| Is marriage a game? | |
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| Dec 20, 2007 21:25 |   |
 | A woman divorced six times and got married seven times just in two years? Can you believe this? According to a survey, 37084 couples got married and 8875 couple divorced from January to October in 2007 in Ningbo city. The ratio between marriage and divorce is 4.17: 1, which is about 20 times that in 1980. It seems that getting married and divorcing are too easy in today's world. Why? Because both the husband and the wife think that they are not compatible with each other. I really can not understand why you two got married if you thought you were not compatible. Is marriage as easy as a game? I am looking forward to your opinions and comments. |
| Dec 20, 2007 22:57 | #1 |
| I do not know how this applies to China, but in the US many couples do not reveal themselves to their spouse until after marriage. I do not think that it is intentional deception - but maybe protocol. ...or maybe fear that showing their real person would leave them without a mate. As you get older, there is less fear of that. There are also unscrupulous people who use divorce laws in the US to acquire wealth and position. It is also very easy to get a divorce today in the US and seems to be easy in China too. |
| Dec 20, 2007 23:14 | #2 |
| I think two people have to be compatible to a certain extent -- then after that, it's love, devotion, trust and lots of forgiving and forgetting....and all that jazz. Some people fail to realize that freedom in marriage doesn't equal to "I am compatible to you, you are compatible to me." The Chinese have taken it too far. It's true that they have much greater freedom in marriage than before, but it doesn't mean you can take marriage lightly. There is a medium to be found. Marriage is much more than that. If you chose the person, then find a way to work through it. There is no problem too big if there is true love. Is that too idealistic and naive? - moondollars |
| Dec 21, 2007 01:12 | #3 |
| A lot of people marry for convenience and dont take it seriously. I wonder if laws were changed whether people would be so eager to divorce. Lets change a few for example...... when divorced both partied have to pay money to keep a child, when divorced both parties take their own property and not just halve everything, when divorced they cant marry again for minimum of 5 years. It would put paid to a lot of the gold diggers out there. |
| Dec 21, 2007 02:16 | #4 |
| I agree with Dave, people these day's don't treat marraige seriously enough for my liking, marraige is a good institution and should be for life, divorce is far too easy. Griz is also correct, people do not always reveal their true selves until after marraige but why this should be I have no idea. Alan |
| Dec 21, 2007 19:59 | #5 |
| When people settle for less and when they marry someone they barely know, of course they’d be incompatible. Sometimes people think they know each other when in truth they don’t. One guy I know was very eager to marry a girl because she looked so innocent, pure and delicate. After marriage, he divorced her when he found out she wasn’t a virgin anymore when they got married. Some people think that marriage will solve their loneliness, or just because they are getting old or maybe they just need someone to cook for them. LOL! After marriage, they realize that they are still lonely, lonelier even because they feel trapped and he/she won’t really cook for him/her. After marriage, they realize that they are wasting more of their years being miserable. Also, some of them got married because of family pressures therefore; the divorce was already planned even before they got married. They married just to satisfy their families. Many people marry just because society dictates that they are supposed to. Some people marry because they just want to get away from their family. I can’t blame if people get divorce. I don’t really have a right to tell them they can’t. They can live their life however they want to. People fall out of love. People grow and people move on. Why force two people to stay married if they are miserable. Life is too precious to live that way. People expect a lot when they marry so when their expectations are not met; one thing falls down after another like a domino until the whole marriage collapses. Marriage is not easy but for some reason people have this imagination that it is all bliss. The very mention of the words “marriage” and “wedding” has the power to make people daydream. If it is really that easy as many people would like us to believe, then divorce won’t even exist. The very fact that it exists means that the law and society recognize that it is necessary. I know so many people who remained “married on paper” but the marriage itself already ended long time ago. I understand that marriages end no matter how much we try to idealize it. |
| Dec 22, 2007 20:23 | #6 |
| Quote: I do not know how this applies to China, but in the US many couples do not reveal themselves to their spouse until after marriage. I do not think that it is intentional deception - but maybe protocol. ...or maybe fear that showing their real person would leave them without a mate. Griz, people all would like to show their shinning points and hide their shortcomings when they were in love with someone. Before you get married, you see him a very decent guy. After getting married, you find that he is not as decent as before, throwing his socks everywhere, being very lazy etc. Sometimes you doubt that if he is the guy you once loved. Sigh! You can not avoid it since you can't know a person very well just in one, two or three years. |
| Dec 22, 2007 21:26 | #7 |
| Marriage it is not a game, but there are some anomalous people. |
| Dec 22, 2007 23:09 | #8 |
| Yes, marriage is a game (not divorce) where only two player , plays till the they alive. |
| Dec 23, 2007 20:56 | #9 |
| Have you read Fortress Besieged or Beseiged City? It was written by Qian Zhongshu. "Marriage is like a fortress besieged: those who are outside want to get in, and those who are inside want to get out." This is the clou of Fortress Besieged. If you read that book, you will understand that 'marriage is the tomb of love'. |
| Dec 24, 2007 09:14 | #10 |
| A woman married seven times, who is next? Stay away from her. |
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