| Why do overseas Chinese men seldom marry western women? | |
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| Apr 16, 2008 01:08 | #21   |
 | Just speaking for myself. I dated a Chinese guy who immigrated to Canada about two years. He was quite Chinese-chauvinist and often talked about Chinese "power" and complained a lot about racism in Canada etc. I found his views bigoted and could not relate to his attitude. There are men like him in Western countries. I think that it's not that Western women are not attracted to Chinese men, it's perhaps their minds they are not attracted to. (i.e. the conservative and insecure way of thinking). For instance Canadians emphasize equality between people of different ethnic backgrounds, whereas in Asian culture, Asian people see social relations as the relationship between the strong and the weak (you are either dominant or submissive, not equal)... It's that difference in how they see the world that makes it sometimes hard to date someone from a different background... Women want to marry someone who is very confident with who they are, and wise, and I think sometimes male immigrants are not all that comfortable with their social position in a new country. When they do become integrated and comfortable, then I think the local women (i.e. Westerners) find them so much more attractive. |
| Apr 16, 2008 22:05 | #22 |
| Quote >>It's that difference in how they see the world that makes it sometimes hard to date someone from a different background<< Chynagyrl, I appreaciate your viewpoints. As stated in the original thread, the first generation of immigrants lived in a relatively isolated community ( Chinatown) . They had few interactions with the native people ( Native Americans or Canadians). In consequence, it is hard for the first generation of immigrants to be integrated into the mainstream white community. Cerntainly, it is somewhat understandable that the first generation of Chinese immigrants lack the initiative to join in the mainstream society, since the first generation of Chinese immigrants are largely influnced by the traditional Chinese culture. Most of them are reticent, a little humble and passive.( my personal opinion). The second generation of Chinese are doing a better job since they grew up in such an exotic culture. Chynagyl, I think you can feel it. As far as I know, your famiy is typical of " Two Generations of Chinese immigrants in Canada". You possibly got quite well along Canadians and Canadian native culture, but for your parents, when they initially moved to Canadian, they might have a tough time. When a man was immersed in a totally strange environment, it takes quite a while to be absorbed into the mainstream society. "I think sometimes male immigrants are not all that comfortable with their social position in a new country." I am in favor of this point. That's why they keep a low-profile. Thanks for sharing your personal experience! |
| Apr 16, 2008 22:10 | #23 |
| most chinese male immigrant are skilled doers not skilled talkers. in a society with relatively equality and less focusing on relationship, doers should be rewarded someday. I have no good understanding of what western women are like because I am in an immigrant nation. Canada is ethnic segregated immigrant nation with slavonic white women, the women with anglo-saxon origin and other western euro, women from latin, women from hinduchine,etc. I believe marriage is in self-sufficiency. |
| Apr 18, 2008 04:19 | #24 |
| GUESTOCCIDENTAL | "(My opinion only) Do Chinese men view Western women as "gold diggers" (opportunist) whereas Western men view Chinese women as reserved and more conservative in their lifestyle? " As I see, western women are generally quite headstrong, independent thinkers, and not submissive at all. Maybe, that is why foreign guys and Chinese guys don't like western women. Why don' t you think that Chinese women marry your foreign guys just for money and visa opportunities? They may be more like 'gold diggers" than their western counterparts. |
| Apr 18, 2008 18:33 | #25 |
| 'Cause, if I can't say something nice about Chinese women then I shouldn't say anything at all. Seriously, I don't feel qualified to make + or - comments about Chinese women. So, you might ask , why do I qualify to make comments about Western women? (I dun'no) |
| Apr 18, 2008 22:19 | #26 |
| ((As I see, western women are generally quite headstrong, independent thinkers, and not submissive at all. Maybe, that is why foreign guys and Chinese guys don't like western women. Why don' t you think that Chinese women marry your foreign guys just for money and visa opportunities? They may be more like 'gold diggers" than their western counterparts. )) generally speaking, men don't like strong-minded women. it could be true that chinese women who marry westerners are submissive, economic dependent or utilitarian. i am saying that because i do know chinese parents hold diffrent education to their daughters- one is independance, the other is to learn to attract men to get economic support. i believe western women no doubt can be categorized into these two types. |
| Apr 20, 2008 01:24 | #27 |
