| Marriage with a westerner | |
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| Feb 5, 2010 22:44 |   |
 | Kind of confused: I've been dating a gal on the internet for 2 1/2 years. Yes I have met her (5-02-08). I'm close o asking her to marry me, but.... Her parents arranged a marrige that didn't work out (he passed away befor the marriage took place). She wasn't for it originally ,but it doesn't matter now. I want to ask this nice young lady to marry me, but I'm concerned about her parents response. She has said her mother wouldn't stand in the way of it. I don't know what her father might think. I guess I'm old-fashioned and would like have a blessing from both families. I offered to meet her family in March on my next trip, but she refusedf. |
| Feb 6, 2010 02:49 | #1 |
| Rictodd, You are not old-fashioned. I think that you are a good man. Having a blessing from her parents shows that you really care about and respect her parents. But I can't understand why she refused you to meet her parents. A bit weird. |
| Feb 6, 2010 05:00 | #2 |
| When a Chinese girl takes her bf home to meet parents it is the equivalent in the west of announcing an engagement. It usually entails meeting extended family and generally having a celebration. I too am surprised and slightly suspicious that she is refusing to do this. I think a little further probing is required. |
| Feb 7, 2010 23:58 | #3 |
| GUEST01395 | Quote:Originally Posted by RICTODD I've been dating a gal on the internet for 2 1/2 years. Yes I have met her (5-02-08). I'm close o asking her to marry me, but.... Her parents arranged a marrige that didn't work out (he passed away befor the marriage took place). She wasn't for it originally ,but it doesn't matter now. I want t... Good luck to you , but be careful of your international marriage. Most of international marriages are not satisfactory. You might get excited at the beginning, but later on, you can find too many cultural problems you can not reconcile. Also Asian women are kind of strange. If you can support and take care of her very well financially to make her dream come true, the relationship might be OK. My friend married a Cambodian American woman many years ago. Even though she was born in USA, she is a mental physco, and abusing children, and nosy with privacy of other children. |
| Feb 11, 2010 08:46 | #4 |
| Ric, can´t give you any good answer, so I tell you about my case. When I was in your situation, I asked my LaoPo, well at that time she wasn´t, heh... Anyway, I asked her if I should ask for her hand from her father. She simply said no. She also said it is only her business. So I guess, especially in cities, the traditions are slowly disappearing. I met her parents after I had ask proposed her, in fact my LaoPo arranged a dinner which, of course, I paid. There were her two older brothers with their wifes and children too. I felt there was no one against our marriage. "If you can support and take care of her very well financially to make her dream come true, the relationship might be OK." I don´t aggree that. Nor I aggree about anything GUEST01395 said. Carlos |
| Feb 12, 2010 01:26 | #5 |
| RICTODD, She said that her mother wouldn't stand in the way of your marriage. But her father didn't air his opinion yet. Better have a talk with her parents and listen to their opinions. Wish you good luck! |
| Feb 14, 2010 14:10 | #6 |
| GUEST17197 | Your story is not unusual, it happened to me 3 years ago, and the answer is surprisingly very simple: if there is true love between you two, and you have her mother's blessing - marry her. If you don't, maybe you'll say that you "could have and should have" but you "haven't" for years. China today is on the fast track to change - and marrying a foreigner is more acceptable than ever before. Her father will change his mind very shortly. Trust me he will. Good luck! |
| Mar 12, 2010 21:14 | #7 |
| Thank you all. She has changed her mind and we will be going to her home town for 5 days. Part will be to meet her family and part to explore her home town. I expect home town during the day and family at night. Her previous concerns were the cost and time of travel to go there. Cost in Mar4ch is better than in February so it is affordable. Still long time for travel (ha ha 3 hours by plane), but better than in Februrary. I still have problems with proper etiquette for a family style chinese meal. To mouth with chopsticks and from bowl with spoon or reversed? |
| Mar 13, 2010 06:23 | #8 |
| I have some information on Chinese etiquette generally. Let me know if you would like me to send it to you. |
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