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Help....American man just engaged to Chinese woman here in USA on work visa
Dec 20, 2010 17:20
  • WMILLETTE
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Help....im engaged to be married to a chinese lady from peking south china. She is 36 married in china to chinese male she has 2 children 17 and 10, and she addopted her brothers 10 yr old child, she filed for divorce with a larwyer the other day and when done were to get married in about 6 months,,,,,i am 38 male white american with average income small appartment and nice belongings and car and motorcycle,,,extreemly eduicated and very spiritual....my fieancee works in a massage parlor with all chinese women and her customers are all wealthy males which worries me.....we havent been togeather long, she tells me her husband has money and big home in china, she wont tell me why she left him and im worried she will marry me then after greencard divorce me and bring her x to usa and remarry him....i hear thats common....she does show me affection holding hands touching my face, kissing and even making out with tounge in public, she is like owned by her american boss..she works 12hr days 7 days week and then goes home with boss to sleep. We barely get to see eachother cus boss say i cant hang around work because i scare customer away since i a male and customers only want to see females there,i tried to get her to move in for christmas since we are engaged and she wont because boss made her promise she sleep at boss house till boss get back frome china vacation, so i am sad about that , i got her to promise day after boss come home she move in with me so we can spend more time togeather before and after her work,yesterday i brought her home and laid in bed with her and we got hot and heavy but no sex she did however touch me on my privates.....then a phone called and i had to rush her back to work as always because 1 customer come in she hasto run work is far more important than spending time with me..

Please i need to know how to judge the relationship i dont know if she is serious or just playing me..i have alot more info just ask me and i will reply fast so you can give me any advice ...good or bad i appreciate it....


She does say, honey dont worry i love you forever, and i miss you, and i want to marry you..


She has told her friends her family mom dad about me and marrying me or so she says...boss and coworkers and her sister deffinitly know...

Also her older sister lives very close to me and has her greencard already if thats rellavent.her sister works and sleeps at same boss home and job.

How can i judge if im being taken for?
She wants me to buy her a car and bigger home and more gifts like clothes and stuff.
Also she does not expect to pitch in for any bills or food or anything she expects to keep and save all her money and i cant afford to support her like that....


I have my own place and all the bills i can afford now and taking her to lunch every day and gas back and forth to see her has taken me broke already..next month im supposed to buy airfair and hotel and rental car to los angelos so she can show to court


Dec 20, 2010 18:03
#1  
  • WMILLETTE
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I am told she is traditional Chinese...

I mentioned her marry me for green card then divorce me for her x husband...she says absolutely not.

She don’t say anything bad about her x except that he argues and yells at her.....they fight all the time....

She was married to him for 13 years.....she been in USA for past 3 years

She tells me I am the second person she dated....only me and her husband

She says her parents arranged her to marry her husband no love...she knew him a little bit before she says..

Does anyone know if i can expect her to pitch in for bills and things when were married? Or does she keep everything she makes...

How can I know if i can trust what she says...aren’t Chinese very deceiving people,, very secretive?

How can i know if she is marrying me with good intent?
I asked her she says she is and plans on being together forever.

She said to me the other day....without me saying anything she just came up to me and said ok if we live together sex maybe 2 maybe 3 times a week no everyday i too tired after work...
Is this normal for her to say before we live together?

When i say im low on money she gets upset......i think that’s normal right?
Dec 21, 2010 03:04
#2  
I am confused now. You said she slept with her boss. Is her boss a man or a woman?

"She wants me to buy her a car and bigger home and more gifts like clothes and stuff.
Also she does not expect to pitch in for any bills or food or anything she expects to keep and save all her money and i cant afford to support her like that...."

Why does she keep all her money? Did you ask her this question? I do not know how much you know about her and her family. Did her parents say "Yes" when you two were engaged?
Dec 21, 2010 03:16
#3  
  • GAFFER
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I am even more confused. Is her husband and family in the US with her? How is she staying/working in the US? What kind of visa does she hold? I think you have enough doubts to know the answer to your question.
Dec 21, 2010 10:44
#4  
GUEST41582 Sorry for confusion,

She lives with her female boss and 6 other female co workers

Any time I even start to mention money she gets angry and mad.....she say I'm supposed to do all

Her husband and children are in Beijing china not USA only her older sister lives here and has her green card.

She told me her parents say it's ok to marry me... Her coworkers and sister also said they want to see us get married..

She holds a nonimmigrant work visa only



Today I got to see her for an hour and take her to breakfast then to get groceries then had to rush her back to work then she said i have to go home cus customers and I won't see or hear from her till midnight then she will call and chat for 30-45 minutes...

I really miss her and want to spend time with her, also she has long periods at work with no customers and she don't text or even try to call me even though I asked her....


She also never gives me anything no gifts and no love letters and no text messages to say she loves me just the call at 12 at night...is this normal for traditional girl?

She say she no loves her husband in china and her parents made her marry, should I believe her? She never talks bad about him and won't tell me what really went on in her relationship..

When ever we talk I always have to be the one to keep conversation going she don't just talk.....is this normal?

Today she seemed affectionate for her anyway, but quiet, and she definitely cares about making money as very high priority, her boss is opening another store closer to me but she said today she no want to work there cus maybe not busy........she only gets paid per customer and not per hour....

