| Once you marry a Chinese woman, it is tantamount to marrying her entire family. | |
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| Jan 17, 2015 20:29 | #71   |
| GUEST05352 | After reading this article, I can say that I am very depressed, as an independent Greek man who worked hard all his life, I cannot accept marrying a whole family, I just wanted to marry the woman I love and she is Chinese. I am depressed because I see no solution other than divorce. You cannot make an independent hard working man to accept everything and having to feed a whole Chinese family in his house instead of his wife and children. Chinese women who decide to marry in other cultures they should be prepared to accept the differences and should not push their husbands to do everything the way they think it should be done back in China. Are there any married Chinese women with non Chinese men reading these articles here? What do you say?  |
| Feb 10, 2015 07:34 | #72 |
| GUEST07227 | The hard, fast, and simple rule is that nothing is so easily explained as these sites would like to claim. Saying that Chinese (or Russian, or Japanese, or Thai, etc.) can be explained with a few cliched stereotypes is foolish at best. People are people, first and foremost, and while culture plays a big role, it's not the definitive factor. My wife is native Chinese and we have been together for four years. She came here almost three years ago. It's been up and down, but mostly because of me (and some having to do with her daughter). Neither of these have to do with her being Chinese or me being American, but rather the difficulties of blending families. Thankfully, I didn't chose a much younger woman. My wife is only seven years younger than me (currently, I'm 51, she's 44). This would've been disastrous, much as it would be if I tried to marry a 20 or 30-something American woman. Yes, there are certain cultural qualities she has that make her different than the women I've known before. She's very devoted, hard working, kind, patient, and loving. On the flip side, she's also very xenophobic, conservative, and vastly inexperienced, even though she was born and raised in a major city. The differences between open-minded, free thinking, melting pot America and the uniformity (and conformity) of China have been quite a culture shock for her. In time, I think she'll slowly acclimate, but even three years in, she still is shocked by and wary of the open and free society of the United States. As for marrying her family, that hasn't been the case for me at all. Her parents have been very supportive of her, and the two visits I made to China to meet her family were fun, loving, and joyful occasions. Her family is wonderful and has never asked me for a dime. Perhaps I am lucky in that her father had a good job and they have a comfortable life, but that only underscores my point; there are no blanket statements one can make about marrying a foreign woman, just as there are no blanket statements to be made about marrying any woman, foreign or domestic. If you meet and there is chemistry, you have a good chance. If you have the support of her family, she proves herself a solid and contributing partner, and she shows you the commitment and devotion to your relationship that you reciprocate, your odds are that much better. The INS process is long and very expensive, so your love and commitment must be strong. Even after she arrives here, there's still a long way to go. The beauty of meeting someone on the internet is that you put your cards on the table straight-away. As I said before, when you do finally meet, if there is chemistry, and your life goals don't suddenly and inexplicably change, your chances of a long and happy relationship increase dramatically. Take the time on Skype et al to really get to know each other. You'll be glad you did. And get the stereotypes out of your head. She's a woman, not a fantasy or cliche. |
| Feb 13, 2015 15:58 | #73 |
| GUEST18718 | So of the arguments on this forum are true, but definetely not "all". I'm married with a Chinese woman and I have a very cute daughter. I disagree with the money and the family issues. My wife well knows how to spend money and save money. She never buys something expensive if we really don't need it, she doesn't spend much and she even put pressure on me to save some money for the future. And as for the family, you should make it very clear that now, she and you are a seperate family. I told my wife that I want "nothing", really nothing from her family, so they also should not wait anything from me. It worked till now, I hope it'll go on that way. I admire my wife in many aspects. She learnt my language (which isn't English) pretty much fast, in just a year. She never missed a lesson or skipped a homework. Very hardworking in studies, indeed. She takes care of me when I'm ill, has a sense of humor, loves reading books, doesn't want to go to expensive restaurans or 5 star hotels, she is a great cook, can cook both Chinese and my native cuisine. She gets along with my mother, nearly like a real mother - daughter. She hates alchol and doesn't want me drink as well - which, actually, I also dislike-. She loves our daughter, a great mother. But.. um.. there are also some negative sides, such as she's a heavy sleeper, doesn't good at housework (cleaning etc), lazy -always reading something-.. Those might be -I am sure are- personal issues, not something speacial for Chinese. Soo... HERE COMES what CHINESE girls have in common. Yeah, in common. 