| How to be a successful father? | |
|---|---|
| Dec 29, 2007 00:53 |   |
 | If you were asked to use some words to describe your father, which words will you choose, humourous, strict, fearful, benevolent or some other words? For many Chinese children, they respect their fathers. However, they also fear their father at the same time. Why? They were all beaten by their father when they were young. I am no exception though I was very obedient when I was young. When you were being beaten by your father, who would save you? Your mom, right? I guess that that is why you feel that you are closer to your mom than your dad. However, when you grow up, you will understand that your father actually love you as much as your mom and he just expresses his love in a different way---beating you. Why? He hopes you become a good guy. However, some guys don't understand this and think that their father was too cruel. How do you define a good father? What criteria should he meet? |
| Dec 29, 2007 02:31 | #1 |
| I am a father of 3 girls, 21, 11 and 9 yo. Have I been a "good" father? I don´t know. I know everything is fine between me and my daughters. Does that make me a "good" father? I can´t define a "good" father. First should define the criterions. Like in work life, or in sports. Then should define from whom´s point of view we will evaluate fathers. After that should define how big part of filling the criterions is really filled by kids, not by father. And so on...................... I try to be as good father as I can. Do I finally succee? No one knows. Carlos |
| Dec 29, 2007 08:56 | #2 |
| Separating the past generations from the present ones, I, some how justify some of the beatings from a past generation father to a son. I do not believe they were right, but that was the thinking and culture of the times. Today days, any so call father that beats their children is a cruel, coward, abuser individual that deserves no respect. He is a danger to society. The question at the head of this thread is ... how to be a successful father? Be compassionated and firm with the children, learn to understand the meaning of the word NO, and apply it. Do not be a coward; do not beat your child. Think about this, who beats you up every time you do or said something stupid? Moreover, you do and said something stupid every day. By the way do not beat your wife, be a man. Like everywhere on this globe, Spouse abusers are child abusers too. I witness this man beating his woman on the middle of the sidewalk in China. There is abuser all around the world. However, my perception is that in China, it is astonishingly public and ACCEPTED. |
| Dec 29, 2007 18:45 | #3 |
| I don’t know what a successful/good father is but I think I know a bad father or failure as a father is when I see one. A bad father is one who doesn’t practice what he preaches to his children and who beats and cheats on their mother. A bad father is one who is not ready to take on responsibilities of being a father. A bad father is one who tries to control his children through money. A bad father is one who is a bad example to his kids. |
| Dec 29, 2007 20:09 | #4 |
| Carlos, you will succeed as long as you stick to it. Acutally, we all have ideal parents on our mind. Usually, we compare our parents with ideal parents on our mind and find that they are not as good as ideal ones. That is why some guys feel disappointed. |
| Dec 30, 2007 14:02 | #5 |
| Children do not come with instructions. You just do the best that you can. |
| Dec 30, 2007 19:53 | #6 |
| Most Chinese parents are very strict with their children. Why? They have high expections on them. In many families, the children will be beaten badly if they fail to pass the exams. I can understand that they just want their children to be better. On the other hand, they usually put their unfulfilled dreams, for example, if a father or mother didn't go to college, they will require their child to fulfill their dream---entering the college. And always chatter this to their chidlren. I guess that no child would like to hear their chatter. To be a successful father, first you should learn to understand what your child think about. This is very important. Second, lower your expections on them and don't force them to fulfill your dream. Third, love your child truely. These are what experts suggest. |
| Jan 2, 2008 22:43 | #7 |
| I think first and foremost is you need to be a good example to your children and do what you preach. Children are smart and can see the most subtle of differences. Fathers also need to have an understanding of their children. Listen to them talk and ask for their opinions. They are wrong but they are smarter than you think. They might have some insight that you overlooked because you are too much in this world. It's just like some businesses hire people that are liberal arts majors because they have a different viewpoint than business majors. - moondollars http://community.faithvine.com/ |
| Jan 5, 2008 03:22 | #8 |
| Quote: Children do not come with instructions. You just do the best that you can. Yes, Griz. We all should do our best to be a successful father/mother. Communication is the key. Nowadays, those 80s or 90s usually complain that their parents can't understand them. Why? Both sides don't communicate with each other deeply and patiently. On the other hand, those who was born in 1980s or 1990s are totally different from those who were born in 70s or 60s. For this reason, parents should spend more time communicating with their children. |
| Jan 9, 2008 01:41 | #9 |
| I don't know if I'm a successful father simply because my marraige failed when my daughter was so young. My daughter thinks I'm the best dad in the world or at least so she tells me, so I must have done something right. I agree with Jimmy about communicating with your children and the way things have changed over the years, I was born in 1951 and I can see a big difference from when I was a kid. Alan |
| Jan 9, 2008 03:55 | #10 |
| Alan, children are innocent and their words are true. But remember that sometimes they lie to you. Just kidding! I believe you are a good father. |
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