Do Chinese Co-Habiting couples Share Cost of Living?

Do Chinese Co-Habiting couples Share Cost of Living?
Aug 2, 2007 12:09
CHRIS01112 Points: Join Date: Aug 2, 2007 Status: offline	I am a western guy in a long-term relationship with a very well educated chinese woman in her 30s from Beijing. We are considering co-habiting in England, but can not agree on who should pay rent. We both earn a comparable salary. She insists that it is the man's role in China to pay all the rent and woman has freedom to do whatever she likes with her salary. More accurately she wants to be the one to decide if she feels like contributing. Lacking any reliable information on current chinese norms, I turn to you for help. What do modern chinese couples do?

Aug 2, 2007 12:09

CHRIS01112
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Join Date: Aug 2, 2007
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I am a western guy in a long-term relationship with a very well educated chinese woman in her 30s from Beijing. We are considering co-habiting in England, but can not agree on who should pay rent. We both earn a comparable salary. She insists that it is the man's role in China to pay all the rent and woman has freedom to do whatever she likes with her salary. More accurately she wants to be the one to decide if she feels like contributing. Lacking any reliable information on current chinese norms, I turn to you for help.
What do modern chinese couples do?

Aug 2, 2007 12:11	#1
CHRIS01112 Points: Join Date: Aug 2, 2007 Status: Offline	I should add that we are not married.

Aug 2, 2007 13:56	#2
JCNILE123 Points: Join Date: Mar 30, 2006 Status: Offline	i, think you are in trouble, buddy!

Aug 2, 2007 16:49	#3
CHRIS01112 Points: Join Date: Aug 2, 2007 Status: Offline	lol, yes and no. Words are being thrown around a little carelessly, just looking for some outside perspectives on modern Chinese culture.

Aug 2, 2007 21:02

KEVIN0518
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Join Date: Mar 13, 2007
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Well, it is true. In China, men should burden the rent and other expenditures. When going outside, men should pay for the bill. If you want to get married, you'd better buy a house. Of course, you should pay for the house.

Woman has her freedom to do whatever she likes with her salary. It seems that it has changed a liitle bit. More and more Chinese become rational and practical. In newly-established family, they have their tasks. Man pay for their house on installment. Woman burden daily expenditures. This is very good, I think.

Aug 3, 2007 03:07

GRYOKAN
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Join Date: Oct 21, 2006
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China has always been a society where men call the shots - both at home and outside. The women tend to play a shadow role. So men earn and pay for everything. There has been no sex equality (not that it applies only to China).
But things are changing with "modernisation". And in the process, the women inevitably try to reap the best of both worlds - esp the educated women, I think. I am sure this is generally the same in other societies.
So if you wanna a long-term relationship ( but not wanting to have that responsibility of marrying/looking after her), then you have to take this as a price, chums.

Aug 3, 2007 03:40

MAY001
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Join Date: Sep 28, 2005
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As a Chinese woman, I should say I don't agree with your partner. I earn as much as my husband and we deal with everything together.

However, Chinese people seldom define 'your money' and 'my money' especiall when two people are in a close relationship, e.g. a couple, boy & girl friends. So it's hard for a Chinese girl to realize that you two should go Dutch. The most common thing in China is that one of the couple, mostly the wife, control the money earned by both sides to pay for the living. Most husbands only have some pocket money and he don't need to worry about daily expense for the family.

Aug 3, 2007 06:38	#7
WESTNORWOODGAS Points: Join Date: Jun 22, 2007 Status: Offline	In an ideal world that's the way it should be done May. When I get married I will support my wife until she can get a job and from then on we will deal with everything together.

Aug 3, 2007 09:52

JCNILE123
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Join Date: Mar 30, 2006
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so far,i think May have us the best answer.

next best Mr Westnorwoodgas.

if i marry and live in china i think i must be fexible to her culture and workout the terms base on her cultural needs.

but, if i marry and live in the west, she must be flexible and adjust to the western culture.

base on the place of residence the pair must workout the terms of the relationship, to the penny.

in a REAL western home , man cook, do the laundry, take care of the kids, the wife and go to work and pay the bills TOO.

the WOMAN of the house, she will DO THE SAME. IT IS 50 + 50 = 100..

of course, if an individual from the west don't agree, this is not a rule but a basic principal for a long lasting relationship.

if you spend all you salary in the every day living, at 50, 60, 70, 80 + how you will you do.??????

Aug 3, 2007 10:57	#9
WESTNORWOODGAS Points: Join Date: Jun 22, 2007 Status: Offline	I forgot to mention that when I marry we will live in the UK. I also have to pay child support for my daughter, not easy if I was living in China.

Aug 3, 2007 12:05

#10

CHRIS01112
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Join Date: Aug 2, 2007
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Thanks guys, some really helpful perspectives. I am sure we will work it out in the end, but some frought discussions lie ahead. Certainly, the option of my GF taking financial control doesn't work for me. I haven't had pocket money since I was 12yrs old, and she is rather capricious at times. Hey ho, it's a wonderful thing to go out with a Chinese girl, but the course of true love never runs smooth.

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