| Bride Price questions | |
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| Jun 23, 2008 02:24 | #11   |
 | Ognat, Translate you emails into Chinese before you send them. Software is free or very cheap. And then wait for the reaction. But I do think it sounds like you are being had. Dodger. |
| Jun 23, 2008 11:15 | #12 |
| Thanks Dodger. An outsiders perspective is appreciated. |
| Aug 15, 2008 17:18 | #13 |
| GUEST15522 | You are about to be ripped off. That tradition may still be practiced but it's FOR SINGLE WOMEN. To many western men fall in love/lust and that's the beginning of the end. For lots of good information go to: http://xsorbit28.com/ You can ask questions and get the correct answers. Be sure to read posts pertaining to your concerns. Good luck. |
| Aug 17, 2008 02:25 | #14 |
| Hi Ognat I have had an experience like this. I was communicating with a woman from Nanning for a four months and then went to see her. I knew by then that I would probably be up for translators fees of about 10,000 RMB if I married the lady. I knew this from visiting other websites that talk about the process of marrying a Chinese lady. The pressure was on bigtime to marry when I visited her, no relationship need be entered into. She was looking for a husband and a father for her 5 year old son. I was attracted to her but aware that they demands were all coming from her and the money was going to all come from me. When I returned to Aussie we spoke on the webcam. She started talking about 10,000 RMB for betrothal fees and goodness knows how much for pictures I started to worry. When she would not give me a ballpark figure for the wedding party I started to feel that I was going to be setup when I arrived back there again. It was made worse when she admitted that she had stopped English lessons months before after we had an agreement that I paid 1,000-2,000 RMB a month for her living while she studied English. Her reason for giving them up was that the teacher had bad pronounciation. I was not impressed. She later admitted to earning 600 Yuan a month before she quit her job to meet me. She had requested 1,000 month to live on while studying English. She followed this up by saying that she was not going to be able to speak with me on the webcam as the neighbour she was sharing the connection with was leaving. Somehow I was expected to put more money forward. After paying for all the wedding stuff, betrothal fees and I then of course going to keep her and her son and educate her son. They don't want much. I thought that if this is what it is now what will it be in the future. How much was I going to be paying to her parents per week? Some men pay $50 USD per week. I could see myself facing many unreasonable demands from these people for many years. I bailed out. I think you have to go carefully in this. They make up all the rules (supposedly culture) and it all goes their way. It is a good game but I don't want to play. It may be their culture but giving money to others that I have worked hard for is against my culture. I understand that this may be appropriate in the first marriage I don't think in the second marriage. Jackaroo |
| Aug 17, 2008 15:52 | #15 |
| Ognat, Reading your post something hit me. Read this carefully. "She reads English very well. We filled out the forms for fiancee visa with very few problems." In the next sentence you state she asks for 2000RMB's a month for English lessons. Makes no sense to me and I'm sure others will agree. IMHO, I would CUT OFF any and all communications with this woman. In all probability she WILL NEVER leave China but will MILK you for all she can and then she will disappear. Also ask yourself this: "Is this love or lust?". I suspect it's more LUST than love. |
| Aug 25, 2009 02:33 | #16 |
| GUESTIMEETWOMEN | I'm new here, both to the city and to the forum. My bud Jack posts here every day and insisted that I join. I just can't say no! I've been perusing the threads here for quite a while now and finally registered an account. A bit about me: I like pounding back vodka and watching Fighting. I'm just recently getting into the whole pick up artist game but I'm addicted, it's wicked! Right now it's my thing but it's a phase and I'll probably get over it! See you soon! |
| Feb 20, 2010 02:12 | #17 |
| GUEST74123 | Ognat,I think you are being ripped off, next thing she will probably want access to your credit card with unlimited cover as well. If she did not tell you about the translation fees what else did she not tell you. I think 2000 yuan per month are abnormal for English lessens in a country town in China , it sounds as if she is living in a upmarket Beijing. As far as learning to speak English , if she already speaks rudimentary English all the classes in China are not going to help her to understand better because she is not immersed in and English environment. She will learn faster when she is in the USA. Your suggestion that you pay once you are married in The USA is a good one. My experience was that when I mentioned the cost of a bride price to my intended. I was told that if I have to ask this in advance, I could not afford it and that she understood I was too poor. After that she seemed to lose interest I have since then not heard from her again. I guess I am a very lucky man. |
| Feb 20, 2010 02:42 | #18 |
| GUEST74123 | I agree with you Jackaroo that they make up their own rules supposedly their culture as they go along. You get this in many cultures under the name tradition or culture or custom. My own personal feeling is that when they start asking for money etc its a red flag. Especially when it starts with a fee million yuan here and a few million yuan there and monthly support fees equal to that of a specialist medical doctors earnings in the western countries. It is customary that when you marry and Asian wife you marry the family, agreed. but there is a limit on how much you have to pay them. The honest ones are outright upfront in that they want to marry a rich man and if you do not have a USA, Canadian or Brit or probably Australian passport you are dead meat. I feel quite sorry for the guys who come from countries that are perceived as being "RICH" |
| Mar 31, 2010 06:12 | #19 |
| GUEST10223 | My wife is Chinese from Beijing. She is 25 and myself 38 (my first time married). I travelled alot in China and Hong Kong in the past on business. I met her when she was 23 and in University, I was her first real bf and her "first man", her parents were very keen we marry and that she came to join me in England and made it her home, now last year like so many my income had greatly dropped after job lose and I had to take a few rubbish jobs just to pay the bills, sadly this was the time she was comming over to England on a settlement not fiancee visa which had been passed due to my past earnings and savings. I did give gold at the Chinese family engagement party, but no money! I had just paid for Wedding albums and large framed photos at a cost of £1650. On arriving she was very homesick and cried everyday, spoke to her mother on Skype for 3-4 hours aday, we had an English wedding that went well in Church.After 4 months of tears everyday saying she wanted to go home to her mum she returned home, I have only had a few emails from her since she returned! I do know her mother put preasure on her about money and her mother kept telling her she was ill this added to her feeling of guilt, but my main aim is to pay the bills here and I have not got enough spare cash at the moment to send money back to her parents, as she was no working and I am working in a much lower paid job than in the past, a large house that is up for sale but until it sells I don't have much extra but to Visa, lawyer and legal, general high bills and wedding costs! I have many friends who married Chinese girls and YES if you marry them you marry their families! |
| Sep 7, 2010 07:53 | #20 |
| GUESTVOYAGER... | It's not all hopeless though. I'm 39, my wife is 30. I'm not a high earner - just a poorly-paid fireman - but my wife doesn't care as she's never been interested in money at all. We've always shared right from the moment we first met, but she's never asked me for money except for something that I have asked her to purchase on my behalf. The second year of our relationship I tried to send her some money unsolicited. She got angry with me and sent it all back. When we got married the token 'bride price' was 4999 Yuan, of which my missus kicked in 3000 from her savings (basically all of it), as I'd already shelled out a heap on airfares, bus fares, hotels, trains etc in the preceeding month. Her parents gave us some back the day after the wedding. I have no idea how much, as I promised my wife I won't ever open the envelopes - after all, it's the thought that counts - although I presume it's probably the odd 99 Yuan from the above amount. The envelopes live in a picture frame along with our wedding photo. |
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