| Once you marry a Chinese woman, it is tantamount to marrying her entire family. | |
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| Jan 27, 2018 07:34 | #191   |
| GUEST07167 | i italo is the sa me. The woman over 30-40 separate or divorzied ha ve problem to build up a new family. They want to check what you do in your life, control your money, after a child no sex, think to his owns family, try to guest only her relatives. If you dont di how she wants you are in trouble seriously. Now i chat with a chinese woman of 41 years (I have 50) since Settember ....in March we meet for the first time. I hope that the meeting will ne good. |
| Feb 2, 2018 05:48 | #192 |
| GUESTGEORGE P. | Hi, My name is George, I have met a few Chinese ladys. I guess I never new them well enough to determine what the real story is. About the need for the.female to be the boss. As for getting to know the entire.family, that has come close to being my luck. Anyways, these people are very special to me. I have only recently met another Chinese lady. We seem to get along. She works for the owners of a Chinese restaurant, and.everyone is exspected to work till they have nothing left of energy. Why do the rich in that culture use thier poor with no regard for the wellbeing of the fellow persons? I may never know the answer. Every culture is different. Anyways, I wish them who are poor as well as the rich , good life and.happyness. |
| Feb 4, 2018 18:53 | #193 |
| GUEST08126 | Chinese girls I find only look for a guy with money. It's pure and simple it's a status thing for them. |
| Mar 5, 2018 09:13 | #194 |
| GUESTWALLY | I ask Chinese girl about dating. She says, No dating. She is only here (America) to work (all the time) and find husband. When I ask how she will find husband without dating, it didn't even register. I believe she found some attraction with me and stated she would marry me the next day. Tho she was smiling with what I thought was a jokingly smile, I think she was very serious. She is late 30's early 40's. She wants husband before dating. No courtship, no love. Just Husband. And by the way, absolutely NO sex until she is married. (she's not a virgin) |
| Apr 18, 2018 17:40 | #195 |
| GUEST31240 | I am married to a Chinese woman 3 years. She speaks almost no English, I speak almost no Chinese. We have translation apps. Our discussions take longer and must be direct to the point. She frequently tells me what she expects from me and I tell her what I expect. We often disagree because of the culture differences. What we do not do is get mad. She often says ,this is what a Chinese man would do, or this is what Chinese families do. I say, I am not Chinese and this is a mixed marriage. WE tell each other to expect what ever we want,We get what we get. That said, I do as much as possible to make her happy. WE have no children so this is much easier. I do not allow her family to live with us and my family also can not live with us. When she gets angry I let her say what ever she wants, low volume. Most of the time we wind up laughing cause my arguments make no sense to her and hers make no sense to me. The red envelops, when do we get ours, seems its all one way. On the other hand her family has been informative and understanding of my strange western ways. And accepted me wholeheartedly into the family. Hmmm.... did I mention we live 12,000 miles from her family. She has been visiting them for 5 months. I was worried she might not want to come back. It is now month 4 and she never misses a chance to tell me how looking forward she is to coming home to me. Her daughter has 2 children and she has 2 elderly parents. She has been taking care of them the whole time. I am not quite sure what they have her doing, cooking, shopping, cleaning, Every time we skipe she is doing one of those things. I am very happy with my Chinese wife and she tells me she is happy with me. I remain a western man, she remains a Chinese woman and somehow it works. Lots of love, understanding, and honest discussion, and boy do we laugh a lot, I think Chinese are funny(odd), and they think I am funny(odd). |
| Apr 30, 2018 17:41 | #196 |
| GUESTSCOTT | Hi, It has been very interesting to read a lot of these stories. I live in NY and was born here. I have been dating a chinese woman from Shanghai for about 1.5 years and for a long time she keeps bringing up marriage (she needs a green card so she, actually it would be both of us to visit her elderly 89 year old mother.) She is very good to me. She cooks, cleans, does laundry, and works 6 days a week. So she is only home for 24 hours a week and then back to the job where she lives. In talking to a friend of mine who I introduced to my girlfriend as she speaks mandarin also. The friend told me she is just using me for the green card and could be attempting at the same time, find someone else that would marry her. She called my friend after I introduced her to my family as we were still not getting married. My friend is warning me off that women from Shanghai will lie and cheat to get what they want. Anyway, I did my best today to say that I won't get married and perhaps it is for the best if we breakup. There was a lot of back and forth and she finally agreed to stay with me if we marry in a year. My friend said she is just using me. She probably has no other place to move her stuff to. She also felt she will most likely pursue othet men to pursue marriage sooner than the year with me. I want to believe she is genuine about loving me. I have told her that I like her a lot, though I don't love her. We do seem to care for each other and do nice things for the other. I know that was a lot to read. I was hoping to get insight from others on what is probably going on. Does she really love me or only lying to get her hands on a green card? I know that you can't know for sure, though I am interested to read what others think. |
