| Difference in handling family ties between Chinese and Westerners | |
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| Dec 9, 2007 11:07 | #11   |
 | My parents refuse to give up to the last sense of independency, by refusing any so call interference with their lives. They like their independent apartment living. To think I must live with my daughter, as I grow older, is out of the equation, (it is a no, period). However, I embrace my girl friends desire to go back to China, as we grow older, and join her family nucleus. I foresee it as a western/eastern version of the two practices, integrated to each other. |
| Dec 9, 2007 20:09 | #12 |
| Great thread going here. Many Western parents love their independence. In a society where independence and freedom means being able to get on a car and drive to wherever, many aging parents would fight their children to keep that privilege to drive even at the age of 90. LOL! They raised their children and for years set aside their own dreams so they can send their kids to school or provide for their kids. Don’t they deserve to have that time for themselves so that they can chase their own dreams too? In America, many seniors spend their retirement and new-found freedom to go traveling and camping in their RVs. For many of them, it’s like having another honeymoon after so many years of working and raising families. Many go on cruises and they love every minute of it. When I was in China, I have seen groups of Western seniors on tours. These are the things that they were not able to do before because they were so busy raising their families. I would get pissed off too if someone tells me that I don’t care about my family just because I live thousands of miles away from them. My father said he will not treat his kids like a long-term care investment. He said he did not have kids just so there would be someone who would take care of him or my mom. Gotta love that pride, haha! East and West. Having lived in both worlds, I have seen the best and the worst of both cultures so I think it would be unfair to say which one is better. It’s just a matter of preference and preferring one over the other doesn’t mean the other is wrong. I guess I am lucky to have experienced both. It is very different than just hearing it from a third party. One has to live in it to be able to know. Sometimes, we have this tendency to see things in black and white. The thing is life is not just composed of black and white. Life is composed of millions of colors. By the way, this thread is also discussing the same subject: http://community.travelchinaguide.com/forum2.asp?page=1&i=41285#R258114 |
| Dec 9, 2007 20:53 | #13 |
| GUESTKWEILAN | I agree Apault... As an Asian American woman who raised her children to appreciate both asian and western cultures, I too have been guilty of forcing my children to go to school, work hard to graduate and get a good job. It is only because we as parents do not want our children to suffer the anxiety of not having enough money to pay the bill or to feed their future families. Because we worked hard and sacrificed, today my children are successful, outgoing and most of all independant adults who can make educated decisions based on knowledge learned from both school and home. And yes... the still like me!LOL Chynagyrl, when you have children of your own someday, you too will experience the utmost need to love and protect your children from the harsh realities of life. As parents, it is our duty to teach our children and steer them in the right direction. Of course it is also dependant on the execution. Guilt trips are counter productive and may even cause rebellion. Good communication is the key to a productive parent- child relationship. Please don't be so hard on your parents... they only wanted the best for you. |
| Dec 12, 2007 20:18 | #14 |
| GUESTKWE, Thanks for sharing your experience. I was deeply touched by the last paragraph of your post. Very profound and well-said. For a long time, I have always complained to my parents that they are too hard on me. Now, I understand. Thanks! |
| Dec 13, 2007 00:12 | #15 |
| And will more understand, when you will be a parent. |
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