| Chinese mens' views of love, friendship, etc. in marriage, etc. | |
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| Jan 24, 2009 19:06 | #21   |
| GUEST12156 | I am married to a chinese man. My mother -in-law is definitely intrusive. I had to be very blunt with her to protect my privacy. I am married to the only child male. He is not intrusive. When we argue he would be very mean ie: pointing fingers, slamming door or walking away... I am wonder what does this mean.... I don't know if I can assume most chinese men act like this? |
| Oct 17, 2009 03:45 | #22 |
 | I'm not chinese nor am I married to a chinese man. I grew up in a very chinese dominated area. My best friends were chinese, my babysitter was chinese and about 95% of my nieghborhood were chinese. What I've learned growing up there is that their relationships vary just like anywhere else. It all depends on who you marry. If you marry a more modern chinese man then it probably won't be to much different. But if you marry a very traditional man then it might be a little tough to adjust to his lifestyle. From what I've seen chinese mothers can be very overbearing. To the point that it use to piss Toy and Long off and they grew up with this. So to someone that's not use to it, it might be a little overwhelming. Some husbands were very kind wonderful husbands and fathers. Some were not. Toy's father was abusive. And it was the norm to them. Her older brother, Sun, was even allowed to punish and hit them. I hadn't seen it until I was about 16, but I had seen the after effects. When I was 16 I went in the backyard to feed my rabbits and I heard Sun shouting in chinese and Long crying and Tommy (the youngest boy, at the time he was only about 4 months old) crying. So I peeked over the fence to see Long sitting on the back porch hunched over with Tommy in her lap and Sun standing over her with their broom (They made them. They were these long fuzzy cattail things all bound together. The handle was about 2 in. thick.) And he was hitting her with it. And not lightly. So I proceded to yell at him. I began shouting obsenities and telling him he was in America and that he couldn't do that here, that I was gonna call the cops, ect. He ran inside after that. So I jumped the fence and took the baby, made sure Long was alright, so forth and so on. My father later had a nice long talk with her father and i didn't "see" to many bruises after that. But I don't think they stopped hitting them. I they just got more quite about it. But take the people across the street as a different example. She cheated on her husband and had a blonde hair blue eyed little girl (that she didn't speak a lick of english, she was so cute). They also had an older son together. The husband had left her but still came around all the time, was a great father and didn't even treat the mother badly. He was a real nice guy. So my really really long point (I know I went off on a tangent) is, it all depends on who you marry. |
| Jan 16, 2010 03:47 | #23 |
| GUEST47157 | hiiiiiiii I have a chinese boy friend,i am really interested in knowing how is the life like while you live with a chinese man! He actually proposed me to marry him and live with him in China! u know, I am iranian. He is really lovely. |
| Mar 15, 2010 21:14 | #24 |
| GUEST41213 | I have dated a chinese man here in the united states, he is very shy and would not look at me. He was very affectionate behind closed doors, but would not hold my hand in public. I am white and brought up here. His idea of how romance goes is very different than mine, but I am highly attracted to him so if you want to be in a chinese mans life, then my thought is to respect his wishes, except for any physical violence. |
| Apr 8, 2010 20:41 | #25 |
| GUEST++++ | For the fist question, I would say yes. You can only tell ur secret to the best friend, right? and if I am in trouble, I hope she will give me full support and help me out. But, I value my friends very much. Even at the same level with my wife. Maybe , sometimes it will make her unhappy. |
| May 19, 2010 03:11 | #26 |
| GUEST65070 | chinese man western man family opinions parents---kids---wife wife---kids--parent wife die--most sadness wife die--happness wife's birthday most forgot flowers cheap gifts festival---expensive gifts appreciation hardly say thanks thanks and finish buy something better value reward property finish asap or ready to finish monthly thinking ,trouble coming sell everything drink in dinner anytime or no drink holiday money ready no time must be insis holiday done,money finished,plan next one kids best school does not matter saving always planed no saving anger hiding immediately romantic love is long and conservative love is flower and now,tomorrow is another |
| May 19, 2010 03:22 | #27 |
| interesting!  |
| May 19, 2010 03:31 | #28 |
| GUESTEVA | GUEST61113, You show us a touching story. I m a Chinese and I know what you said is really true, the traditional Chinese men are going like that. Culture difference is something we can understand but hard to put in action. |
| Jun 29, 2010 19:31 | #29 |
| GUEST39253 | I am a 21 year old chinese man who lived in the west for 10 years and china(mainland) for 11 years. So I guess I qualify as well. I am going to get married with a Brazilian girl. Anyways to your questions. There are big differences between generations, class backgrounds and where you are from in China. Ofcourse upbringing, friends etc make a difference as with any culture. I will answer them personally. I am the best friend of my future wife and I love to be. I love to know about her day, to talk to her. I am currently learning more about her language, culture etc. I love to be with her. if they are your best friends, why wouldn't you share. Of course there are men's only topics for the guys, but generally, yes, for me i love to be enmeshed in my marriage. Chinese men likes masculinity and they don't like asking for help from their wives. You got to learn about the honor/shame background of our culture(its called face in China). Our whole culture is engrained in it. if he ask help he loses face unless it is necessary or something not very important. well I feel its a place for both, you got to be in love and love your partner, which requires romance. But family, is family, so it has its place to have children, to build a future together etc. Chinese men are usually sexually active with high libidos. We do want to please and be pleased. So if he is not going to get some in marriage, the chances are he is going to get some some where else. (not speaking about personally, just from what I observed) Depends whether he likes his marriage. Adultery is not culture related. It depends on the person, this question you cant generalise. |
| Sep 10, 2010 02:50 | #30 |
| GUEST40221 | Yes it is an interesting topic. I have a Chinese boyfriend. He surprised me when he said that he wants to marry with me only like a week later we got together. That is something really that I do not understand. So I would like to hear about also in general do Chinese guys care the marriage more than dating? |
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