| Chinese women and American men | |
|---|---|
| Dec 10, 2010 14:10 | #41   |
| GUESTMIKE | Hi, I've been emailing and chatting with a chinese woman, 31, and I'm in my 50s. We've only known each other one month, and she is insisting (and has been for two weeks now) that I come at the end of December and actually marry her on my first visit. When I say to her that I told her from the beginning that we need to allow sufficient time to know each other, she says she "doesn't want to waste time" and her friends tell her "some American guys play games." I'm just about ready to break it off because something feels fishy here, and she won't even wait for me to visit for the first time in late Feb. or March. She insists I come this month ready to marry. I feel she still doesn't really know me and I sure am learning about her. She says she is an optometrist in an Army hospital and is originally from the country; a "traditional" Chinese woman as she puts it. Thoughts about this situation? |
| Dec 11, 2010 20:51 | #42 |
| GUEST8301 | GUESTMIKE, Don't haste to get married. You even do not know much about her and never see her in person. I can not understand why she is so eager to get married. If she really loves you, she will listen to your advice. |
| Dec 13, 2010 20:05 | #43 |
 | GUESTMIKE, just one question, except for the romantic words, did she show any concern and caring for you? I know to fall in love with someone is always a nice thing but still I wish people could play it safe. I've just seen so many people get hurt and then have really bad impression about Chinese women. Really don't want that happy too often... But anyway, thiink it twice and carefully in this situation and wish you happy and good luck:-) |
| Dec 17, 2010 05:40 | #44 |
| GUESTCONFUSED | Hey all, What do you think: I'm an unemployed American (Caucasian) attending college for a degree to help my career. I've been dating a Chinese-born advanced college student (from the Hong-Kong area) over the past 3 years. She came to the US a few months before we met, and lives with family. She's in her mid-twenties, I mid-thirties. I'm her first Love, as she says. Some of her family members already hold Green Cards in America, and her parents will soon be here in a few years. Her fluency in English is superb (along with Cantonese and Mandarin), and we talk about everything. She smarter than me, at least educationally. Although we have fun intimately, and we both satisfy the other, she wants to remain pure until marriage which I respect. Marriage wont be until another few years, if it happens. She seems to be a nice and caring soul, and works a lot at various jobs. She seems to be a little bossy at times. Also, her mom was the breadwinner in the family. She was not spoiled, growing up in a middle-class lifestyle, although she did not begin working until 2 years ago. Her family (in both China and US) have not met me, but know of me but not much about me. To her friends at school, I'm only a friend. Some of her close friends know about our relationship, while others do not. All this has made me in some ways, uneasy. Because of this and other reasons, I started dating someone else about half-year ago (an experienced American similar to me in age and personality). More passion exists between the American and myself. I've also opened up to her more emotionally in a much shorter timespan too. It seems we're on the same level, in many ways, and that we can both help each other out. I've been introduced to some of her family, and will meet her parents soon. To make matters even more confusing, the Chinese and the American both know about each other, although I've told them both I will decide which one to continue with soon. But even before I told them, I talked about breaking up to the Chinese, or to open our relationship so she could possibly date other people. She does not want to. Even after I told her, she still refuses to break up with me, giving explanations as to why we shouldn't and the like. She cherishes our communication, and she seems to be ok with my infidelity, even though she's cried a lot. Overall, because the Chinese refuses to depart, and that there are qualities in both I like, I'm having trouble on which path to take. What's the Chinese underlying purpose; is it actually Love, a mixture of reasons, or something else entirely? These and other questions abound in my head. Also, what is the American's? In the long run, there's probably a better security with the Chinese. But what is security if nothing else? (I've been there before, and I don't want to go there again). I've never dated a Chinese woman before, so hence this post. |
| Dec 20, 2010 02:12 | #45 |
| Well, I'm a Chinese myself but I always say people are different. But if I have a boyfriend and I really love him, I would definitely tell the whole world that he's my boyfriend. I have lots of friends who really care about their viginity but they also show the relationship in public. I don't think it's a problem at all. The only possibility is that if I love someone and like the company but I know my family would never accept it (for example the age, career and things like that), I wouldn't let the family members know. Like you said, the Chinese / Hongkongese is a bit bossy. So she'll probably want to make everything under her control, in all ways. And maybe that's the reason that she didn't make it public. She loves you but she wants to wait until when she could convince everyone accept it... Anyway, as I said, everyone's a bit different so that's just what I guessed. Hope it helps... |
| Dec 31, 2010 20:23 | #46 |
| GUEST17784 | As an American woman I would love a platform to inform Chinese women of Western men who are not what they appear to be and to y caution them in what they are giving up and being promised. I was married to a man who as we were divorcing I found out that I was one of his 5 marriages. None of this info was disclosed as we dated.We went on to have a family of 6 children and were married for a rough 25 on and off years.I am thankfully divorced and happy with that. He is still searching and presently in China "interviewing" his next woman.I am sorry in advance to this woman who will not know his truths and will leave behind all that is truly important..family. |
| Jan 2, 2011 23:34 | #47 |
| GUEST7929 | Playboys are everywhere. Open your eyes and find a reliable person to marry. |
| Jan 28, 2011 07:57 | #48 |
| GUEST13277 | Yes, you are correct. I just posted that to provide a clue what it might be like in some cases, as a Westerner might not come to think of cultural differences and just hurry into making life changing decisions. My point is it is not wise to haste. |
| Jan 28, 2011 08:00 | #49 |
| GUEST13277 | Yes, yet even though in my case (GUEST13277) she could enjoy Western humor and speak English well enough, she didn't like the Western world at all. This is one of those things I should have found out before, I should have been adamant on slowing things down |
| Mar 3, 2011 17:29 | #50 |
| GUEST17112 | For sure, go for it. I married a woman from china, but you can have this one without all the expense I went through. One thing, language is a problem for sure. And if she is the kind that just wants her way, instead of being reasonable..... YOU'RE DONE DUDE WHEN YOU DIVORCE HER. Be careful, some of these women make the best wives. Some of them are like the devil. Frank. |
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