| Why do overseas Chinese men seldom marry western women? | |
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| Nov 10, 2008 19:01 | #91   |
| GUEST1491 | GUEST13178, "He adored being the initiator and I enjoyed being pursued and catered to; however, as soon as I began to reciprocate, he became distant." The guy you dated was a little "outdated". The Chinese men I have met were quite open. They said that they wouldn't mind if girls chased them. Who said that happiness must be equal to "men chase women" in courtship? Women can be good initiators in courtship. Happiness will not stand still awaiting you. You must pursue it. |
| Nov 10, 2008 19:19 | #92 |
 | From my observations, overseas born Chinese boys prefer chinese grils than non-chinese girls. |
| Nov 11, 2008 15:39 | #93 |
| GUEST11776 | Wow! I might be wrong, but there seems to be hardly any male voices who are Chinese. There are other discussion forums (I'm sorry I can't remember the names offhand) that discuss asian men and black women dating. Which is another perspective altogether. If two people are compatiable regardless of race or ethnic background then the only thing that will keep them from pursuing a deep meaningful relantionship is their own will to overcome the world's trappings of what is considered beautiful and what is acceptable to everyone else. You can have a horrible experience in an intteracial relantionship just as you could in a relantionship where the two are from the same race and background. My own personal experience has been that people are people. Culturals and ethnic backgrounds are just the clothes we wear. The true individual, that person's heart, is what you should look at and notice. I think people miss out on a lot of great opportunities not just for romance but for friendships as well. |
| Nov 13, 2008 22:55 | #94 |
| GUEST25599 | Thank you!!!! I have been thinking the exact same thing as I read these posts!!! Where are these people FROM? If you find somebody attractive, date them. They are individuals - you can do that without romanticizing them based upon their race/culture and without demeaning people from other races/cultures you don't want to date. Better yet, how about not choosing your partners based upon race/culture at all?? How about, as a revolutionary idea, you choose people based upon who they are as individuals??? |
| Nov 13, 2008 23:17 | #95 |
| GUEST25599 | I have to disagree with you. I will admit, as a caucasian woman that in the past I have not been overly attracted to asian men. That said, over the past three years I have been dating a Chinese man, originally from Hong Kong but grew up (in a traditional family) in Canada. He was a very handsome man with a great build. He was a smaller man than I am used to, but for a 40 year old he had an amazing physique and was not in the least inferior (possibly the opposite) to caucasian men I have dated. To address another poster - I actually took more interest in his culture than he did, and his parents who had disliked his dating white women before actually wanted him to hurry up and marry me. Although he had some major issues, they were not related to his race or culture, and I actually found the cultural differences to be quite beautiful. He treated me very well - better than most white men and certainly did not expect me to be subservient. This western woman would date another Chinese man in a heartbeat.... |
| Nov 20, 2008 22:18 | #96 |
| GUESTHK | >>I find Asian men to be among the most attractive in the world because of their cultural values and personal attributes. I don't discount American men, but feel put off most of the time by what is often regarded as typical masculine identity here, which feels pushy and arrogant to me. I must say that cultural views, or views on gender roles or feminist bigots or all that... in all these pages of discussions (yours just happens to hit it on the head), all have perfect mirrors at least in Hong Kong forums where guys (and girls) always complain about gender roles and feminism and all that... even tho. in my country feminism is not at all prominent. We have a Cantonese saying that... "when you think others are good (in good shape, being kind-hearted, doing very well in your life), others think you in the same way". Vice versa, when you complain about America (and you like Asian men for some reason), Chinese guys here also rant a lot about Chinese women in the same country. (Pardon my English, btw, can't find better words for all these) |
| Nov 20, 2008 22:35 | #97 |
| GUESTHK | >>You'd be surprised to know that most Chinese find themselves inferior to others. It's instilled in them when they are very young, by parents, teachers, and most leadership figures. It's a way to control them and their choices. If you don't believe that you can make these BIG decisions in your life then of course you're going to get counsel from those people you have been trained to trust (your family). I'm being a very young Chinese and I don't feel very entitled to question your comment very vocally, but I don't get WHY "Chinese think they are inferior". I'm a student and I talk to scholars at university on formal terms, tho. I address myself as an ordinary person (not "your humble student", that kind of Qing-Dynasty pronouns in the Chinese language). >>she said the gift had to be at least $10,000USD to give her family face. That's downright materialistic. In Chinese terms, that's promiscuous/materialistic/a golddigger, at least in my opinion. This would sound downright outrageous at least to most younger Hong Kong Chinese (younger than 30, say). In Hong Kong, people are more concerned about buying a flat (several million dollars in our currency, and not easy at all to buy until you get over 30 and married)... then a mere gift. But needless to say, quite a few Hong Kong people (guys) have, as I can see in some forums, a very bigoted view against their female counterparts having relationships with white guys, just because of the alleged golddigging. |
| Nov 23, 2008 12:34 | #98 |
| >>But needless to say, quite a few Hong Kong people (guys) have, as I can see in some forums, a very bigoted view against their female counterparts having relationships with white guys, just because of the alleged golddigging. << HongKong is said to be a gold baby as a heritage of British colonial land. It high development level especially in trade and finance to some extent exceeds England, which is attributed to its integreation into british developed civilization and more important chinese talents and diligence. HongKongnese including females are material monsters and hard worders and they are definitely not bananas although HongKong was leased by Great Britain for almost 100 years. Guest, I don't think HongKong girls are what you think like. The gold miners you refer to are imported working girls from other asian countries. |
| Nov 24, 2008 18:30 | #99 |
| GUESTROD | One very important thing you left out. It's our (Mens) money. Women want to be rich off our money. That is the difference in the genders right there. Need I say more. So if the man is going to financing this whole deal. Then he will have to get a return on his investment. Like before in the not so distant past when marriages were more traditional. Now the only return on his investment is sex! So, why should he get married. Sex is freely available everywhere. The only reason for a man to marry now would be to have children. And with an American or western girl that is much to risk. Like I said, where is the payoffs on the investment. They can't or won't cook. They have feminist idealologies. Wether they know it or not. Look! If the woman and man both work then there has to be some compromise. But if he is footing the whole bill then the rules go back to 1953. But if your woman is working then she probably already is a feminist in waiting and why would you want to have children with her. The only way for women to start finding decent men to marry is to admit this 2nd wave feminist movement was a lie and promise to be de-programmed so as to get un-brainwashed from all the propoganda they bought into. |
| Nov 24, 2008 18:53 | #100 |
| GUESTROD | Guest 13178---- I sound like to me that what you are saying you want is a Western man. I mean if you want a 2nd or 3rd generation Chinese guy , for all practical purposes he's Western. You seem confused like most western women. they don't know what they want. |
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