| How to deal mother-and daughter in law relationship? | |
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| Nov 5, 2007 09:47 | #41   |
 | kkIn answer to you Dodger, I can’t help this time but to duplicate my answer to Kevin. I will only add to your commend that at the very moment, it all boils down to just that. (The moment in question if it ever happen,) hopefully never! |
| Nov 6, 2007 14:45 | #42 |
| Quote: "We cannot know how we would react under stress until that moment comes." I agree with that and I have living experience about that my self. But, still, this is easy for me, I would save my wife, my mother is a very good swimmer and my wife can´t swim at all. This hypothesis is not fair because of differences between cultures and social security of different countries. I don´t have to take care of my parents economically or otherwise. Only visit them and remember them, give them a feeling that I care, and I care. So if my wife doesn´t get along with my mother, then shame on her or her or both, not on me. I live with my wife and visit my mother, with my wife or without my wife. Carlos |
| Nov 6, 2007 19:18 | #43 |
| Quote: The ideal situation is that your wife can swim. Thus, you just need to save your mom first. Haha, therefore, you should find a girl who can swim. Jimmyb, what if the wife is narrow-minded? She might think that you do not love her and your mom is the priority. I believe that all girls hope that they rank the first place in her husband's mind. |
| Jan 6, 2008 02:29 | #44 |
| GUEST05140 | if you want to be happy you must make many sacrafices for your inlaws it will make your husband happy and youll just get yousto it after 20 years i apreciate my inlaws and try to enjoy them while i can.plus they do their best to try to take care of us even though we can take care of ourselves.just smile and be greatfull.i have chinese in-laws.im 1/2 mexican 1/2 white.you must realize your husband loves his parents and if you love a man you must love his parents. even though they wake us up evory weekend. |
| Jan 7, 2008 22:06 | #45 |
| Quote: Jimmyb, what if the wife is narrow-minded? She might think that you do not love her and your mom is the priority. I believe that all girls hope that they rank the first place in her husband's mind. Well, that would be a big problem. Thus, I should choose a broad-minded wife and then the problem is solved. Recently, I watched a TV programme that is about mother-in-law and daughter-in-law relationship. In that programme, the girl's mother-in-law treats her badly. In front of her son, she treat the girl very well. However, when her son is not at home, she starts to scold the girl badly. I really can't understand this. My friends explained to me that it had something to do with "Oedipus complex". Boys love their mother more and their mother also loves their son. Just imagine, you (the wife) have 'seized' her son from her and from now on he will live with you not her mom. How is her mother's feeling? She can't accept this since she has fed his son for at least 22 years. What do you think of it, reasonable or not? |
| Feb 17, 2008 21:04 | #46 |
| GUESTTEX | well, I have encounter the same problem too, even though i haven't married yet. My mother has been very demanding to my girl friend ever since we be together. I understand that they came from different generation, different background and different culture, so, my mother has been very upset about why my girl friend would not act as what-she-think that a good daughter-in-law should, and following all the traditional way... I've promised my mum to teach her in someway in order to please her.. but sometimes, even I myself also cant really do accordingly or agree to my mother's old-chinese-traditional "law". My girl friend ever ask me the same question, asking me when she and my mum fell into the river at the same time, who will I save first. She has got her own answer already, but still, she asked me. Luckily, my answer matched with hers, where she said she will learns how to swim to safe herself beforehand, and I have to safe my mother.... It was very touching when i heard of this, as she answered me before I answered. My answer to her was, "I will teach you how to swim before things happen, for you to safe yourself, even when I am not around." I hope she really can do so at her very best.. I hope she could really understand my standing too. We are not living under one roof yet, but, it will definitely happen as I won't left my parents behind. I agree with what jimmy said that our mother would feel as if the wife has seized their son from her. Out of a little bit of jealousy, the relationship between a mother and daughter in law would be tighten, and we as a middle man between the two parties, our role is very important to please both sides, and lighten the relationship... It would be easier, if we understand the feeling of both parties... Good luck to you and me.... |
| Feb 18, 2008 20:55 | #47 |
| "she said she will learns how to swim to safe herself beforehand, and I have to safe my mother." GUESTTEX, you really have a considerate girlfriend. Don't let her slip away. I agree with you that we men should play our role of middle men very well. BTW, may I know if you are a Chinese? As far as I know, foreigners seldom have this problem since they don't live with their parents. |
| Jun 6, 2008 09:24 | #48 |
| GUEST32158 | Set her on fire and watch your (my) MIL burn!!! I'm American and she's Chinese. It wouldn't be so bad if she would just stay at home...but since our new baby arrived I can't get the WITCH out of my house. Now I try to be nice...I let her see our little girl, but the only problem is she won't give her back!! She "takes over" because she thinks that's what she's supposed to do...even when I tell her NO. Then my spineless sham of a Chinese husband makes matters worse by taking her side. We lost our first little girl last year and it was very hard on both of us...when we had to get her delivered MIL decided to come to take care of me. She kicked my husband out of his bed in the hospital SO SHE COULD SLEEP IN THE ROOM WITH US...then made him and I share ONE hospital bed!! Then with number two baby she invited herself to stay once again and kept the baby for 3 weeks WITHOUT letting me hold, touch or feed her because I was supposed to be 'resting'. It may be culture differences but my god there should be some kind of consideration....and Chinese men are total mama's boys. All you men marrying Chinese women should thank their lucky stars they don't have to put up with MIL the way us women do!!!! |
| Jun 9, 2008 16:39 | #49 |
| My Chinese wife has five older brothers and two younger sisters. Her father was an Army Officer and her mother was a dancer in the Chinese Army. All my wife's family was raised in the desert of Xinjiang. Since the death of her husband twenty years ago, my mother-in-law has been passed from family to family and none of her daughters in law liked having her around. My wife has spent many hours on the telephone with her brothers (two of whom are doctors) negotiating her care. Unfortunatley for me, the old lady is now in our spare bedroom here in New Hampshire, U.S.A. She has a bad heart, bad eyes, walks very slowly and speaks not a word of English. She will not play with my daughter ( 5 years old) or even pick her up and only sees other old Chinese ladies on Wednesday and Sunday when we take her to a Chinese Bible Church. She cannot read Chinese (well) or English at all. We put on CCTV on the internet for her to keep abreast of things but she has no social life 5 days a week. The old tradition of the Mother-In-Law dominating the son's wife has led to a backlash where the women don't want to have to put up with it anymore. There is no easy solution. |
| Jun 15, 2008 21:01 | #50 |
| YINDUFFY, did your wife decide to take care of your mother-in-law volunteerly? It seems that you are a little bit annoyed by her. |
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