Mixed Marriages, Divorce on the rise

Mixed Marriages, Divorce on the rise
Jun 21, 2007 13:47
LIONPOWER Points: Join Date: Dec 11, 2006 Status: offline	The number of marriages between Chinese people and foreigners is on the increase, but so too is the rate at which they are getting divorced. According to recent statistics from the Shanghai Civil Affairs Bureau, the number of intercultural marriages is rising steadily. In 2006, 2,960 marriages involving Chinese nationals and foreigners were registered in Shanghai, up 22.97 percent on the previous year. However, the number of mixed couples getting divorced in 2006 also increased to 355. The figures showed that marriages had taken place between Chinese people and foreigners from 55 nations and regions. Chinese-Japanese and Chinese-Canadian pairings were found to be the most likely to end in divorce. Although divorce has traditionally been discouraged in China, its incidence has risen rapidly since the 1980s. And with more and more mixed marriages ending in divorce, there is now a growing need for help and advice for those dealing with life after a failed marriage. A web-based survey conducted by the Weiqing Divorcees Club found that many of its members had been in unhappy cross-cultural marriages. "Loneliness, cultural differences and adapting to a new lifestyle were quoted as the main reasons for not being happy," the club's Shu Xin said. The club provides a range of services, such as helping with the divorce process and advising on the process of getting remarried. On a more positive note, it also gives lectures on how to make a success of cross-cultural marriages. The Shanghai-based club claims to have about 1 million online members, most of whom come from major cities like Beijing and Shanghai. Almost 10 percent of its members are classed as foreigners, which encompasses expatriates, American-Chinese and those from Hong Kong, Taiwan and Macao. In response to the growing number of cross-cultural divorces, the Weiqing Divorcees Club recently teamed up with Europe's largest marriage and divorce consultancy, Added Life Value Ltd. The firm, which has offices in Paris, France and Dsseldorf, Germany, claims to be in the business of "new beginnings", according to its German TV commercials. Christopher Pruefer from Added Life Value told China Daily: "People really need help and good advice." Help can also be found at places like the Shanghai Community Center, where experts provide family therapy and advice on extramarital affairs. Annemieke Esmeijer, a psychologist and family therapist with the center, said that cross-cultural marriages fail for many reasons, including language difficulties, cultural changes, work pressures, a loss of identity for the spouse moving abroad and a lack of support systems from home.

Jun 21, 2007 13:47

LIONPOWER
Points:
Join Date: Dec 11, 2006
Status: offline

The number of marriages between Chinese people and foreigners is on the increase, but so too is the rate at which they are getting divorced.

According to recent statistics from the Shanghai Civil Affairs Bureau, the number of intercultural marriages is rising steadily.

In 2006, 2,960 marriages involving Chinese nationals and foreigners were registered in Shanghai, up 22.97 percent on the previous year.

However, the number of mixed couples getting divorced in 2006 also increased to 355.

The figures showed that marriages had taken place between Chinese people and foreigners from 55 nations and regions. Chinese-Japanese and Chinese-Canadian pairings were found to be the most likely to end in divorce.

Although divorce has traditionally been discouraged in China, its incidence has risen rapidly since the 1980s. And with more and more mixed marriages ending in divorce, there is now a growing need for help and advice for those dealing with life after a failed marriage.

A web-based survey conducted by the Weiqing Divorcees Club found that many of its members had been in unhappy cross-cultural marriages.

"Loneliness, cultural differences and adapting to a new lifestyle were quoted as the main reasons for not being happy," the club's Shu Xin said.

The club provides a range of services, such as helping with the divorce process and advising on the process of getting remarried. On a more positive note, it also gives lectures on how to make a success of cross-cultural marriages.

The Shanghai-based club claims to have about 1 million online members, most of whom come from major cities like Beijing and Shanghai. Almost 10 percent of its members are classed as foreigners, which encompasses expatriates, American-Chinese and those from Hong Kong, Taiwan and Macao.

In response to the growing number of cross-cultural divorces, the Weiqing Divorcees Club recently teamed up with Europe's largest marriage and divorce consultancy, Added Life Value Ltd.

The firm, which has offices in Paris, France and Dsseldorf, Germany, claims to be in the business of "new beginnings", according to its German TV commercials.

Christopher Pruefer from Added Life Value told China Daily: "People really need help and good advice."

Help can also be found at places like the Shanghai Community Center, where experts provide family therapy and advice on extramarital affairs.

Annemieke Esmeijer, a psychologist and family therapist with the center, said that cross-cultural marriages fail for many reasons, including language difficulties, cultural changes, work pressures, a loss of identity for the spouse moving abroad and a lack of support systems from home.

