Why marry a Chinese girl?

Why marry a Chinese girl?
Nov 1, 2009 01:27	#361
BOBERT Points: Join Date: Jan 1, 2009 Status: Offline	I agree with much of what you say GUEST14530. I think the majority of men, from all cultural backgrounds, prefer subservient women. Most men find women who demand equality very confronting and even emasculating. I know I will be accused of generalising, and of course I am, but many Chinese women have not yet discovered womens emancipation and come from a male dominated patriarchal society. There is a core of western men who thrive in just such an arena. I have witnessed some incongruous mismatches of Asian women and western men. Ugly, fat, old western men with beautiful young Thai partners. I have also seen insipid, moronic, dregs of western society with beautiful intelligent Japanese partners. The benefits to both sides are obvious. The downside seems lost to all but a few. I agree with you that it's wrong to say 'chinese women are better because of this' or 'western women dont care about family'. We all want different things from partners. Some want dominance. Some want subservience. Some even want equality. Personally I think I would find it very boring for my partner to agree with me all the time. I would also find it very dull to have so little in common.

Nov 1, 2009 01:27

#361

BOBERT
Points:
Join Date: Jan 1, 2009
Status: Offline

I agree with much of what you say GUEST14530. I think the majority of men, from all cultural backgrounds, prefer subservient women. Most men find women who demand equality very confronting and even emasculating. I know I will be accused of generalising, and of course I am, but many Chinese women have not yet discovered womens emancipation and come from a male dominated patriarchal society. There is a core of western men who thrive in just such an arena.

I have witnessed some incongruous mismatches of Asian women and western men. Ugly, fat, old western men with beautiful young Thai partners. I have also seen insipid, moronic, dregs of western society with beautiful intelligent Japanese partners. The benefits to both sides are obvious. The downside seems lost to all but a few.

I agree with you that it's wrong to say 'chinese women are better because of this' or 'western women dont care about family'. We all want different things from partners. Some want dominance. Some want subservience. Some even want equality. Personally I think I would find it very boring for my partner to agree with me all the time. I would also find it very dull to have so little in common.

Nov 1, 2009 01:41

#362

HERBEAT
Points:
Join Date: Mar 17, 2009
Status: Offline

Hehe, I think you should be accused if I were a man, Bob^-^ But anyway, I like to tell my own opinions but at the same time, I like to do the housework. I'm traditional in mind and I think a female should follow her husband's voice, especially in public. However, it's not because I have not discovered women's emancipation but because if there's any reason to marry someone, that would be love. And if I love someone, I would like to listen to his opinion, most of the time, even though I'm very independent. I guess most male would like to be respected. Emm... am I right?

Nov 2, 2009 18:19

#363

BOBERT
Points:
Join Date: Jan 1, 2009
Status: Offline

Yes HERBEAT, I'm sure most men like to be respected. However respect must be earned, not demanded. Some men simply want to be obeyed! Of course some women have the same problem. Ideally marriage should be an equal partnership.

To me your comment "I think a female should follow her husband's voice, especially in public" is a little bit sad. I believe the one with the most logical argument is the one who should be followed. Your comment would be scoffed at by most western women which shows just how far womens liberation still has to go in China.

Nov 2, 2009 18:51

#364

MARRIE
Points:
Join Date: Jan 7, 2008
Status: Offline

Both men and women should be respected. Honestly speaking, before going abroad i have no ideas how couples and co-workers treat each other in the rest of China. After living overseas a couple of year and having the chance to get in touch with the Chinese from other parts of China, the summary is we Shanghainese women really support of the other half of the sky just like western counterparts. The other secrect is that if a shanghai couple go shopping or eat at restaurant, Shanghai girls usually let the husbands pay the bill even if the money is from her pocket. Public face most of time is more important to men than girls, which we shanghai girls know quite well.

Nov 2, 2009 22:39	#365
HERBEAT Points: Join Date: Mar 17, 2009 Status: Offline	I agree with you, Marrie. I think sometimes the so-called face is very important to a man, well, at least to a Chinese man...^-^ But when it's not in public, it would be another story^-^

Nov 3, 2009 00:00

#366

GUESTANNA LIAO

I am a chinese girl. I have never been out of china but i have some foreign friends here. I have been reading this hot topic here. And i want to say to you all is most chinese girls are as good and honest as you think. But there are quite a few are just looking for foreigners as a bridge to get out of china. I have to say they are quite a few and stupid. Most of us are well educated and we can all make a living by our own hands now. I think anyone who have been to china will know that china is not that bad as before. it's developing fast. What you can get out there you can get in china too. So if you find a girl in china. just love her sincerely as how she loves you. Be honestly, i have been through three foreign boyfriend here. but im not that lucky. Never meet the right one at the right time.But i will keep on trying. I think he is somewhere waiting for me. Just a matter of time. I am sorry if i say too much bullshit as i don't know how to use english very well.

Nov 3, 2009 00:24	#367
BOBERT Points: Join Date: Jan 1, 2009 Status: Offline	May I suggest that if "have been through three foreign boyfriend here" then you try a Chinese boyfriend instead.

Nov 3, 2009 03:55	#368
HERBEAT Points: Join Date: Mar 17, 2009 Status: Offline	I don't like the idea that keep trying until you get the right one at all. But think it clearfully before you decide to go steady with someone. Otherwise you're hurting them, or the true love... Argh, I really dislike it...

Nov 3, 2009 04:14

#369

DODGER
Points:
Join Date: Jul 15, 2007
Status: Offline

I actually interpreted Heartbeats comment “I think a female should follow her husband's voice, especially in public" as more of a showing a united front in public. I could of course be entirely wrong.
I do think however that many western men misinterpret the Chinese Women’s body language and read it as being passive. I don’t think it is at all. Confucianism is long gone.
My Wife and I attended a business meeting the other day.
When it was over there was blood on the floor, but it wasn’t hers.
I have now dubbed her “the silent assassin” and I’m still laughing about the meeting.
Dodger.

Nov 3, 2009 14:08

#370

BOBERT
Points:
Join Date: Jan 1, 2009
Status: Offline

I don't for one minute believe that Chinese women are passive. However I do believe that they use their powers judiciously and have a clear view and acceptance of their social standing. They are well aware of the benefits and the responsibilities of that status.

I have witnessed many Chinese women asserting their rights, especially in money matters. They are particularly demanding with underlings, often morso than males. However kowtowing to superiors and husbands is also common.

HERBEATs suggestion that "a female should follow her husband's voice, especially in public" would be abhorrent to most western females and most reasonable western males alike. The notions of males "saving face" or marriages presenting united public fronts are largely irrelevant in western culture.

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