| The ranchers wife. | |
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| Sep 12, 2011 02:34 |   |
 | A successful rancher died and left everything to his devoted wife. She was a very good-looking woman and determined to keep the ranch, but knew very little about ranching, so she decided to place an ad in the newspaper for a ranch hand. Two cowboys applied for the job. One was gay and the other a drunk. She thought long and hard about it, and when no one else applied she decided to hire the gay guy, figuring it would be safer to have him around the house than the drunk. He proved to be a hard worker who put in long hours every day and knew a lot about ranching. For weeks, the two of them worked, and the ranch was doing very well. Then one day, the rancher's widow said to the hired hand, "You have done a really good job, and the ranch looks great. You should go into town and kick up your heels." The hired hand readily agreed and went into town one Saturday night. One o'clock came, however, and he didn't return. Two o'clock and no hired hand. Finally he returned a round two-thirty, and upon entering the room, he found the rancher's widow sitting by the fireplace with a glass of wine, waiting for him. She quietly called him over to her.. "Unbutton my blouse and take it off," she said. Trembling, he did as she directed. "Now take off my boots." He did as she asked, ever so slowly... "Now take off my socks." He removed each gently and placed them neatly by her boots. "Now take off my skirt." He slowly unbuttoned it, constantly watching her eyes in the fire light. "Now take off my bra.." Again, with trembling hands, he did as he was told and dropped it to the floor. Then she looked at him and said, "If you ever wear my clothes into town again, you're fired. |
| Sep 15, 2011 03:14 | #1 |
| Bobert, I read it twice and finally knew what it was about. The gay wore her clothes. |
| Sep 16, 2011 21:59 | #2 |
| Well done RAINDROP! |
Last edited by BOBERT: Sep 16, 2011 21:59 |
| Sep 17, 2011 04:21 | #3 |
| Quote:Originally Posted by BOBERT Well done RAINDROP!So will you give us more jokes? |
| Sep 17, 2011 14:22 | #4 |
| A real nice one, Bob! My kids are still wondering what got into their dad... Reminds me of another joke: A beautiful woman came home from a party. She went to her bedroom and opened the French doors because it was a very warm night. Accidentally a drifter walked by and saw the most beautiful lady sitting on her bed. He decided to go closer to have a peek. And what he saw... The lady took off her wig. Then she took off her eyelashes and false teeth. Then she took off her shirt. The drifter leaned to see closer. What... she has no bra, he thought. But hey, her other breast went off with the shirt. Then the lady took off her skirt. The skirt included pads that made her beautiful hips. Then she removed her left leg. The drifter leaned too much and lost his balance. The lady saw him and said: What a hell do you want? The drifter answered: I think you know... you can throw it here... Carlos |
| Sep 19, 2011 21:28 | #5 |
| A Muslim was sitting next to Paddy on a plane. Paddy ordered a whiskey. The stewardess asked the Muslim if he'd like a drink. He replied in disgust "I'd rather be raped by a dozen whores than let liquor touch my lips!" Paddy handed his drink back and said "Me too, I didn't know we had a choice!" ------------ --------- --------oOo- --------- --------- ------- Paddy calls Easyjet to book a flight. The operator asks "How many people are flying with you ?" Paddy replies "I don't know! Its your plane!" ------------ --------- --------oOo- --------- --------- ------- Paddy and Murphy are working on a building site. Paddy says to Murphy "I'm gonna have the day off, I'm gonna pretend I'm mad!" He climbs up the rafters , hangs upside down and shouts "I'M A LIGHTBULB! I'M A LIGHTBULB!" Murphy watches in amazement! The Foreman shouts "Paddy you're mad, go home" So he leaves the site. Murphy starts packing his kit up to leave as well. "Where the hell are you going?" asks the Foreman. "I can't work in the dark!" says Murphy. ------------ --------- --------oOo- --------- --------- ------- Two Irish couples decided to swap partners for the night. After 3 hours of amazing sex, Paddy says "I wonder how the girls are getting on" ------------ --------- --------oOo- --------- --------- ------- Paddy takes his new wife to bed on their wedding night. She undresses, lies on the bed spreadeagled and says "You know what I want don't you ?" "Yeah," says Paddy. "The whole bed by the looks of it!" ------------ --------- --------oOo- --------- --------- -------- Paddy, the electrician, got sacked from the U.S. prison service for not servicing the electric chair. He said in his professional opinion it was a death trap! ------------ --------- --------oOo- --------- --------- ------- Paddy and his wife are lying in bed and the neighbours' dog is barking like mad in the garden. Paddy says "To hell with this!" and storms off. He comes back upstairs 5 minutes later and his wife asks "What did you do ?" Paddy replies "I've put the dog in our garden. Let's see how they like it!" ------------ --------- --------oOo- --------- --------- ------- Mick and Paddy are reading head stones at a nearby cemetery.. Mick say "Crikey! There's a bloke here who was 152!" Paddy says "What's his name ?" Mick replies "Miles, from London!" |
| Sep 20, 2011 22:11 | #6 |
| Thank you, Carlos and Bobert. The last two jokes are not as good as the first one posted by Bobert, honestly. |
| Sep 24, 2011 03:52 | #7 |
| Carlos, your joke sounds horrible. I just thought "She" was a man. |
| Oct 12, 2011 02:17 | #8 |
| I was going through a few magazines the other day down at the local Mosque. I was really enjoying myself. Then the bloody rifle jammed. |
| Oct 12, 2011 03:03 | #9 |
| Quote:Originally Posted by BOBERT I was going through a few magazines the other day down at the local Mosque.I was really enjoying myself. Then the bloody rifle jammed. This one isn't funny. |
| Oct 12, 2011 07:14 | #10 |
| GUEST56126 | A little old lady had a pet talking parrot. One day she was waiting for the plumber to come at 10 am, but it was already 10:15 am and no plumber. She said to the parrot: the plumber is no here and I have to go to the store. So if he comes while I'm gone, let him in please. The parrot said OK. 5 minutes later there was a knock on the door. Parrot: who's that?. Man: it's the plumber. Parrot: who's that? Man: i t ' s t h e p l u m b e r ! parrot: who's that? man: IT'S THE PLUMBER !!! - and with that scream he fell down and died. 5 minutes later the lady came back from the store, she saw a dead man by the door, opened the door and asked the parrot: who's that? Parrot: it's the plumber... |
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