1- They want a house or an apartment. Not rental. I mean ownership. That's very important for Chinese. Even if your wife won't care much, her relatives and friends would. "Do you have an apartment? No? When will you buy?" that's a common question you'd face. 2- Never yell. Never. You can't win an argument against a Chinese wife. She'd remember every single detail from the past, even those that you wouldn't remember no matter what. And if you insist, she's start crying. She'd try to lock the door and wait inside for? hours? That can be really annoying.. it is annoying. You'd see how terrible it is when she just sit on a sidewalk and doesn't move. Or wait on the other side of the road. The only solution, if you don't want to be embrassed more by the people around, holding her arm and forcing her to move. And if you think I'm short tempered or a terrible man, no. Chinese women can do this for every single little argument. Sometimes you would not even know what did happen.. 3- Good thing is, my wife has been changing. Since we are living away from China, she is getting "normal" in my senses. SO MY ADVISE IS, IF YOU ARE GONNA MARRY A CHINESE; NEVER EVER NEVER NEVER NEVER LIVE IN CHINA FOR THE FIRST 3-4 YEARS OF YOUR MARRIAGE. STAY AWAY FROM CHINA AND OTHER CHINESE AT ALL COST. |
| Feb 26, 2015 07:56 | #74 |
| GUEST53105 | The guy writing that must have wrong illusion / expectation about Chinese women. I would suggest you to get to know the woman well and avoid to be 'a prince rescuing poor princess', because most of them who comes from small village will still hold their Chinese tradition tightly, close-minded, money-minded, ill manner. However, educated modern Chinese woman can also be tricky, they seem sweet to lure you. Again, it all depends on every individual and it's a personal insight.... |
| Mar 23, 2015 00:32 | #75 |
| GUEST20035 | I only wish 2 find a 35/40yr lovely oriental girl. Hopefully our good lord will connect me with a dream !! Thank you everyone |
| Apr 19, 2015 17:12 | #76 |
| GUEST88224 | I have read several of the messages posted here but I chose to answer yours. I met and communicated with a Chinese woman for over 10 months and then visited her in China. I fell in love with her deeply and her family was wonderful and I love them as well. We married in America and I thought we would be happy together in America and we have been for the most part. I had told her that I did not make huge amounts of money and she said at that time that she did not care because I was a very nice man and treated her very well, and of course she loved me deeply as well. Chinese women do value money and materialistic acquisitions very highly and watch out if they meet other Chinese women who have more than they do or their husbands make more money than you do in your home country. They follow the customs of Chinese men and expect you to do the same, (except for the mistress part) who are responsible financially to their wives but their husbands also have mistresses on the side after they feel that their wives are too old for them. In other words, as long as their husbands provide for them a comfortable living arrangement and they do not need to go to work themselves and just go shopping everyday, then they will be satisfied with you. They also have very good memories when it comes to your discrepancies but can find none about themselves, and they are quick to lose their tempers and blast you until you feel worthless. I still love my Chinese wife, deeply, but sometimes it is very difficult to get through a day without her bringing up the fact I do not make as much money as her Chinese friends husbands do or that we do not have what she thinks or reasons that love should be, which is usually connected to money in some way. As for making love, or showing any kind of affection, like kissing, holding hands, or just holding each other, that is something that may or may or may not happen, especially if she decides that she wants to bring up something from the past that should have been laid to rest long ago just before you go to bed.. Chinese women are just the same as other women when it comes to a husband supporting them, it is just they attach money to that love more than most women do. Loving someone should not come with an attachment of how much money or material possessions you may have, or any kind of conditions except for loving the person through their faults and the kind of person they are within. (you can call me a hopeless romantic but that is the way I have always felt that love should be) I love my Chinese wife in that way, regardless of what she says to me or does, I have always loved her the same way...deeply. It is unfortunate that the Chinese culture has always thought that every American man, Canadian man, or Englishman, is wealthy and there is nothing we can do about it, regardless of nice we treat our Chinese wives. |
| Apr 24, 2015 13:49 | #77 |
| GUESTRC | Doesn't sound all that different then any other type wife,sounds as though she at least will let you know whats on her Mind instead of beat tin around the bush in order to control and munipulate. |
| Apr 26, 2015 18:02 | #78 |
