| Pay 20,000 RMB to her family?? | |
|---|---|
| Sep 9, 2007 19:15 |   |
 | I have been dating a nice Chinese girl while living and teaching in Kunming. However, this young lady is from Xi' An and her parents are Shaanxi province farmers. The topic of marraige (oh, no!) has come up more than once, because this is every young woman's dream of their lifetime. I have been informed, according to Chinese tradition, the groom's family must make a considerable payment of RenMinBi to the bride's family. This news is news to me......weishenme? __WINDENERGY__ |
| Sep 9, 2007 22:27 | #1 |
| Hi WINDENERGY, Have you decided to marry your girl-friend? It is our Chinese tradition that the groom's family should pay a certain amount of money to the bride's family, as to how much? it varies from place to place and also depend on your economic condition. "When in Roman, do as the Romans do." Now that you want to marry a Chinese girl, I think you should follow Chinese tradition. If you have any other questions, please feel free to let me know. Best Regards. Bill |
| Sep 10, 2007 02:54 | #2 |
| Wind, it's called 聘礼 in Chinese, which is an unavoidable Betrothal Gifts for bride's family. You can read about Chinese marriage tradition at: http://www.travelchinaguide.com/intro/social_customs/marriage/ |
| Sep 10, 2007 03:10 | #3 |
| Right, "When in Roman, do as the Romans do." Wind, Do you know how much it costs to raise a child from an infant to adult? It costs a lot. So you have to pay, since you will "steal" the daughter from the poor couple. Hehe |
| Sep 10, 2007 05:00 | #4 |
| I am confused. My under standing is that in Trad Chinese culture a girl is worth nothing. No education was given to them, just the skills needed at home. Dodger. |
| Sep 10, 2007 06:57 | #5 |
| Among the Chineses this "dowry" is paid by the groom to the family of the bride. It can be negotiated but many negotiations had led to fights between the in laws. It is an age old traditon and is still practice among the Chinese communities even in South East Asia. |
| Sep 10, 2007 17:25 | #6 |
| I don't understand this custom. The husband is going to take care of their daughter for the rest of her life, so i don't understand why he has to pay again... He'll be paying for her and for their children's well-keeping after they get married, most likely. Also if she's a single child (as many are) chances are her husband will be helping her parents to emigrate to another country later on because she'll want to take care of them in their old age... so in Chinese culture, the man gets to pay, again and again... |
| Sep 10, 2007 20:48 | #7 |
| This is a conventional custom. In the past in China, after the daughter married, she would have few chance to take care of her parents. She would belong to his husband and did everything for her husband, her parents in law and the children. That is why old Chinese always hoped to have a son instead of a daughter. So the betrothal gifts were required for some compensation. Nowadays, dowry is surely no longer kind of compensation. In a sense, it can show your determination to marry her daughter. And also it can be some guarantee for your marriage. If you divorced, the dowry is not refundable. If you want to get marriage again, you have to pay the dowry once again. Anyway, do not take this too serious. Love is the decisive factor in your marriage. If you do love each other, just pay that. One day, when you have a daughter, you son in law will pay you back. Just joking! Don't mind! :) |
| Sep 11, 2007 11:18 | #8 |
| CHYNAGYRL, This custom, like or not, is necessary for keeping the high standards and rights of single pure in China. It goes back to the ancient myths involving a goddess named Nv Wa and the creation of man and woman. （See MAY001's thread September 11th Chinese Legend Tells: Nv Wa Created the Human) According to ancient legend: First, the man should ask a matchmaker to talk about the marriage with the woman's family. Then when they agreed he should send some gifts as to show his sincerity. Last, the woman should move to the man's home since food and protection was provided by him. What I find as strange is that this seems to only apply to girls from northern China. In Yunnan province, it is not necessary to bestow large gifts to the future bride's family before marriage. So, I would probably be better off finding a girl from southern China to marry. As luck, or fate, would have it, the girl I want to be with forever is from Xi' An. __WINDENERGY__ |
| Sep 11, 2007 11:22 | #9 |
| WindEnergy, be careful or the price is going to end up much higher!!!!! :-) |
| Sep 11, 2007 11:54 | #10 |
| TM, How can a man be careful when he gazes into the eyes of a pure Chinese girl who is single and alone in her new teaching position in Kunming? 20,000 RMB is a lot of money for an english teacher working at a public College in Yunnan. But 20,000 only pays for the insurance!!! __WINDENERGY__ |
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