Jun 21, 2007 13:48	#1
LIONPOWER Points: Join Date: Dec 11, 2006 Status: Offline	Esmeijer said that it was crucial for couples from different cultures to get to know each other personally, socially, and culturally. They should also discuss key cultural differences regarding such things as attitudes toward the extended family, religion and values, how to spend money, raising children, and even what sort of food they will eat.

Jun 21, 2007 19:47	#2
MAY001 Points: Join Date: Sep 28, 2005 Status: Offline	I do believe that it's harder to marry a foreigner. Anyway, good communication and understanding can help a lot.

Jun 22, 2007 00:06

GRIZ326
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Join Date: Jun 12, 2006
Status: Offline

I admire many traditional Chinese values and would take a Chinese woman as a bride if I believed we understood the difficulties ahead of us as a couple.

Understanding these problems in advance is difficult. Speaking only from a man's perspective, women seem to want to marry as soon as they find a potentially legitimate man. (Please eliminate sex from this equation) A man is vulnerable to a woman who appears to be devoted and flatters his ego. Cultural differences are HUGE. Perhaps a man expects behavior outside of normal (but not abhorrent) wifely behavior. Or perhaps the man is so easy going the woman perceives the man as weak (by Chinese standards). Both cases are difficult to resolve based on cultural differences alone. Truly the mixing of cultures is difficult.

...and adding sex to the equation makes this even more convoluted. Many western men think sex before marriage is okay - or even necessary; Chinese women do not (from what I can tell this is probably for the better). However, adults with strong attraction will be adults, which provides a strong basis for misunderstanding. After intimacy, the Chinese woman has great, romantic, traditional hopes; while many men may not share that hope or have their optimistic thoughts shattered. If they proceed with marriage...a difficult union is surely ahead of them.

Just consider the differences in language. It is difficult for Chinese people to understanding the subtleties of English; it is at least equally difficult for an English speaker to understand the subtleties of the Chinese language. (I have been studying the Chinese language for a year - without the benefit of a teacher - and still find meaning elusive and mysterious.)

Is there any wonder that such marriages are "fraught with peril" (inevitable divorce)?

This is a very sad circumstance.

How does a non-Chinese man delay/put off the expectations of a Chinese woman hoping for a happy marriage and family until these cultural differences (misunderstandings) are resolved??? ...without breaking the woman's heart when she wants a husband and a traditional family???

I have not figured it out and I am entirely dumb...although sometimes this problem makes me feel entirely stupid.

Jun 24, 2007 05:43

DAVEC
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Join Date: Apr 14, 2007
Status: Offline

Mixed relationships are always very difficult as the cultures are miles apart. I know how hard from my own experience. Language I found was the hardest part but not in our ability to speak as she was fluent but in her misinterpretation of most situations and even simple phrases. I would sometimes rephrase what I had said but even so could not always get her to understand what I meant. It was very frustrating because to me it was a simple phrase/word/meaning.
For example one day I said ' having a relationship should be fun,enjoy each others company' She didnt speak to me for 2 weeks as 'fun' is a bad word !!!!
Although I have had problems it would not hold me back if I was to meet another nice Chinese lady, I believe I would be more prepared and a little wiser.

Jun 26, 2007 20:36	#5
LILY417 Points: Join Date: Jun 14, 2007 Status: Offline	well, to love is sort of easy, however ,to last love is not easy at all. whether you love someone, your heart can tell; whether you should marry someone, you should ask you sense.

Jun 26, 2007 20:49	#6
LILY417 Points: Join Date: Jun 14, 2007 Status: Offline	the divorce rate is on the rise in china main land, so it's common for the mixed marrige. off course, more issues are involved in mixed marrige, so i think it should take a long time to get know eath other' s personality, family background, culture background, and living habit so as to make it clear whether they can have a happly ,lasting faminly life.

Jun 27, 2007 11:42	#7
LIONPOWER Points: Join Date: Dec 11, 2006 Status: Offline	Yes Lily, you are right, divorce rises in main land. Have you ever think, why?

Jun 30, 2007 12:06	#8
BW750 Points: Join Date: Mar 3, 2007 Status: Offline	Divorce cases rises ont only mix-marriage, every where. So we must take special care after marriage to last it long.

Jul 21, 2007 01:17	#9
GRYOKAN Points: 205 Join Date: Oct 21, 2006 Status: Offline	To avoid/minimise divorce, let's not get married ? Why marry at all ?

Jul 21, 2007 01:40	#10
LIONPOWER Points: Join Date: Dec 11, 2006 Status: Offline	let's not get married. Easy to say but difficult to ----?

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