool you, so don't trust it always. :) By the way dose it matter if I am a male or female? |
| May 28, 2006 23:07 | #20 |
| Conny, very good question !! First though, just as most Chinese do not want those who are not in their culture speaking/thinking for them, I am hesitant to speak for “most westerners” as that is a very large and diverse group of people in many countries, and differing cultures and social standards. However, I have been an American all of my life; therefore, I feel I have some [basis] for a comment or observation from that perspective…..LOL By and large, I think it is true that many in American society are much more "open-minded", as you put it, when they are still single, than their counterparts in Chinese society. I used the word many, rather than most, because there is still a segment of the American society that is not as open-minded, because of their strong religious conviction/faith, so I want to avoid an offensive generalization or stereotype here. In the USA, many girls and boys start dating in their early teens and many have had multiple love interests by the time they graduate from college and are ready to settle down and raise a family. When you go to a shopping mall in America, you will see many teens walking hand in hand and engaging in public displays of affection. This was one of the first things I noticed as a difference and absent in China. Young girls/woman still socialize in their own gender groupings for a much longer period of time. I think this is so sweet and wonderful to observe. It seems, that it is not until a young Chinese woman is in her 20’s that she begins to socialize more with the male gender, and most likely she will not have multiple partners, prior to finding her mate. In America, many really do settle down after marriage and focus on family and career. However, due to many factors, the rate of divorce is still too high in America, and it has a tremendous impact on the traditional family unit and on the lives of the children within the affected family. It is too bad that we do not have the greater maturity and wisdom, in our youth, which we gain with age and life experience. My own personal life has reflected much of what I say here. I am now working hard to make up for some of these shortcomings; I am confident my next relationship will be my last and my best. :) :) |
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