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Curiosity may very well kill the cat.
Nov 25, 2004 06:30
  • TFOX
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Okay..I have been chatting with a girl from guangzhou for over a year now.....via MSN...Actually I think it is more then a year...I forget how we met...Anyways....she wants me to come to China and visit..If I go I will be going for a month....I want to rent my own apartment while I am there...She says to stay with her But I have no idea what I am getting into....Anyone with a similar experience? Pros/cons......anything? I have gone through most of the possibilities in my head. My Mandarin is horrible!!! Anyone know of some good resources for learning Mandarin?

Thanks!
Nov 26, 2004 09:41
#1  
  • DAISY
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The friendship via internet is so special and precious, let alone the love abroad.
Do you chat with her via MSN only? Do you often give her a phone call? Phone call would give you a chance to know her better. Maybe you can find more info about Guangzhou before you leaving. I think you should rent your apartment during that time, because it will be your first really meeting after all. As a traditional Chinese girl, I don't think it is right/ good to live with a new friend/ lover for the first time. To be frank, it can be said that you are strangers out of the virtual internet world.
Dec 1, 2004 16:18
#2  
  • DAISY
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How about your love stories goes?

Jan 13, 2006 02:14
#3  
  • TAIKILIM
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u have been chatting with a girl from china for more than 12 MONTHS; she invites you to go stay with her... and u now have cold feet??!! why can't u see the good in this person? u choose to be distrustful, suspicious, then try to get some kind of 'assurances' from netsters; is this your outlook towards chinese people, asians? u think they have ulterior motives? i am ashamed of people like you. it's very puzzling what have u been chatting for more than a year. if i know this girl, i'd ask her to withdraw her invitation - you most defintely are not deserving.
Jan 13, 2006 22:20
#4  
  • JELLYFISH
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Hey, she said stay with her ...meaning stay in her house with other members of the family. What's your worry? Speak up!
Nov 29, 2006 02:13
#5  
  • JAMESWANG
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Wow, romantic adventure!
Nov 29, 2006 11:49
#6  
  • GRIZ326
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My experience-based suggestions:

#1 - If the gal is writing you through a translator it is unlikely you will recognize the personality of the gal you meet.

#2 - If you go to China; go to experience China not to meet the gal. If she leads you around by the hand, you will not have your own China memories.

#3 - Date the gal while you are in China, but keep your options open. You may not like her - see #1. It is likely that you will meet many Chinese women who want to practice their English.

#4 - Don't be too quick to hop in bed with her. I understand that such behavior is still technically illegal and can carry harsh penalties...but that's not the reason why. You become entangled once you are in bed with her.

#5 - Take lots of pictures of the sights: many with you in them and only a few with the gal in them.

Now if the gal speaks English, discard point #1.

However, people think in their native language, this makes misunderstanding of one's intent common.
Nov 29, 2006 13:34
#7  
  • INMEDIC
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hey,

If you get your own apartment or even a hotel you can still spend time together. I agree with Daisy I married my wife in China last year and we did not stay together when we first met. I think you should get to know the woman. Don't make a mistake and make a commitment before you get to know this woman first. It is tempting to stay with someone who is beautiful. I have found there are Chinese women who still have moral values and you should respect their culture. I want to send you good luck.
Nov 29, 2006 18:11
#8  
  • APAULT
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I chatted with a lady (can't say 'girl' as we are both of mature years!) for about 8 months and then visited. She invited me to stay in her home. The problem was I did not relate to her in real life as I did in chatting with video on the Net. It was VERY difficult extracting myself from this relationship which in her eyes was as good as being engaged. Basically she had said this to her friends and relatives. As well as being upset she lost a lot of face with her friends and especially neighbours because she had had a man in her apartment.

Generally speaking, the Chinese see a relationship as more binding than we might from the west. When parents hear their son/daughter has a gf/bf they think about formal enagagement as the next and likely step (I have discussed this with many uni students).

So I advise caution and recommend getting your own accommodation at first.
Nov 30, 2006 10:10
#9  
  • SASHA
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To TAIKILIM: Why so frustrated? He didn't mentioned anything towards Asians or Chinese... In fact, he is also asking for help to learn Mandarin... And he also said he is not sure what he is getting into...
I admit it's strange situation from my point of view, and I don't understand their relationship, but accusing person so bad without knowing anything?
Calm down, please...
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