| European girl and chinese boy - The two-sided sword | |
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| Jun 14, 2009 09:17 |   |
| guest11113 | Here’s my story: I’m a 21 years old girl, from southwest europe, currently studying and fighting to finish my mastership with merit. My objectives were well defined: get good marks, a scholarship and maybe studying abroad, have a successful career, be economically independent and stop to be a burden for my parents. Ok, that was all clear until the day this boy crossed my path. We meet during lunch time, on the canteens of my university. He come from nowhere and sits next to me. His asian appearance immediately caugh my interest, since I’m fascinated by Asia and I’m attending a Japanese language course at night. So It can’t be helped, I start to talk with him. After all he was Chinese and he was learning my language and staying in my uni for some months until return to China. It was a very interesting talk and in the end he asked my contact, I accept, maybe I could help him someway. Ok, he didn’t sound like a traditional shy asian boy, that surprised me. Several weeks passed, I had almost forgotten this event when he sends me a message. He would like to talk with me again and was inviting me for a dinner with friends. Big surprise…I refused ‘cause I had exam next day and also it sounded scary lol…we keep sharing sms and then we finally meet 2 weeks later, he invited me for a party. I went with a friend (u never know…) and that was our 2nd meeting at live. It was a great night, very nice people and I noticed that he was always looking at me or near me, even when I was talking with another ppl. Later he offered me a drink and we started to talk (the world around disappears) until he finally hold my hands and kinda confess his ‘love’! Very embarassing…so I realize ‘it’s late and I’ve to go back home’. At last he takes me home and when I was expecting a simple ‘goodbye’ he kisses me before left!… I was caught in the flow completely. The next days were a mess…though the work keeps me busy during the day, he always message me or invited me for coffee or dinner, in other words, we started to date. My feelings are contradictory because I feel good near him and I miss him when he’s not around, but at the same time, all this gives me anxiety and pain ‘cause he will have to leave soon and I don’t see myself leave everything here to go after him. I just can see a dead end...even when he says he want to make a life here in the future and so on. The cultural shock and our different lifestyles will collide soon or later, such an unusual couple …but he still puts such effort on this. He treats me very well and supports me when I’m having hard times with my studies… And now I wonder...better end all of this now, before we hurt each other or take the risk of an uncertain relationship? Also, he may be just looking for a summer adventure with a “white chick” before he goes back to his country, and I’m not looking for this at all! Any advices are welcome, I’m lost about the best move to do next…  Sorry for the long text! :S |
| Jun 15, 2009 04:30 | #1 |
| GUEST1251 | [quote=GUEST11113,52797]Here’s my And now I wonder...better end all of this now, before we hurt each other or take the risk of an uncertain relationship? Also, he may be just looking for a summer adventure with a “white chick” before he goes back to his country, and I’m not looking for this at all! First, you have to find out if he is serious about the relationship. If he is a dude who just wants to flirt with you, then you should dump him as early as possible. Love always blind sthe lovers who are in love. |
| Jun 17, 2009 22:44 | #2 |
 | Quote:Originally Posted by GUEST11113 Here’s my story:I’m a 21 years old girl, from southwest europe, currently studying and fighting to finish my mastership with merit. My objectives were well defined: get good marks, a scholarship and maybe studying abroad, have a successful career, be economically independent and stop to be a burden for my parents. Since your objectives are well defined, then concnentrate on your objectives. (If I were in you situation). Life is a journey. There are charming attractions on the two sides of path. If you want to reach the final destination smoothly and quickly, you should be psychologically well-prepared:( You are doomed to miss some attractions along the journey). |
| Jun 22, 2009 23:01 | #3 |
| GUESTPROPHET | Chinese guy & white chick. The chance of success is tiny. Your love is doomed to have no result. Give it up. |
| Jun 25, 2009 12:01 | #4 |
| Before asking others, ask yourself, what to do ? I read your writing carefully and found , if it is fact, your writing result is negative. |
| Jun 29, 2009 10:40 | #5 |
| GUEST11963 | Quote:Originally Posted by GUESTPROPHET Chinese guy & white chick. The chance of success is tiny. Your love is doomed to have no result. Give it up.That's bull! (or "GouPi!" as we say in China) I am an Australian woman married to a Chinese man and still living here in China. My husband and I will be celebrating our 3 year anniversary next month and we are now eagerly preparing for the birth of our first baby in February next year. Our relationship has had it's difficulties but much less than we expected - it's really been very easy. My husband is a loving, loyal and open-minded man. We respect each other and our different cultures and he treats me better than any other man I've ever met. His family is lovely - he is the eldest son - and although they are very traditional countryside people they have accepted me unquestionably. I have many foreign female friends who also have Chinese boyfriends/husbands and they are also very happy. Race/nationality is not important in a relationship as long as you have COMMUNICATION, COMMITMENT, and are able to COMPROMISE from time to time. Distance, on the other hand, can be troublesome. I hope all goes well for you! |