| Apr 30, 2018 21:41 | #197 |
| GUESTSCOTT | Part 1 --------------- I wrote the whole post and for some reason the post never appeared on here. Anyway, here we go a second time. I am a 47 year old male born in the US and still living here. For the past 1.5 years I have been dating a woman about 6 years older from Shanghai (needs a green card.) For a long time the subject of marriage comes up and I tell her I need more time. We has been staying over between 5-7 days a week for most of the past 13 months even I asked her to stay over less. Discussing that just brings on the tear works. Last weekend I told her that I need another year before being ready for marriage although if even that will be enough. Anyway, she was very upset and cried the whole day. Before left for her job as a nanny where she lives there 6 nights a week, she said she would respect my wishes. When checking in with her about her coming home this past weekend, she told me that instead she will stay at something like a Chinese hotel which is where she previously lived. She told me she will wait the year there for me and we can make plans to meet if either wanted. That was upsetting to me. Processed this for days and came to ultimate fact that being with her is like sleeping and having sex with my maid. She does the cooking, cleaning, and the laundry. She is very good to me and I like to think I am to her too. Anyway, sometime back I introduced her to a Malaysian woman I am friends with who she can speak mandarin hoping they would become friends. My friends english is good and girlfriends is not. Sometimes we can have a conversation without going to google translator (my phone) and not sure what she uses on her iPhone. So when I mentioned yesterday to my friend that my girlfriend left me, she was surprised. When I explained what happened, she told me she would be back and would push hard again for marriage which she did today. Since I was telling my friend that my girlfriend left, my friend began telling me some things that my girlfriend had told her. Somethings were that she was upset that I introduced her to my family and still wasn't marrying her. She also may have told her something that she may talk to other men to find someone0 that will marry her. On FB, my girlfriend's profile was recommended to me and so I sent a friend request to which she never accepted. My friend is connected to her FB profile and says she is connected to many men who she is under the impression she is checking them out for possibilities while still with me. My friend warned me that she is basically using me to get a green card. I like to think that we are both good to each other. The difference is my girlfriend says she loves me and I only like her. Because she does so much for me it feels good and I am comfortable. So last night trying to process all this new information, I began reading this and other blogs which I can only say has been very enlightening. |
| Apr 30, 2018 21:45 | #198 |
| GUESTSCOTT | Part 2 --------------- My friend warned me that she is basically using me to get a green card. I like to think that we are both good to each other. The difference is my girlfriend says she loves me and I only like her. Because she does so much for me it feels good and I am comfortable. So last night trying to process all this new information, I began reading this and other blogs which I can only say has been very enlightening. So today, when my girlfriend sent me a message I was all ready to say I don't want to be married which is the truth and that perhaps it is best we breakup. She goes on about how we care and are good for each other. How her mother is elderly at 89 years old, while having 3 sisters, a brother, and son in Shanghai. How she wants to bring me to Shanghai to meet her family and she will show me around her city. This is of course after she has her green card. I do my best to stand firm which was difficult as this is all confusing to me. Here is a person who I thought loved me and I have only become aware that this may be a scam just to get a green card. She continues to lay it on and pull on my heartstrings which makes this all very difficult. The whole time my friend is encouraging me to be strong and that I am doing the right thing and my girlfriend is only using me. I want to believe there was something real with my girlfriend though now I have no idea. What if she has been dating when she is supposed to be working? I have no way to confirm that. I have never seen a picture of her family, so for all I know the information that she has told me is all false. Since she is older, we can unprotected sex as she won't get pregnant. What if she is also sleeping