| LEONARDO, thank you. I think I stretched the topic because I seem to be actively exploring these ideas in real life, lately. Speaking of real life, my social character has been crunched through the mill of western female character development. I am a survivor of a brutal divorce. Brutal financially as well as emotionally. If a woman's motivation ( no matter what her cultural background ) for involving herself with a man is strictly for financial or legal gain, then eventually ( sooner rather than later ) the partnership will fall apart emotionally. I believe that there is nothing wrong with the idea that the more financially able party in a relationship ( usually, in about 9 out of 10 cases, it is the male ) take an active role in fostering his partner's financial and social condition. The term "gold-digger" only starts to apply when the emotional bonds begin to stress and break. The difference between western female gold-diggers and Chinese female gold-diggers is that western women have a number of social and political aspects that are just plain biased and frankly, sick, in my opinion. It seems an overwhelmingly large number of western women have developed a cynical mindset regarding all males. I like to be able to have an intelligent conversation with a woman. I like intelligent minds. I don't, however, like "ball-busting" cynicism, jadedness, and negativity. Especially if the woman combines that ball-busting cynicism with large predatory eyes focused exclusively on my wallet. Independence, steadfastness, and intelligence are positive attributes. In contrast; jadedness, ignorance, and a social style of cynicism and sarcasm are very clearly negative. In nearly every communication that I have had with Chinese women, I have noticed that they have not been cynical, they have not been sarcastic, they do not seem world-weary and jaded, and they are not ignorant. In fact, I have noticed that Chinese women seem to be genuine, sincere, optimistic, and open-minded. This is attractive to me, and it is in stark contrast with what I see coming from nearly every western woman. |
| Apr 20, 2008 11:20 | #28 |
| Leon8me could be biased on giving comments on western women. Although I am in Mosaic Canada where ethnic groups are less integrated than those are in US, I chance upon western white women. From my observations during work and study, I met the white gals with brain emptiness and sarcastic attitudes to opposite sex and society; On the other hand, there are intelligent, aggressive and diligent white gals. Ms. Klein, is the positive example of white woman I met. This lady has full time job at daytime, two little children need to be take care of at home and night course for career development. There are bunches of white gals out there like Ms. Klein, Leon8me. However, there is opposite example of white gal whose attitudes are cynical, the reason of that is they have nothing to think except FUN. They are afraid of real challenge and like to limited what they know to bargain and kill the working time (the same situations are with some overseas Chinese women and men-I have to be fair and objective on comment). |
| Apr 22, 2008 11:06 | #29 |
| Thank you MARRIE . Yes, I admit to a certain amount of bias. I think perhaps my bias is due to my negative experiences during my ( only ) marriage, and subsequent divorce. However, I persist in my perception that Western ( and especially American ) recent popular culture has really descended into shallow materialism, banality, and venality. |
| Apr 22, 2008 13:25 | #30 |
| Open Question : I am wondering about a feeling ( perception, bias ) that I have started to define, in myself. Has anyone else felt something like this ... ? I think it is a kind of wearyness with the familiar. It has been said that familiarity breeds contempt. I feel that I have become contemptuous of recent popular culture in America. So much of "pop" culture completely overlooks traditional values of reverence for Mother Nature, honor for the family, and sincerity. I think because I have become such a cynic about the character of many people immersed in Western pop culture, I have started to develop a yearning to experience ideas, paradigms, and cultures that are very different than my own... a yearning for difference. A yearning for engagement with different people, far-away geography, fundamentally different cultures, different racial esthetics, "old-fashioned" traditional ethics. I think I really want to engage with a people that have not been brainwashed by Big Money Corporations, Hollywood, Big Money Lawyers, Dirty Rich Old Men, Panderers of Vanity, and the bottomless swamp of Judaeo-Christian-Muslim conflict. Is this understandable ? There ARE isolated, minority cultures in the Americas that have held on to traditional values. These cultures have not received much notice in the popular media. I am talking about Native American Nations, First American Aboriginal Peoples. I have lived my entire life very close to an "Indian Reservation" in upstate New York. I seem to always have been favorably biased toward Native American culture and values. Do people in China perceive the fundamental difference between "pop" culture Americans and Native Americans ? |
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