Once you marry a Chinese woman, it is tantamount to marrying her entire family.

Once you marry a Chinese woman, it is tantamount to marrying her entire family.
May 8, 2015 12:36	#81
GUEST80859	In reading the posts, and knowing quite a few American Male/Chinese Female couples, I have to say that if you are considering marrying a Chinese woman, the cultural differences are more universally the same. Each woman may have a different personality or motive, so to make a broad statement about all Chinese wives is not accurate. I am overjoyed to be married to my younger Chinese wife for the past 4 years (Me47/her29). She is everything that most American wives are not (respectful, kind, patient, smart, rational, feminine, healthy, etc.). My life is fantastic with my beautiful wife, and I wish all 50+% of American men in bad marriages could have 1 10th of what I have. We met in China during my work trips to import goods. We have a 2 year old daughter. The good times in the marriage are never sullied with bad times, just very slight and occasional disagreements. If you are going to marry a Chinese woman, here is what I needed to know before marrying my wife: 1. Marrying the family -There is some truth to that. The connection between my wife and her family is very tight. It is not like Western cultures, where you leave the nest and that is it. Historically, the Chinese think of lineage, and the kids are still part of the family even as they marry. My father-in-law has been out twice in 3 years for extended visits. He doesn't plan on living with us, but it could easily happen. Have a discussion ahead of time about FAMILY expectations. Start with how much money each year that you are going to "SEND" back to the family for CNY, Weddings, Birthdays, etc. After the first year, I had my wife make a budget for the amount of money that we have to send back (Usually about $2500 per year). The budget is important because if you do not get this writing ahead of time, the surprise will be worse. 2. Spending money on Family - My wife wants to send money and buy gifts for her parents and grandparents. I want to do that for my children (1st marriage). We were each stunned at the amount and the reason for doing this after she arrived in the US. Again, discuss this ahead of time and budget within your means. My wife is frugal, but not when it comes to sending money back. She struggles with gifts at Christmas or Birthdays for my children, which usually amount to the same. 3. Raising the Child - My wife is an excellent mother, but if you are planning on having children with your wife get ready for your mother-in-law to raise the child. Now, luckily for me, my MIL is afraid to fly because of travel sickness, but it is customary in China for grandmothers to raise the child as parents go off to work. 4. House in China - My wife desperately wants a house in China, even if we never live in it. I have been able to use the rational argument overpriced/China real estate bubble, for now. Overall, these are tiny inflections on an absolutely perfect marriage. I would do it again and again

May 8, 2015 12:36

#81

GUEST80859

In reading the posts, and knowing quite a few American Male/Chinese Female couples, I have to say that if you are considering marrying a Chinese woman, the cultural differences are more universally the same. Each woman may have a different personality or motive, so to make a broad statement about all Chinese wives is not accurate.

I am overjoyed to be married to my younger Chinese wife for the past 4 years (Me47/her29). She is everything that most American wives are not (respectful, kind, patient, smart, rational, feminine, healthy, etc.). My life is fantastic with my beautiful wife, and I wish all 50+% of American men in bad marriages could have 1 10th of what I have.

We met in China during my work trips to import goods. We have a 2 year old daughter. The good times in the marriage are never sullied with bad times, just very slight and occasional disagreements. If you are going to marry a Chinese woman, here is what I needed to know before marrying my wife:

1. Marrying the family -There is some truth to that. The connection between my wife and her family is very tight. It is not like Western cultures, where you leave the nest and that is it. Historically, the Chinese think of lineage, and the kids are still part of the family even as they marry. My father-in-law has been out twice in 3 years for extended visits. He doesn't plan on living with us, but it could easily happen. Have a discussion ahead of time about FAMILY expectations. Start with how much money each year that you are going to "SEND" back to the family for CNY, Weddings, Birthdays, etc. After the first year, I had my wife make a budget for the amount of money that we have to send back (Usually about $2500 per year). The budget is important because if you do not get this writing ahead of time, the surprise will be worse.

2. Spending money on Family - My wife wants to send money and buy gifts for her parents and grandparents. I want to do that for my children (1st marriage). We were each stunned at the amount and the reason for doing this after she arrived in the US. Again, discuss this ahead of time and budget within your means. My wife is frugal, but not when it comes to sending money back. She struggles with gifts at Christmas or Birthdays for my children, which usually amount to the same.

3. Raising the Child - My wife is an excellent mother, but if you are planning on having children with your wife get ready for your mother-in-law to raise the child. Now, luckily for me, my MIL is afraid to fly because of travel sickness, but it is customary in China for grandmothers to raise the child as parents go off to work.

4. House in China - My wife desperately wants a house in China, even if we never live in it. I have been able to use the rational argument overpriced/China real estate bubble, for now.