| GUESTNAOMI M... | Holy Cow! You have provided me with the knowledge I already know! Now, some questions of my own: If the man has family, does she also take an instant dislike to them? Yes I know about the Taiwanese (in this case) occupation. Do you find they know everything better then you regardless if you are an elder or not? My husband and I are presently at my sons' home (or should I make that 'her' home, all he does is pays all of the bills) helping to take care of our grandson. Her parents were staying with them until our DIL announced she was pregnant and then her parents flipped out; telling her to abort the child and divorce our son and go back to Taiwan with them. We have not received one meal since we've been here with the exception of a Thanksgiving Day and Christmas Day meal. We feel this was more to accommodate her friends as she had several of them there. This has nothing really to do with her being Asian but is it the culture or something? I was raised to respect my elders and if someone is at my home, they will have a refreshment or join us in evening meal. I am just sick of the 'I can do it better then you' attitude which I feel emanates from her every time I try to help. As a first generation mixed American, I had to help bring in family income by working since the age of six to clean houses with my sisters. I am also Jewish and koshering a home is like second nature to me. I literally clean with a tooth brush, then the other day, I get - 'I found a better brush then tooth brush, it cleans better'. I hate to say this but I cannot wait to go back to our home after our granddaughter is born. I hate walking on egg shells and my husband will not speak to my son about growing some cojones. So let me shut my mouth now. I just had to get all of this out. |
| May 2, 2015 11:31 | #79 |
| GUEST67169 | just reading through this site, as i was interested to get peoples opinions on dating sites really, sorry GUEST22772, your nearly right on your assumption about the age thing, its actually 27 years old then it seems life is not complete if they are not married by this age, then they become Sheng Nu, or translated, Unwanted, anyway that's by the by, I am shocked by the ages myself of these , well what i can only describe as "Girls" or young women, I am 51, and regularly get messages from women as young as 29, which in my country would be frowned upon as being a dirty old git really, (Ime From UK ) and even women at 34 really is still young but when i read their letters, its like, they are the old ones, anyway, I was looking for advice on this sort of thing as i have 4 very nice ladies, who i am trying to decide on which one i should keep contact with, I know one i would be at a very good advantage with as both her parents have passed away, well so she says, just commenting on the privacy bit, I want to know what i am getting myself into, really, by the sounds of most of the write ups here,It does not bode well getting involved with a Chinese woman am i wrong?, I do not even visit the other sites, as i do not trust the women on there, south american, eastern European, but i seem to have an affinity to the Chinese site, and will admit the Chinese lady's are beautiful, so can anyone give me advice that i can use? what to look out for, I know some things to keep an eye out on, but would like to hear from anyone with allot of experience in this field of exploration lol, what am i getting myself into?, i am quite a laid back , mild minded guy would i survive? as Chinese women sound controlling, or have i misread that? any advice before i take the plunge into the unknown would be appreciated, and may either stop me making a complete ass of myself, or actually, finding the right lady for me. my email is hotmail.co.uk|s.e.morris thanks... |
| May 5, 2015 05:54 | #80 |
| GUEST38194 | Hi there, just found this thread by googling around. I agree with most being married now to a Chinese woman in her her late 30's. For more than 8 years now and there are some differences in cultural perception but especially when it comes to priorities, we have a 7 yr. old son together, we live with her 'crazy' mother who completely wants to control everything, even when or how we should have sex !! Her family members pop in and out whenever they feel right without asking for my consent nor respect my European commons of cleanliness or a healthy social interaction within a family environment. My wife does not like doing housework, thou she and her mother take soley care about my little one 'only' expecting me to bring money home whatever else i do they do not care much, meaning as long as i provide i pretty much have a free pass whatever i desire. Since i am faithful to my wife i do love her i do not fool around with other woman but she stated if that;s what i need to get sexually satisfied i am free to do so. Which is quite frankly shocking to me. Bottom line is: the man is the money provider in China and the care a man needs in a more Western sense is secondary, especially after having kids together.The problem started when i lost my last job and managed to setup now my own company with her, if i demand to have sex she always comes up 'I should not think about sex instead bring money home" Chinese are so damn practical and easily forget that money is not everything but asking me whether my day was ok or giving me a simple hug and/or kiss would mean a lot, BUT not so with traditional Chinese woman where 'STABILITY' means everything and other desires have to wait, sometimes for 'months'.... So my advice living and working here in China and getting married to a Chinese lady, damn better make sure you are not just a English exchange student, better be a big gun, at least CEO level from a big international company here in China. Chinese ladies expect when marriewd with a foreigner 'face value' IF you cannot provide this you are in deep troubles. Marriage here not necessarily means 'love' sadly in many cases just 'social status' I am not a student, i am at a management level, just got recently laid off. My bet and my 2 cents. Mark |
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