| Buying gifts | |
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| Dec 24, 2008 13:02 | #11   |
 | Dave, I am from your future and have a message from you............"DON'T DO IT". Only kidding lol. Glad you found someone that you want to spend your life with. As for the first presentation, do not express any outward signs of affection like hugging or kissing in front of the parents, but be yourself and be polite. When at the dinner table, try everything, with community dishes, select the food closest to you on each plate, praise the meal and do not exhale deeply as we westerners often do after a big meal. While we consider it to be a sign of great satisfaction, the connotation is like you are glad it was over in the Chinese culture. Lots of this stuff that will be lost in translation to you, but you'll figure it out. As for the dowery, the amount signifies your ability to support your new family (which in some cases includes the parents to one extent or another). Didn't see that one coming huh? But the amount depends on the family's status. I'm assuming poor to our standards so $10,000US or about 6-7000 pounds sterling would be a "Good" offering. Now don't get me wrong, it isn't so much a money issue as a sense of pride and peace of mind that their daughter will be taken care of and that she made the right choice. As for the first visit gift, Thoughtful is better than extravagant, but thoughful and extravagant would be the best if you get what I mean. So talk with your girl friend and find out who they are and select accordingly. 4 weeks doesn't seem so long anymore does it? lol. Good luck and I'm sure you will do fine, Cheers. |
| Dec 25, 2008 13:12 | #12 |
| Oh great, now you really have scared me. I had no idea that I have to save up to buy my girlfriend. This whole culture thing is confusing me. I think I will turn up with a packet of biscuits for them to share and just ask her father nicely, do ya think it will work? |
| Dec 27, 2008 17:25 | #13 |
| LOL, only if you bring some Irish Short Bread Biscuts. Just be thoughtful and you'll be fine, are you planning on living in China or the UK? |
| Dec 28, 2008 01:14 | #14 |
| I will visit China 3 times this year, last trip will be 6 weeks to get married and have honeymoon. Then she wants to come to UK to see my culture for maybe 1 year then we will move to China to live our lives. |
| Dec 28, 2008 04:13 | #15 |
| Dave, fantastic news. Were do we send the red envelope to? Dodger. |
| Dec 28, 2008 04:29 | #16 |
| Send? nah, I will come and pick it up. hehe Seriously though, she wants to get married in her home town in Hubei province. Nobody from the UK will come so I will be inviting few people from here as you will be only people I know in China. We will have 2nd reception when I get back home with her so my friends in UK can attend that. |
| Dec 29, 2008 04:55 | #17 |
| Mmm... uh, I just got married, that´s it. Well, I offered a dinner to her family, about 25 persons. When I asked her what should I bring, she said we will give red envelopes only. Her parent´s envelopes included 100 euros, others 200 - 500 rmb depending to whom it was given. The most important part was that parents got foreign currency, not how much there was. You don´t HAVE to give anything, all comes from what you want to give. You are from UK, she is from China. Perhaps some people measure what a man is worth by how much he spreads his fortune, but if you think you must fill the measurement to be someone..... Later time you will be measured for how their daughter´s life is with you, not for how much you did give. When I saw my wife´s parents tha last time, her father shook my hand using both of his and said: be good to my daughter. I do understand all this thinking about what should, I did it myself too. Now I feel my wife is happy and she sends her parent´s money every month, so perhaps I have filled the measurements, perhaps... Carlos |
| Dec 29, 2008 06:50 | #18 |
| Congratulations Dave. I would like to offer my services (free) as wedding photographer, videographer or both, (tricky but possible :o) in whichever country we both happen to be in at the appropriate time. I'm a little confused about the red envelopes. At a wedding I attended the guests gave the couple the red envelopes. |
| Dec 29, 2008 16:51 | #19 |
| Yeah that what I thought, the couple get the envelopes. My old Chinese teacher got married earlier this year and I saw the video showing all the guests giving them, mind you someone stole them all before the end of the wedding, so best they give them to me and I put them in my pocket. |
| Jan 2, 2009 10:56 | #20 |
| I have had the same problem. What I did was take a bunch of U.S. dollar coins and some brand new dollar bills. ( unfortunately my wife decided to leave two suitcases with a sister in Shenzhen and they contained our gifts as well as our bathing suits!) On our next trip I took more dollar coins and some rolls of pennies to give out to schoolchildren.( I took candy too but ants got it first.) The third trip I brought cigars which were very well received even by non-smoking relatives. (cigars are very lightweight too.) Female relatives passed them on to their bosses who prized them. I saw lots of places selling cigarettes but saw none selling cigars. Luckily for me I was able to buy a supply of expensive cigars cheaply from salvage store that sells items from bankruptcy, store mergers and insurance losses. I paid 50 cents ea. for $3 cigars! When my mother in law returned to China, my relatives asked us to have her bring with her - more cigars! |
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