with other men? When I told my friend that my girlfriend is from Shanghai, my friend tells me that she told my friend a other city. She then specifically that Shanghai women can be very manipulative and will lie and cheat to get what they want. We ended up with my girlfriend saying she is willing to wait another year. My friend warns me that she probably doesn't have anywhere else to go and will stay at something my place and continue to use me until she figure something else out and then leave me. From my opinion that sounds fine with me if for the moment I get back the same caring relationship we had before even if it may be for a short time. My eyes have been opened even if I still want to believe she really cares for me. I don't know for sure if I will really be able to marry her in another year, let alone we will still be together by then anyway. After reading some of the horror stories outnumber the good stories on here, I am concerned what married life would be with her. Will she file the green card papers and leave me. Try to manipulate me to bring her family over from China? Not happening. Become an evil tortuous woman? Try and get what little savings I have? I am concerned about all of that now. |
| Apr 30, 2018 21:48 | #199 |
| GUESTSCOTT | Part 3 --------------- So she will come back this weekend and I want to set some ground rules. I already told her that if we continue, we will set a marriage date for next year and she will not bring up marriage again. I will warn her that I am very serious that if she does bring it up that I will seriously consider breaking up with her permanently. I don't want the guilt trip and the tear works again. So my friend says I am being manipulated and that this won't last. I was hoping others may tell me from their experience whether this seems like a case of manipulation or there really is some caring between us. I know you can only read into things from the way I have laid it out here. This whole situation is just so darn confusing. I am a good person and felt very bad when sending these break up messages as I don't really know whether she was actually upset on the other end because she cares or was possibly just upset that she put up with me for 1.5 years. Please let me know your thoughts. Sorry for such a long post. My original post was not as detailed and fit into one posting. Hope people will still read and give feedback. |
| May 1, 2018 06:59 | #200 |
| GUEST86717 | I met a very beautiful Chinese girl from Shanghai 10 years ago when I was working there. I am from Germany originally. You can instantly tell she is extremely popular in Shanghai from the way she talks, her fair skin and beautiful features. She graduated from top school in US and was working for an international firm close to my company. It was love at first sight when I first met her, and I tried to approach her everyday ever since after work. She was extremely cold to foreigners and WOW, one day, I was waiting for her with flowers in hand, she tried hard to avoid eye contact with me, but later she turned her head and said," I am very sorry I don't want to have a relationship with foreigners, you look nice I hope you find someone who appreciate you and like you for who you are. God Bless" and disappeared. Six months later I met her in a business forum, I just couldn't believe my luck, of course I couldn't let her escape from my life this time... she didn't expect me to walk up to her and I firmly asked her to give me a chance and give yes or no answer later in fluent Mandarin... She was smiling but didn't say anything. The following week we had lunch together, and we shared a lot about our family up brings and dreams, she was very gracious and I was firm about dating her after that. After six months of hanging out, she finally agreed to be my gf and allowed me to kiss her  then we travelled to Europe together, to visit my families and many beautiful places in a China, I bought her a wedding ring when I got a job offer in Australia and she said" okay unless you agree on what I send you tomorrow". The next day she emailed me a very cute 'Typical recipe of the week', basically 4 days shanghainese cuisine, 3 days Western food, 1 day dine out. "I can't marry you if you want beers and sausages everyday, I can't have mashed potatoes everyday, that's cultural differences... "We are married now for almost 8 years, and she has been such a wonderful wife and selfless mom. I think one of the key reason for happy marriage is great communication and trust. You want a good Chinese wife, you look for someone who can at least speak your language, otherwise how do you connect on a spiritual level? I also find girls from bigger cities are more open-minded and adaptable to western culture. Are Chinese wives needy and materialistic? Not really. My wife has never been materialistic or needy, she only told me we need to have a plan for life and that's all. She is very hardworking compare with German standard and very brainy. I am impressed that she has put our family as her top priority and like many Chinese wives, she is serious about cooking and educating the kids. I have to admit my stomach is turning Chinese and My favourite dish so far is my wife's beef in Oyster sauce. |
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