| How to deal mother-and daughter in law relationship? | |
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| Jun 25, 2008 01:28 | #51   |
| GUEST11697 | For sure,,My wife. My dad will save my mom |
| Jun 26, 2008 09:35 | #52 |
 | JimmyB, I had our spare bedroom set up as an office with a desk, our main computer, bookshelves and telephone. Now my wife's mom sleeps there and actually spends most of her time there. We moved the big desk to the basement and bought a bed. She goes to bed early so I can't really use the room as an office anymore and we do most work on the dining room table. When her Mom first came, she helped in preparing meals and my wife told me she was disappointed at how bad a cook she was. I have come home from work several times to find the smell of gas in the kitchen from the stove being turned on but not lit. Now she has orders not to try and light the stove by herself. My wife jokingly calls our 5 year old daughter "little trouble" and her Mom "Big trouble". We only took her in against my wishes because she was refused by all the other daughters-in-law. It is like having two children. We cannot let Grandma stay alone with our daughter because she would be useless in any kind of emergency. I only let her stay out of sympathy for my wife who would feel bad for the rest of her life if she were to kick her mom out. |
| Jun 26, 2008 22:17 | #53 |
| "For sure,,My wife. My dad will save my mom" GUEST11697, what if your dad isn't with you? "We only took her in against my wishes because she was refused by all the other daughters-in-law." YINDUFFY, how about her sons? They also don't want their mom stay at their homes? According to Chinese law, children have the obligation to support their parents. They shouldn't kick their mom as a ball from one place to another. Your wife is good. Athough her mom is a "big trouble", she still doesn't abandon her but supports her. Cherish and love her forever! |
| Jun 26, 2008 23:10 | #54 |
| Mr. Y. and Jimmy, I used to meet an old woman whose unusual annoying behavior seems unbearable. She is not chinese and could be from Yogoslavia or somthing. this woman is induldging in talking, talking and talking, sometime others even suspect she is talking to herself on the phone. and in Christmas, she would like to display lots of cards that i heard from others seems she send and write to herself. most of times she would like to play inferior political games-making troubles for fun, that could be from her ignorance and rash aggressiveness. Although she is old, but others could still feel the fire-lots of jealousy fire in her burning heart, which makes her look like a female lion that is ready to eat everybody around her. I am afraid such natural personality defects could be inherated by her son or daughter... So Jimmy, it's lucky never coming up with the person that i described. such person should have been sent to special care center or psychiatric hospital. |
| Jun 27, 2008 09:52 | #55 |
| JimmyB, My mother-in-law has been widowed for at least 20 years. during that time she has been with most if not all of her sons. She has spent most of her time in Jianjiang, in the South, living with one Son ( A head cardiologist) his wife and son in a three-bedroom 4th floor apartment supplied by the hospital. There the mother-in-law never got along with the Daughter-in-law. as all my Chinese relatives live in apartments, it is not easy squeezing another person in. It is human nature for the wife to compete with the mother-in-law for the son / husbands attention. you can see that in the discussions about whom to save first in an emergency. In Western (American) society when a couple gets married, they start their own family, apart from the families of the bride and groom. They keep a respectable distance from both sets of in-laws. In fact it is considered humiliating in the U.S. to have the wife's mother live with the family. There are many jokes about the poor husband in these circumstances. Ideally, the parents would "let them live their own lives." and not get too involved in day-to-day affairs. |
| Jun 29, 2008 21:47 | #56 |
| She is really horrible, Marrie. I wonder if she has been suffering from an illness. However, it seems that people would like to say more and more when they are old. Sometimes, they just talk to themselves. I have seen such old men or women. I don't know what makes them talk, talk and talk. Is it because they are too lonely? By the way, how did you survive that old lady, Marrie? YINDUFFY, that is culture difference. As I have said before, marriage is not a matter of two persons but of two clans. In China, a man needs to support both his parents and parents in law. You see, most of the girls are the only chidlren in their families. After getting married, their parents have no one else to depend on. Thus, the man naturally take the responsibility to support his parents-in-law. And this is why some guys make a joke that they will marry a girl who isn't the only chid in her family so that they needn't take care of his parents in law. By the way, if you leave your parents in the nursing home or don't support your parents, you will be regarded as an unfilial son. Other people will look down upon you. However, problems appear when your parents living with you, that is, the contradictories between your mom and your wife. Usually, your dad are in peace with your wife. This is quite strange. |
| Jul 5, 2008 02:11 | #57 |
| GUEST54164 | does chinese men prefer a chinese women to be their gf? does the chinese signs matters in a chinese-non chinese relationship? lastly, how can a non-chinese girl can get the attention of a chinese guy? is there a chance? |
| Jul 22, 2008 15:51 | #58 |
| GUEST86140 | Must be different in the US. Neither husband nor wife has any obligation to establish a relationship with the other's parents unless they want to of their own accord. It's up to husband to manage his family relationships and wife to manage her side. If they don't want to mix, fine, that's their choice and not a big deal - the parents just want to see their own adult children, and if the child visits alone, there's nothing wrong at all with that. Does make it hard in cultures where family support obligations are put before your marital ones. That would be tough to manage. |
| Dec 24, 2008 05:49 | #59 |
| GUEST47191 | GUEST32158, I totally understand your point. I can't even stand my own mother, and here we are talking about mother in law. My mother in law and I are both Vietnameses, and I couldn't stand how she kept me from walking around the house, doing the dishes, feet without socks, and many more right after I gave birth to my first daughter. I understood she did that for my own good, but she annoyed the hell of me. I hate to depend on someone. There was a few times my MIL wanted to calm my baby when she was crying, and I said no because I was doing the job, but she insisted. She pulled my baby girl off my hands...one time I got so pissed, yelled at her. I felt bad after that, and she still has not stopped. My husband is her only child. I understand that it's his responsibility and support him to take care of them at the old age. What annoying me is she wants to take all the credits of rising my baby girl even though we paid her to babysit my 3 months baby while we at work. Anything good, she takes credit, and anything bad, she pours it on us. As a mother, I do not like anyone saying that I do not know how to take care my own baby. My baby girl is perfect. She repeatedly pour anything bad on us, and I told her that I do not like to hear that again. She got all upset and raised her voice with me while my husband sitting there. My husband did not say anything. I also raised my voice after she raised her voice with me. And she blamed that I raised my voice first, and it is not acceptable under her roof. Back to question about who to save first. Well, i honestly want my husband to save his mother, and I don't mind to die. I hope there is a solution to our problem, if not, I will withdraw myself...the sad thing is we just have a baby girl. :-( |
| Jan 11, 2009 07:04 | #60 |
| GUEST53142 | well its either you live with your mother and get divorced by your wife, or you live alone with your wife and have both relations intact. Think about it and be practical. |
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