For you westerners married to a Chinese for a long time

For you westerners married to a Chinese for a long time
Apr 6, 2009 17:09
AMPILOT Points: Join Date: Feb 7, 2009 Status: offline	After meeting a few westerners married to asians from other countries, I was wondering if any of you gentlemen that have been married to a Chinese for a long time could say a few words about your experiences? (I think long time is more than 7 years, but, a month in hell is a long time and 20 years in paradise nothing, so I will leave it subjective and your own interpretation) Not expecting anyone to answer all these questions, but things I am interested to hear is if you had to do it all over again, would you? Did you move to China or do you bring her home to your country? If you moved there, how is it working? Was she within a few years of your age or substantially younger/older? If you brought her home, how difficult was the adjustment for both of you? Do you find that sweet demure lady you knew in China became a die hard, demanding keep up with the Wongs materialist? Did she insist on having complete control over your daily life, finances, etc? Was there alot of pressure to begin providing financial support to family members in China or to start helping them emigrate? Or perhaps there was pressure to move back to China? Or did the dream become a reality, did you find life's partner, alot of joy and discovery in each other that keeps on going through the years? I am not saying I am looking for a Chinese spouse, but I have been around the block long enough to know the people one should talk to are the people who have been married a "long time". Your comments and candor are appreciated.

Apr 6, 2009 17:09

AMPILOT
Points:
Join Date: Feb 7, 2009
Status: offline

After meeting a few westerners married to asians from other countries, I was wondering if any of you gentlemen that have been married to a Chinese for a long time could say a few words about your experiences? (I think long time is more than 7 years, but, a month in hell is a long time and 20 years in paradise nothing, so I will leave it subjective and your own interpretation)

Not expecting anyone to answer all these questions, but things I am interested to hear is if you had to do it all over again, would you? Did you move to China or do you bring her home to your country? If you moved there, how is it working? Was she within a few years of your age or substantially younger/older? If you brought her home, how difficult was the adjustment for both of you? Do you find that sweet demure lady you knew in China became a die hard, demanding keep up with the Wongs materialist? Did she insist on having complete control over your daily life, finances, etc? Was there alot of pressure to begin providing financial support to family members in China or to start helping them emigrate? Or perhaps there was pressure to move back to China?

Or did the dream become a reality, did you find life's partner, alot of joy and discovery in each other that keeps on going through the years?

I am not saying I am looking for a Chinese spouse, but I have been around the block long enough to know the people one should talk to are the people who have been married a "long time". Your comments and candor are appreciated.

Apr 10, 2009 22:22

CHARITY
Points:
Join Date: Jan 21, 2009
Status: Offline

Aren't you the same guy who had problem with a chinese lady?? Don't tellme that you are going to divorce your wife for this Chinese lady, --------for all questions you mentioned above, I can tell u it does exisit lots between international marriage, especially between chinese and west country, different cutural , different views. But there are also some happy couples who had married more than 20 years ,and the y are still happy. I think it depends on couples, for different cuturals, they got to learn respect each other ,not only blame on them,and tell them it's my way, it's how we deal with it,---anyway, Personally, i think it takes lots of engergy for international marriage work out....

Nov 12, 2014 00:09

GUEST12124

-Living with my wife 2008 till now 2014 just over 6 years married 3 years
-She moved form China to NZ and is a Guilin girl
-17 years difference i'm 46 she's 29 now
-We now have a 13 month old daughter ,I have a 13 year old daughter from a previous marriage who lives with us along with my widower father 70.
-Parents are ok they lived with us for 6 months from just before/after baby was born
-i speak hardly any Chinese and they speak hardly any english
-She has permanent residence in NZ but does not want a NZ passport because we will probably move to China when I retire and would be a problem.
-Relatives are ok as well and we have the range from retired farmer to established upper middle class .
-Wife would move back to China tomorrow if I was prepared to go but would not want our daughter educated there at high school level as they push the kids to hard
-Relationship has obviously changed over the years as she was just 22 when we met and I was almost 40 and you don't tend to change much when you get to that age .We argue sometimes but what married couple doesn't and I would say that the relationship has matured but is pretty much the same as before ie I'm happy with US . We fit each other pretty well which I think is probably the key thing with us .
-Her parents are moving to NZ and we have sponsored them for residence because we need help with the daycare(my dad is 70 and not in good health-smoker so cannot help full time with this),saves us 1250 a month a third of my salary. Plus they get to spend a lot of time with only child and only grandchild so win win . They have a pretty good life in China not wealthy but middle of the road .
-I am middle income for my country not wealthy
-She was an EA in China with an economics degree but worked in a supermarket here and did volunteer work for 2 years total before getting a job in a bank and works 35 hrs a week
So basically luck of the draw as I am just your average guy anyway, have tried to build a picture for you of my situation . Cultural differences of course but nothing really important or conflicting but I suppose that depends on your viewpoint .

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