| Chinese women and American men | |
|---|---|
| Jan 27, 2015 19:45 | #81   |
 | I'm going to weigh in on this. For decades I've heard the horrid stories about having a Chinese bride so I more or less kept my distance. Fast forward. I do business with several Chinese firms and the last thing I thought I'd be doing is striking up a relationship with a China Doll. She's 40 with an 11 year old daughter, her parents died and she's literally alone. There's a little history. Eight months later I'm on my way to the Canton Fair. She lives in Fushun so I fly into Shenyang and meet her. In the two weeks we were together traveling the country I kept my guard up looking for innuendos etc.. honestly I'm not sure what I was looking for. I can tell you she was the same in person as she was in her letters. What do I think? 1. She's fairly well off in her own right so it wasn't about money. 2. The language barrier was a bit difficult for a while I admit but something was right. 3. There was no greed in her. 4. She wanted to be loved and accepted. 5, The daughter is a gem. 6. She asks me to remain warm, her soft innuendos of love, etc. 7. She's taking English classes to ease in communication. 8. She works half days so she can go to school for English. 9. She knows i'm sustainable but not rich, she doesn't care. 10. She tells me she wants to work when she comes to America. 11. She wants to work for our good, not her possessiveness. 12. this list could go on for a while A while back I mentioned to her I had to wait a week to order another machine... explaining to her I've got the cash but the company is waiting for receivables The next thing I know is there's a wire transfer from her to me to cover the short! I didn't need the money, all I needed to do was wait another week. I send her the cash back and she refuses it telling me it's for us, not for her. I'm sure there's monetarily driven women in China.. there is everywhere but this lady is incredibly different. I honestly can't find fault with her. I'm a decade older than she yet it doesn't seem to matter in the least. Am I keeping her? The answer is yes... |
| May 18, 2015 22:57 | #82 |
| GUEST92131 | Thresher, Keeping her is a wise decision. |
| Jun 24, 2015 07:55 | #83 |
| GUEST65100 | To my experience Chinese women are as much sexually liberated as western women, if not more? In China it's not suppressed by individual feeling of guilt, but rather by social; family is supervising from distance. The result should mean a social achievement for the woman. Sex is considered as a second value in marriage It comes natural as the result of a love relation. So what is the love thing? It's of course to secure the material living. It's a necessity. But to what extent can it preoccupy the sense of sensuality and desire? This is where western values put more emphasis on the seductional, and romantic phase, while in China "romantic" means the physical detail in a relation after you have already agreed on the material conditions at hand. Can you supply with a visa - sometimes also for education for a child overseas? In one child policy China a son of teenage is already "the man in the house" and would be very surprised to find his first row ticket in sofas in kitchen in dining room in mothers attentions, suddenly be exchanged for a second position. Ask yourself if you would agree to have a half grown man present in your life any time he choose because of his unconditional infantile relation to his mother, but with the authority voice towards her as he soon is a grown man and mothers pride and joy? Make all clear before!! And make sure you understand she will not let him fade away. Make also sure you understand that there is not just the woman involved in your relation. You must please all of her family and get acceptance. Don't forget bringing gifts. because they will give you. She also have a set of friends that will evaluate you. Her desire to give up her home country doesn't mean she want give up the reach of her friends values. This you can't escape. And probably neither can she, even if she wanted to. The values in concern are the Chinese. The woman might adopt foreign values, but her social environment expect you to be a good Chinese. Thoughts has less values than things you can touch. Much less, But they still needs to be virtuous according to exceptional harmonious attitude compared with western critical approach to everything.Don't ever let the woman lose her face in front of friends or public.Don't let a man either do that. Still your reward might not be honesty. Be prepared to take the loss. Once you let the toothpaste out of the tube, you can't put it back. This is for a quarrel and blame. A loss of a face is unforgivable. All starts with harmony and continues even past the state where you have called a bluff. Don't mistake this traditional Chinese striving for harmony as first solution in misunderstandings, as submission. Be prepared that a Chinese woman don't admits a fault after blaming her. She will fight back.Don't expect selfcritics - admittance-reconciliation process as it works in the west. Ok? maybe 1-2 times - but not more. Don't be afraid making your point early -if necessary-don't get the toothpaste at all. Ai !! |
| Oct 29, 2015 05:09 | #84 |
| Hi john. If you really like her, don't too hasty , let exchange phone number secret then talk with her... you will feel the love is coming :) |
