| Please - advice needed! | |
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| Aug 28, 2008 02:38 |   |
| guest14252 | Hello, can anyone offer me some advice? I married a girl from China who resides in Macau, I met her in the UK where she was a "working girl"...we are the same age (40's) & obviously I did not like what she did for a living & eventually convinced her to return home to be with her 2 children. I have visited 3 times already in the last 10 months, on each occasion I have bought a ittle money & paid for meals out etc. However she has still not found a job in 10 months & says she needs money for her home/bills etc which I fully understand however she was aware before we married that I was not a wealthy man & also have 2 of my own children to support. All her friends appear to be working girls or ex-working girls & she continually talks about how much money they have & that she is again poor, when I have a little spare money I do send her some but our daily telephone conversations seem to revolve around the same thing, money. She seems to dislike me telling her I care or love her saying actions speak louder than words, I do understand but there is a limit to my earning potential. I desperately want her to be happy but it seems there is little I can do, she has even sold a ring which I bought her saying she needed the money for her daughters schooling. I am in a mess, what should I do, I don't want to finish our relationship but I can appreciate her predicament about money & I can see that she is thinking of "working" again...Any suggestions?? |
| Aug 28, 2008 06:15 | #1 |
| GUEST14252 | Nobody care to shed some of their views on this (perhaps) delicate subject? If I'm a mug then please say so! |
| Aug 28, 2008 06:32 | #2 |
 | Cut your losses and run. I would suggest that you seek the support of a local counsellor in your area to help you through this. Two heads are better than one. |
| Aug 28, 2008 06:50 | #3 |
| GUEST14252 | You really think so? My losses will be my heart, you don't think its worth persuing? |
| Aug 28, 2008 06:56 | #4 |
| Oooh, not an easy one that. How long have you known each other? Have you handed over large sums of money? If not it may be that she is trying to improve her life but is being constantly reminded by other working girls on what she "appears" to be missing out on? It may be difficult as you are far apart? It must be hard for you. I wish you well! |
| Aug 28, 2008 10:49 | #5 |
| It'll never work if you are apart from each other. Either you need to move to be with her (preferable considering the UK is so depressing!), or she needs to move to live with you. Do I dare ask how you met her?! |
| Aug 28, 2008 11:25 | #6 |
| GUEST14252 | Ok guy's/girls first of all I have known her for 2 yrs, i havent given her large amounts of money because I dont earn enough to. I met her in a restaurant, at first I did not know about her "job" but found out pretty quickly, I thought at 1st it would be ok but my heart was too strong & I think hers too as she gave it all up & went home. I have been there 3 times, met her children, sisters/brother & mother & father who clearly did not know about her work in the UK. I don't want to lose her but feel that perhaps I can't give her what she wants i.e. lots of money, I want to be with her at least we can then be more financially secure but her children are to young to stop schooling & move to england, I would move out but what work can I do in Macau? I don't speak Cantonese & jobs are few & far apart. |
| Aug 28, 2008 19:08 | #7 |
| I think you need to resolve the visa issue as quickly as possible or she will return to her former job. Have you been given some sort of time line on it?. The money issue is really nothing as that can always be replaced but it may be wise to seek the council of a close friend who may be able to help you through what we all here think is about to happen. Dodger. |
| Aug 28, 2008 22:37 | #8 |
| If all she asks for is money to pay bills, she is not asking for a hold lot. I think you are a little insensitive, perhaps cruel by saying that she wants a lot of money; again, as I understood from your writings, all she asks for is money to support the household. This probably will make you kick the bucket, but I will say it any way. You disturb her life the day you talk her to give up her past. You better than any one else know your economical limitations, you know well you can’t not afford a woman worst off a woman from overseas, however you seduced her to give up her life for the non-existent security of a marriage with you. In first place, that is why she was there in the UK, because in her home country the income was limited. Now she is stock back home with out money and you are in your home country acting like a looser. A good wife is a privilege not a right. Some one advised you about counseling and I think you need it. About her, If you cannot deliver, then live her alone, you have done plenty damage as it is. |
| Aug 29, 2008 01:57 | #9 |
| JCNILE I think that is a little harsh! By the sounds of things he's quite prepared to pay as much as he can afford, can you really comment on who seduced who? I'm sure that she would have only stopped her job had she wanted to? Perhaps GUEST14252 you are reading a little too much into this? If you married then it has become the responsibility of two not just one. I wish I could answer your questions but I can't, you will figure it out over time, either go to Macao or maybe let here go? Good Luck. |
| Aug 29, 2008 03:29 | #10 |
| I mentioned counsellor in a previous post not because I think you are at fault here but because sometimes when one becomes involved in affairs of the heart we cannot see the wood for the trees. In this case two heads are better than one especialy when one of the heads is not emotionally involved. Another thing I would say that if she is so much into money then she will not change this and this will be the story of your life from now on. She will want money and you will be expected to provide it. Sounds like you are disappointed in her lack of desire to involve herself in closeness with you but maybe she is not into that and never has been and never will be. If you are looking for emotional intimacy maybe she is not for you. You are allowed to make mistakes and you are allowed to change your mind, thats life. You thought you could do this but now realise you can't. I would encourage you to start thinking about your needs here. You have rights too and responsibilities to your self for your self. |
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