Why are there so many leftover ladies in China?

Why are there so many leftover ladies in China?
Jun 26, 2013 21:43
KEVIN0518 Points: Join Date: Mar 13, 2007 Status: offline	Leftover ladies refer to those well educated, well paid, professional and independent women who fail to marry by the time they are 30. In fact, it is derogatory term. I have also heard other notions such as “old spinster” and “girls on the shelf”. “Old spinster” isn’t a good word too. “Girls on the shelf” sounds nice. When we put something on the shelf, it means we play to delay the time to do it. Girls above 30 are not leftovers. They just delay the time to get married. Yes, they delay the time to get married for a reason. But the truth is they are leftover ladies. Men including leftover men are seldom interested in girls on the shelf. If something is put on the shelf for long times, it might expire. Roseann, an American girl who has been to China for four years, shares her opinions on those girls on the shelf. According to her, those girls should have more than five boyfriends. Why? There are more boys than girls. It should be easy for them to find a boyfriend. It’s true that there are boys than girls. However, it is difficult for them to find “the best” for them. Remember they are well educated, well paid and independent girls. They don’t want to find ordinary boys as their husband. Roseann also says there is no “dating culture” in China. Girls one the shelf are very busy. Although they have their social life, they just confine themselves in small groups. They have dinner together with their friends and enjoy themselves in KTV. However, they don’t have chance to make new friends. Another reason is that their parents help them find their future husbands. Thus, they are not worried about this. Their parents arrange them to meet 10 men when they get back home for holidays. Eventually, they pick up no one to maintain further relationship. Why? They have too many choices. They can’t find the best from the 10 men for the first time. Then their parents arrange another 10 men for her to choose. They always think that they can find the best next time. Is China lack of dating culture? What about online dating? According to Roseann’s observation, those parents of leftover ladies register for their girls on the website and start to have conversations with those men they are interested in. If they think this man is ok, then they arrange a meeting for their daughter and the man. It is not the girl herself who talks to the men. Ok, here is another reason. Both Chinese men and women are reluctant to take the first step. Girls think that men should take the first step so that they lose many good opportunities. Why can’t girls take the first step? Men think girls who take the first step are easy girls. Why don’t men take the first step? Some men are afraid of being refused. Losing face is unacceptable.

Jun 26, 2013 21:43

KEVIN0518
Points:
Join Date: Mar 13, 2007
Status: offline

Leftover ladies refer to those well educated, well paid, professional and independent women who fail to marry by the time they are 30. In fact, it is derogatory term. I have also heard other notions such as “old spinster” and “girls on the shelf”. “Old spinster” isn’t a good word too. “Girls on the shelf” sounds nice. When we put something on the shelf, it means we play to delay the time to do it. Girls above 30 are not leftovers. They just delay the time to get married.

Yes, they delay the time to get married for a reason. But the truth is they are leftover ladies. Men including leftover men are seldom interested in girls on the shelf. If something is put on the shelf for long times, it might expire.

Roseann, an American girl who has been to China for four years, shares her opinions on those girls on the shelf. According to her, those girls should have more than five boyfriends. Why? There are more boys than girls. It should be easy for them to find a boyfriend. It’s true that there are boys than girls. However, it is difficult for them to find “the best” for them. Remember they are well educated, well paid and independent girls. They don’t want to find ordinary boys as their husband.

Roseann also says there is no “dating culture” in China. Girls one the shelf are very busy. Although they have their social life, they just confine themselves in small groups. They have dinner together with their friends and enjoy themselves in KTV. However, they don’t have chance to make new friends. Another reason is that their parents help them find their future husbands. Thus, they are not worried about this. Their parents arrange them to meet 10 men when they get back home for holidays. Eventually, they pick up no one to maintain further relationship. Why? They have too many choices. They can’t find the best from the 10 men for the first time. Then their parents arrange another 10 men for her to choose. They always think that they can find the best next time.

Is China lack of dating culture? What about online dating? According to Roseann’s observation, those parents of leftover ladies register for their girls on the website and start to have conversations with those men they are interested in. If they think this man is ok, then they arrange a meeting for their daughter and the man. It is not the girl herself who talks to the men.