Why does it have to be so hard to know if she really wants and cares about me like she says to me,

If she American I would say she likes me because I do zoo much for her but that's all...


But being traditional Chinese I'm trying to figure out if her actions and sayings are in my favor or if she's just using me?


I study every video and website and forum I can to try to find answers but the really important ones are not there?

Dec 21, 2010 11:07
#5  
  • WMILLETTE
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She lives with her female boss and 6 female coworkers....

Her husband and children live in Beijing .....

Her older sister lives in Florida USA and has green card and in process of moving her husband and children to USA...

My fieancee holds a nonimmigrant work visa.......

Anytime I talk about money she gets mad and upset and angry......

She tells me her parents and her sister all say it's ok to marry me......and all her coworkers and boss say they want to see us gat married, but is it for green card only?

Yesterday I no see my woman,,,, today I got to see her for only 1 hr. I took her to breakfast then to get some groceries then she said I had to go home cus customer come.... I wont hear from her until 12am tonight......is this normal?


The only time she takes off work is when no customers come like major holidays ,,,,,,thanks giving Xmas and new years otherwise I don't spend time. Makes ke very sad.

Her boss is opening a shop closer to me but my fieancee says she no want to work there because maybe slow no customer.......she is only paid per customer and not by hr.....






Please help me....if she was American I would say she likes me because I take her to eat and do nice things for her....

But maybe for traditional Chinese girl this is normal and how they are?




Someone tell me.......
Chinese girl in USA courting an American guy.....


Should I expect many texts, many calls, love letters, how affectionate should I see, what else should she be giving me ,

And after were married....can I ask her to take 2 days off work each week so we can be together or is that wrong?

Can I ask her to help with bills and things we need to survive? Or am I supposed to burden all financial wowes.....

It seems she thinks super high of herself....like she's worth a million dollars or something.....I do so much for her and it's expected....why?

Dec 22, 2010 01:12
#6  
  • JIMMYB
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Your fiancée is weird (forgive me saying it). She just told you her parents said it was ok for her to get married with you. BUT you haven’t seen her parents, right? If she is a traditional girl, she should bring you to see her parents.

On the other hand, she seems cold and careless. She never sent you emails, text messages or love letters. Strange! Maybe I think too much. Or maybe she is just too traditional, shy and reserved to express her true feelings…..

You may ask her to bring you back home to see her parents. I am eager to now how she answers you.
Dec 22, 2010 01:20
#7  
GUEST41582 Thanks

Yes she acts weird....she is here in USA with me parents in china we can't afford to go see them just yet but we are planning after she gets green card to visit them and her family....that is talked about allot....


She is very quiet I must keep conversation going all the time.....I have to keep asking her questions she won't just come out and say anything.....here is how our talk went tonight mabye it will help

Tonight we talked for 1.5 hr..
I told her I was sorry I was rushing her into getting to know me she said it's ok I love only you not money..
She told me she finished school, no university, no computers, just math biology and history, she said her little sister is a teacher, she said friend came to USA and told older sister very good so sister came then sister told Michelle to come and Michelle told her husband I want to go to USA he said no don't want you to go to USA, but Michelle came anyway, she said she misses china but no go back forever just to visit....she said she does still love her husband a little bit....she wants me to teach her computers, and wants me to work again, also she really wants new sheets and pillows for our bed.......it's really on her mind..I told her I was lonely and she said don't worry when boss come back she is moving in with me but I must take her and pick her up from work everyday....I agreed.
She said her parents never visited USA, also she said she never massaged before she just started to do it at her store a few months ago....we talked about tomorrow being our one month anniversary and how our six month and one year and every year after would be special......also I told her how lucky she was to find me and how special and educated I am and can fix allot and do zoo much,and how I am so loyal,honest,trustworthy, and loving and affectionate and how other women will be jellious of her having such a wonderful husband. Then I told her how proud of her I was and how well she learns, and that I think she is really smart....then she said she was tired so we said our goodbyes till tomorrow
I see her at 9am


So what do you think?
Dec 22, 2010 10:10
#8  
  • GAFFER
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Still a little confused.
Can she divorce her Chinese husband in the USA?
Can she work legally in the USA without a green card (I'm not au fait with US visas)?
What kind of treatments are offered at her place of work?
In my experience Chinese women are very romantic and loving (in private, and their man is the most important thing in their life). Maybe I am lucky with mine. Money is important to them but generally they are generous with their family.
If you marry her and never see her, what is the point in marrying, and how long will it last?
Dec 22, 2010 23:03
#9  
GUEST24819 "She said to me the other day....without me saying anything she just came up to me and said ok if we live together sex maybe 2 maybe 3 times a week no everyday i too tired after work...
Is this normal for her to say before we live together?"

You really believe she only dated you and her husband?
Dec 26, 2010 03:38
#10  
"If you marry her and never see her, what is the point in marrying, and how long will it last?"

Well said, Gaffer. I think you should think about it carefully. Have you known much about her?

I have heard that Chinese men have "personal savings" that their wives do not know. But I haven't heard that married women do not spend a penny for their families. For most traditional Chinese women, family is the most important to them. They do whatever to take care of their families.

She seems to focus on making money. I am not going to say that she is selfish. Maybe, she does this for a reason.
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