Last edited by MICHAELHAGER1968: Oct 29, 2015 05:11 |
| Nov 28, 2015 02:33 | #85 |
| i only see this post now,i also wanna know the result,so John,is there anything happened afterwards?  |
| Dec 6, 2015 20:15 | #86 |
| GUEST13152 | I have tried twice to date a Chinese lady!! The first time I met my first date was from the Shanghai area. I flew in, after we got to know each other for about two months, and met some of her family and a couple of her friends. Of course I got the stares because I was white man on their territory!  Most of her family was outgoing but her friends were shut mouth when it come to her presenting herself out in public. No wonder they were shut mouth because I found out she had three different men from just one hangout! Nevertheless I left very disappointed but did not give up trying to find the right one.The second one I dated was from Wuhan, or just outside of, and it was a "date from hell". She wanted to dominate me on everything. I couldn't even order a drink without her first approving. Sorry, but I don't see relationships being like that. Add to that, she was not honest about anything. She mislead me on just about any subject I brought up. From schooling to her job, she was making things up along the way and I found out it was the opposite in most cases. She didn't even finish school and she told me she was going to University when we met online. Even her family had me convinced she was attending. All they wanted was the money and to get her into the US. She wanted me to get her pregnant and she would have the baby back in the US to start the process of getting the rest of her family over here. I am not saying that all Chinese women are bad, but since I was bitten twice, my mouth is soured on the subject of dating them, lest getting to know them. Someone earlier mentioned that they were "little devils" and they are worse than that to me. They are little monsters covered by beauty. Wolves in sheeps clothing!! Be very careful when they say that they Love you and care about you and your family because all they want are two things..money and honey! I believe I will stick to trying to find a sweet lady locally and give up this notion that I have to find a foreign woman to love and marry. You will waste years of your life trying to find the right one if you go half way around the world. Gook luck to those who are still going to attempt this endeavor! |
| Dec 21, 2015 02:38 | #87 |
| have to say not all Chinese women are good women,but also it depends on your luck,those girls who can date with you that easy and to be your GF without know you you that much,what you can expect from them?i am a Chinese and my BF is DUTCH,we only become gf/bf after knowing each other for several years,and i also intruduce him to my faminly too,but we never think about to use him as sth that to help us to immigrate to Holland,sure people stare at us if we went out,but well,that's what you need to get used to when you 2 are from different country right?i would hope my BF will settle down in China with me in future. it is not easy to be together for a couple from different culture,but if you are in a relationship,don't give up that easy [quote=GUEST13152,583976]I have tried twice to date a Chinese lady!! The first time I met my first date was from the Shanghai area. I flew in, after we got to know each other for about two months, and met some of her family and a couple of her friends. Of course I got the stares because I was white man on their territory! Most of her family was outgoing but her friends were shut mouth when it come to her presenting herself out in public. No wonder they were shut mouth because I found out she had three different men from just one hangout! Nevertheless I left very disappointed but did not give up trying to find the right one.The second one I dated was from Wuhan, or just outside of, and it was a "date from hell". She wanted to dominate me on everything. I couldn't even order a drink without her first approving. Sorry, but I don't see relationships being like that. Add to that, she was not honest about anything. She mislead me on just about any subject I brought up. From schooling to her job, she was making things up along the way and I found out it was the opposite in most cases. She didn't even finish school and she told me she was going to University when we met online. Even her family had me convinced she was attending. All they wanted was the money and to get her into the US. She wanted me to get her pregnant and she would have the baby back in the US to start the process of getting the rest of her family over here. I am not saying that all Chinese women are bad, but since I was bitten twice, my mouth is soured on the subject of dating them, lest getting to know them. Someone earlier mentioned that they were "little devils" and they are worse than that to me. They are little monsters covered by beauty. Wolves in sheeps clothing!! Be very careful when they say that they Love you and care about you and your family because all they want are two things..money and honey! I believe I will stick to trying to find a sweet lady locally and give up this notion that I have to find a foreign woman to love and marry. You will waste years of your life trying to find the right one if you go half way around the world. Gook luck to those who are still going to attempt this endeavor
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