Ok, here is another reason. Both Chinese men and women are reluctant to take the first step. Girls think that men should take the first step so that they lose many good opportunities. Why can’t girls take the first step? Men think girls who take the first step are easy girls. Why don’t men take the first step? Some men are afraid of being refused. Losing face is unacceptable.

Jun 28, 2013 19:30

GUEST92204

These are some of the observations I've made in my 10 trips to China:

- Overachieving girls set the bar too high, they have unrealistic demands and expectations, so most eligible men don't even have interest.

- Young Chinese women are much more driven than young Chinese men.

- Demanding parents, for whom many potential men are "not good enough", also stand in the way.

- Girls expect the men to come with a car and an apartment, except that realistically, those things are nothing but a dream for most bachelors.

- And add high paying secure job, good looks, sense of humor, confidence...the list goes on and on.

Jun 30, 2013 22:12	#2
CHERRY07 Points: Join Date: Mar 23, 2008 Status: Offline	I will join the leftover ladies group soon. I am a realistic girl. I never expect my future husband to buy an apartment and a car. We can work hard together to buy these things together. Unfortunately, my parents don't agree. They insist that my future husband should afford to buy an apartmetn at least.

Jul 1, 2013 06:11	#3
WANHU Points: Join Date: Feb 20, 2007 Status: Offline	Dear Cherry, you have a practical solution in marriage. Wan

Jul 1, 2013 21:51	#4
CHERRY07 Points: Join Date: Mar 23, 2008 Status: Offline	Quote: Originally Posted by WANHU Dear Cherry, you have a practical solution in marriage. Wan A practical solution can help me find my future husband soon. Otherwise, I will be a left-over lady for long time.

Jul 7, 2013 05:55	#5
GUEST20101	If you are old enough to be approaching sheng nu age you are old enough to decide your own destiny. It may seem a terrible thing to defy your parents but this is your life not theirs.

Jul 7, 2013 11:40

WANHU
Points:
Join Date: Feb 20, 2007
Status: Offline

It is perhaps, quite difficult to predict one's fate in marriage. Today people live in a rat race society, working so hard but gets so little. Not much time to meet people, coming out of the house before sun rises and gets home after dark. Instead of chatting during weekends in the park we can only chat online. Young people, before they meet friends and during certain festivals go visiting some relatives but now busy with computer games -- minus human interactions.
Wan

Jul 7, 2013 20:42	#7
KEVIN0518 Points: Join Date: Mar 13, 2007 Status: Offline	Dear Wanhu, I don't know how old you are. But you really know young guys' daily life. In fact, I am afraid of coming back home during holidays. I am a boy but haven't married yet. My parents will ask me to join blind date. My neighbors also ask whether I have a girlfriend and when I am to get married. It's embarrassing.

Jul 11, 2013 23:07

WANHU
Points:
Join Date: Feb 20, 2007
Status: Offline

Dear Kevin
It's a Chinese tradition that parents start to worry when their children of a marrying age do not have girlfriends/boyfriends. They would go all the way to even introduce partners for their children to choose. Being filial to parents it is hard for them to say no and keep their disagreement in their chests, enduring the pressure silently. I am lucky to have a parent that did not impose such a tradition, from a family of 10 (and I'm no. 9) we have the option to marry or not to marry because my parent understood that it is her children's life and not hers. When we wanted to get married we showed her our intended spouses for her blessing and consent on the day we got engaged.

In my society, parents do play role in their children's marriage because they want the best for them and their future life, but they never impose hardship on them because they understand of the generation gap. Like in my previous responses, we can't impose Montessori style for our preschoolers, education in the 50's to be accepted in this new millenium but it is good to blend.

As I were never in your shoes I don't feel why should I be embarrassed for not being married or having no girlfriend. Maybe because I am old though not ancient.

Wan

Jul 15, 2013 03:53	#9
KEVIN0518 Points: Join Date: Mar 13, 2007 Status: Offline	Wan, You may not know that people who are at the same age are almost married. Some neighbors care about you when they ask about this. Some other make fun of you. You know, some people might think you suffer from some kind illness if you don't get married. That's why my parents ask me to have blind dates when I am back home.

Jul 17, 2013 08:11	#10
WANHU Points: Join Date: Feb 20, 2007 Status: Offline	You post reminds me of a man, his son and old horse. The story has been narrated by many in different ways and localities. Wan

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