| Jul 2, 2009 04:31 | #6 |
| Well i think the situations can be varied.And it's hard to maintain this kinda relationship i suppose but there r plenty of them i know about get there successfully n they r very happy right now so yeah thts bullshit saying something like tht  Quote:Originally Posted by GUEST11963 That's bull! (or "GouPi!" as we say in China) I am an Australian woman married to a Chinese man and still living here in China. My husband and I will be celebrating our 3 year anniversary next month and we are now eagerly preparing for the birth of our first baby in February next year. Our relationship has had it's difficulties... |
| Jul 2, 2009 12:48 | #7 |
| GUESTORIGINA... | Hi again! Thanks to all of you for sharing your opinions and for the advices.I really appreciate it :) I know this is something that I've to figure out by myself...2 months after the beginning of this story, we still keep together and supporting each other. I simply couldn't stop my feelings and finish everything...We are very different in so many ways but we always respect each other. In fact, we learn a lot about ourselves and our cultures, there's no routine. The big question is: I won't leave my life and everything that I got here to go after him to China. At least not in the near future, I'm just begining my career. Maybe I'm too selfish, independent or maybe my love is not big enough :( So, he will have to leave soon, in the end of July...this is painful.He says he'll be back and make a future with me (really??). It's also unfair for him. I think I'm the head and he's the heart^^ Also he's the only son of their parents, I'm unsure about what would they think about this. I know that his duty is to take care of them in the end. People use to say that 'love can break every barriers'...I wish that could include distance and time. For now, I just can wait... Peace and love everyone |
| Jul 5, 2009 22:41 | #8 |
| [quote=GUESTORIGINAL POSTER,369973] People use to say that 'love can break every barriers'...I wish that could include distance and time. For now, I just can wait... Peace and love everyone[/quote] Hello guest, I sincerely wish you good luck. Yes, I used to receive many spam messages from strange members in this community. They said "Remeber the distance or colour does not matter but love matters a lot in life." |
| Sep 9, 2009 12:17 | #9 |
| GUEST37105 | I am Western and married to a Chinese man. I have been married over 20 years, and although I can say he is a good husband, over the years, he has used the culture card a bit too much. We live in the States, so I have to depend upon what he chooses to tell his family until I decided to learn the language and now tell them myself. The down side for me is the double standard. He will say that Chinese woman never disagree, or get loud. Whatever, I have more Chinese girlfriends than any other. He is almost 50 now, so he is old school on tradition. He actually believes that if we were both to do something equally wrong to hurt each other, then for me, I would be expected to not just say sorry, but to prove myself for however long until he felt comfortable. He does not feel he should. He feels that he is not wrong, refuses to ever say sorry and withholds affection, and kindness until I submit. He feels that if he calls me, I should have no problem to tell him who and where and when, but if I were to do the same, he would get angry, and say I don't like to be questioned, I do not feel I should have to answer to you, and just craziness. He cannot take criticism at all. I have asked many places if this is in fact a culture thing as he says, and I am waiting for direct answers. The Chinese women I speak too say this is bull. If it is not, how can I get him to take responsibility for his actions? I love him very much, and I am not loud or aggressive as many describe Western women. Also not all Chinese women are quiet and submissive. There are many types in every culture. Sometimes being in a new country and marrying to get here can be a false feeling of true submission. My friend married a mail order bride, every man was impressed that she sat at his feet. After 4 years, she took his money and greencard and brought over her whole family. So please judge gently guys. Western women have many great qualities as well as Chinese. I have 3 daughters who are beautiful. They look Chinese, but are tall and thin. Any help or advice would be appreciated from anyone, if you are an asian woman and this is culture and the women just take it, how do you do it? If not, what can I try? |
| Sep 10, 2009 06:10 | #10 |
| GUEST99125 | Quote:Originally Posted by GUESTPROPHET Chinese guy & white chick. The chance of success is tiny. Your love is doomed to have no result. Give it up.Being half a Caucasian half Chinese person myself, I find this comment irritating. Good job my parents didn't share your negative opinion. |
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