| Looking for perspectives on a Chinese relationship | |
|---|---|
| Mar 16, 2009 22:46 |   |
 | I met a Chinese girl last year while I was working on Saipan, we have a pretty serious relationship but I had to come back to the states. We've been keeping it going online (I gave her my laptop for this purpose). I could take a job in China as a flight instructor to stay with her or I could sponsor her to come to the states. I've read a lot of stories and have witnessed a couple where foreign girls charm western men, marry them take a green card and very quickly leave. I can see the motivation and unfortunately people use other people all the time so I worry about a scenario where I end up heartbroken looking foolish with half my stuff gone. Being in love makes it hard to think clearly about things like this. The things that make me concerned about this is she has friends who have done this or are in the process of and really early in our relationship she asked me if I would marry her or not and my answer was maybe. She also cheated on her last boyfriend with me while he was in Bangladesh, but according to her she never loved him and they fought a lot but she also described him as being a very considerate person. On the other hand we've been pretty happy together and Chinese girls tend to only be interested in serious relationships with the prospect of marriage. She thinks Chinese men don't make good husbands (I also tend not to like girls from the USA). She was very upset when I had to go; all the body language is there (it's not just my opinion people have told me she looks happy and in love) and that's hard although not impossible to fake. I haven't seen anything inconsistent with a girl who is actually in love with a guy but I wouldn't be posting here if I didn't have some doubt. She wants me to meet her parents which is a major step in Chinese culture. We've had a lot of fun together she want's to have children at some point and she doesn't ask me to spend a lot of money on her even if I offer. Her family is not too bad off in China they own a house and some land and she has made what in China would be considered a small fortune from working on Saipan. I have seen relationships that are about money or green cards but ours doesn't seem to be like that. I know it's a bit thick for a first post but it's been on my mind a lot lately. |
| Mar 16, 2009 23:15 | #1 |
| It's fiction or non-fiction. if the girl has small forturnes with land and can earn a living for herself in current developed areas China like suburbans or outskirts near YangZi Delta areas, green card is meaningless and she is even unwilling to live in US... but you have to be very careful that some CN girls are cheating and watering for greencards or something... |
Last edited by COOLSPRINGS: Mar 16, 2009 23:29 |
| Mar 16, 2009 23:28 | #2 |
| From the perspective of a Chinese girl, I don't understand why you gave her your laptop since she has made a small fortune herself. And I don't think it is right to cheat on her ex even if with you, if she can do that to someone else, how can you know you won't do that to you? what I can suggest is that do never meet her parents unless you have made up your mind to marry her, I think it takes at least a couple of years to know someone enough. you can keep your relationship going and know her more. |
| Mar 16, 2009 23:54 | #3 |
| Her parents have maybe 25 acres of land and her savings would only be considered a lot in China. I gave her the nicer of my 2 laptops because I didn't need it. She's also frugal almost to a fault and wouldn't want to buy something like a laptop for herself. |
| Mar 17, 2009 00:32 | #4 |
| maybe I am just being cynical, but I would like to say something that I know. 25 acres of land in the countryside is definitely not a big deal, becuase Chinese peasants can barely benefit from their land, just make ends meet. but if this land is in outskirt area, it must bring in a lot of profits. I don't know your girl, so I can just suggest you don't meet her parents unless you are marrying her, be careful not to make her pregnant unless you want kids. and you can get to know her more through her friends, of course in a proper way, maybe she is the right girl for you. |
| Mar 17, 2009 05:49 | #5 |
| I'm a Chinese girl. What I want to say is that if you really fall in love with somebody, no matter which country he/she is in, the first important thing is trust. I still remember part from Titanic: "Trust me?" "I trust you." i don't want to talk about the movie, but if you don't even trust each other, how do you think you have the right to say "love"? China is an ancient and traditional country, so do her people. I think I can say most of Chinese people is traditional on such kind of relationship, esp. the one in a poor family. What's more, what's the meaning of love? In my college life I learned the meaning of going steady. It's to be married, or put it into this way, the purpose of going steady is for marriage. So the "maybe" answer to will you marry me is a little upset to me. Time is limited and will come back here again to talk about it next time. Hope you are OK. |
| Mar 17, 2009 22:25 | #6 |
| GUEST85243 | In China, the ownership of the land is the country or collectivity, people who owned land is impossible, unless he/she contracts the land from the collectivity. |
| Mar 18, 2009 20:55 | #7 |
| I thought a great deal about the same issue before I married my wife. One comfort for me is that my wife is 48 years old and not some sweet 30-something. My old gal is probably more stable, realizes the grass on the other side of the fence is rarely greener and understands the art of contentment. If you are an older man courting a significantly younger woman, I'd recommend extreme caution before walking down the isle to be married. |
| Mar 20, 2009 11:56 | #8 |
| I did not think, after spending time with her my I could not think anything but about her. I`m happy now... Carlos Anyway, if worried about fortune, there is always prenup... |
| Mar 23, 2009 03:50 | #9 |
| "The things that make me concerned about this is she has friends who have done this or are in the process of and really early in our relationship she asked me if I would marry her or not and my answer was maybe. She also cheated on her last boyfriend with me while he was in Bangladesh, but according to her she never loved him and they fought a lot but she also described him as being a very considerate person." ARTHURD, you must know this "Birds of a feather flock together". It is very similar to a Chinese idiom "物以类聚，人以群分". Since she had friends who have done this before, I am wondering if she will do this to you. Why did she cheat her last boyfriend? If she didn't love him, why not tell him and break up with him? Honesty is very important. She has already cheated her last boyfriend. Are you sure that she won't cheat you? Before visiting her parents, you have to think about these questions carefully. |
| Mar 23, 2009 03:58 | #10 |
| Of course, she might have already prepared for your questioning. You: "You said that you never loved your last boyfriend. But why don't you break up with him?" She: " Honey, you know he is a very considerate person. I really don't want to hurt him though I don't love him......" What will you say then? Forgive my directness, ARTHURD. Maybe, I am worried too much. |
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