Overall, these are tiny inflections on an absolutely perfect marriage. I would do it again and again

Jun 14, 2015 13:06

#82

GUEST62755

What I learn about marrying a Chinese woman (was married for 6 years ) their rules are simple .
1 what is yours is no longer yours it belongs to her. her`s is her`s your`s is her`s period
2 don't ask about were the money the went be lucky . had a checking account for 6 years an never had more than 10.00 in, don't ask about Chinese bank accounts none of your business
3 your family became trash she had no use for them unless it was for her benefit
4 maybe / I`ll think about it /we`ll see , means NO and that's final
5 Chinese women have a network here in the USA a whole website for what ever they need to know or were to go to get what they want( an to meet other Chinese women in there state were they live.
6 This should be number 1 ...NEVER NEVER EVER MAKE A CHINESE WOMEN CRY if you do you just signed up for your divorce , they don't forget an never ever forgive

YES I was married to a beautiful loving woman for the first year after that the greed sat in ,, we bought a home her a new car she went to school had no debt she had total control of all monies coming in , everything seem great until she graduated from college an her child got USA citizenship an started college
Then I was was trash nothing could make her happy ,so she went to nyc for a week to visit a Chinese girl friend , which turn out to be a guy an everything after that is history , I don't feel hate or any anger for her, just sorry ( the guy she left me for couldn't afford to rub two nickels together she left him in less 4 months Karma[mood

Jun 21, 2015 07:04

#83

GUESTTYLER40K

I am currently married to my Chinese wife for a little over a year and living in China for the full experience.
First I want to say that every woman is different. My wife is truly Chinese, with a highly traditional family and deep rooted nonsensical beliefs. Some people stated that Chinese mothers push their children. That is true, but as for happiness... In Chinese culture money IS happiness. Most of the kids here are miserable. They are driven day and night to study and learn thrown into extra lessons which they have no interest in. This is partly for maintaining face of being a good parent, for helping their children get good test scores so they can get into good colleges so they can make lots of "happiness", or even because the parents are too busy making happiness themselves to actually raise their children. Luckily for me, my wife isn't THAT Chinese woman. Some families' focus are so much on money that they don't raise their children at all and the children are raised exclusively by their grandparents. More extreme and less common(but still far too common) are parents sending their kids to live at their teachers house, who only provide studies, food and shelter.

Get ready for a massive culture conflict!!! Up is down and left is right. My wife thinks our child is so incredibly weak that even if there's a slight breeze coming his way, she will shield him like the wind was carrying the plague. My son needs to have a dead plant carried around with him at all times to keep evil spirits at bay. I'm not aloud to kiss my son while he's sleeping or he will always have a hard time growing up. The first 1-3 months after birth a woman has something called a sitting month/s. During this time she cannot leave the house, cannot wash her hair(or she will become sick when she is old), and for some more extreme cases, cannot even take a shower. Also, she too cannot be around any kind of wind, not even our electric fan during the hot summer month.

It's true about the being extremely protective of their children. They care and nurture the children too much. Most are overprotective, while some just have children to please their family. The overprotection, I would think, would make the child view themselves as weak too. This is especially the case for women in China who are seen as being fragile and thus need 100s of old traditions to keep them safe. When I ask why an American woman is so strong and doesn't follow any of the traditions, my wife responds, "because our bodies are very different. The Chinese woman is born weak".

Again, I love my wife very much but the cultural ideas and philosophies are vastly different. I believe it would be much easier for the husband if living in America though. I just want to say good luck, it's tough at times, and damn good at others.

Jun 28, 2015 13:15	#84
GUEST53238	100 % Bro totally agree with everything! !!!! . I am not married but studied for 4 years in Beijing. Aware of everything!!!!

Jun 29, 2015 01:47	#85
GUEST94101	uk\|s.e.morris I have some experience in your quest email me at yahoo.com\|joebrink230

Jun 29, 2015 02:10

#86

GUEST94101

I have been married for 4 years now to my chinese . My wife and her daughter have been in the US for 2 years now. Most of these comments hit home. The good and the bad. At the end of the first year my wife wanted to earn more money. And by the way in her eyes money is #1 and love is 2nd, So through her syndicate of communication she found better paying job in Nevada where she lives now and works every day. I have talked to other couples like me. Is this common ?

Jul 1, 2015 21:15

#87

GUEST42224

Sounds like true love, as you say. She wanted to marry a man in order to be on even terms with her mother, sisters, and girlfriends. And you happily fit the slot. Now, so long as you do not argue with her and do as you are told, and buy her what she wishes to obtain, that is to say, you meet her terms and conditions, then she will "love" you; but one miss step and she will show you just how conditional her love is. It sounds like she is very grateful that you married her and that she reminds you of it all too often.

Jul 10, 2015 09:03	#88
GUEST24208	I joined a Chinese dating site looking for true love and respect. I ended up giving up, as I was not really sure that the replies were genuine. I ended up Googling the Chinese woman's replies, only to find identical profile comments of other women. Still looking for love, but now hesitant. Also my elderly mother needs constant looking after, so moving out is not an option. Hmmm, frustrated!

Jul 14, 2015 02:37

#89

GUESTROY

I guess marrying a Chinese woman can be as bad as you described but I've been married to one for several years and its been, for the most part, wonderful. She is extremely good to me as I try to be to her. And her family is over 1000 miles away in Dong Bei (we live in Shenzhen) so that's never a problem. Plus, its only her and her mother... and me, now. :^). So, it can be very good, too. I was very choosy when selcting. Took me 2 years. My preference was: she must be a Traditional Chinese woman and never married before. And, wow, is she wonderful!

Jul 14, 2015 03:57	#90
GUEST57194	So..ALL Chinese women that desire foreigners have personality issues? Implying that you've met and psychologically assessed ALL these women in person? Hmm...Sounds like you're the one with severe personality issues.

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