| What should I do? | |
|---|---|
| Nov 6, 2013 21:38 |   |
| guest6949 | When somebody gets married, we send him/her a red envelope. When somebody moves to his/her new apartment, we give him/her a red envelope. When somebody has a baby, we give him/her a red envelope. When the Chinese New Year comes, we give the children red envelopes. The red envelope is not just a red envelope. It contains a certain amount of money. Chinese people give the red envelopes on special occasions mentioned above. I got married two years ago. One of my friends gave me a red envelope which contained 100 RMB. Last year, she got married and I gave her a red envelope containing 100 RMB too. Just a few days ago, I chatted with another friend. She told me that my friend who got married last year once complained I should have given her more money. It’s true. Chinese RMB depreciates in China but appreciates in global market. Two years ago, a bowl of noodles cost 6 RMB. Today, I have to pay 9 or 10 RMB for it. Does it mean that I should give her a red envelope containing 150 or 200 RMB? |
| Nov 11, 2013 08:02 | #1 |
| GUEST92131 | First, how do you know that this second friend is telling the truth? Let's say she did, then 100 RMB was appropriate. True, there is inflation, but not 50% a year. The increase in the price of bowl of noodles is not a precise measurement of CPI (consumer price index). Anyway, stay friends with the one who got married and see where your friendship with her goes. |
| Nov 12, 2013 02:22 | #2 |
 | 6949, Are you the one who posted similar message on Sina Weibo? Just kidding! I read a similar message on the Weibo posted by a girl. She wrote that she presented herself at her friend's wedding after four hours train journey and gave her friend a red envelope of CNY 200. Five years later, she got married. Her friend told her that she was busy with her kid and couldn’t attend her wedding. Therefore, her friend asked another person to give her red envelope. After the wedding feast, she opened the red envelope and found there was CNY 200 inside. She was a little unhappy. If they were good friends, she wouldn’t have felt unhappy. Perhaps, she is really busy with her kid. If they were good friends, she wouldn’t care about how much money he returned. The below is my experience. I have six best friends who studied together with me in the same high school. Although we went to different colleges, we still keep in touch with each other. The youngest girl of my six best friends got married in 2007. Of course she invited us to attend her wedding ceremony. You know, I was the only one who got a job. The other five still studied in colleges. They didn’t have much money. I should say that the girl was very smart. She told us that we needn’t give her red envelopes because she wouldn’t give to any of us in the future. She just expected all of us to gather together again. More importantly, she emphasized that our friendship is eternal and can’t be measured by money. The first one who got married set the rule for all of us. In the following years, my other four friends and I got married. We didn’t give each other a red envelope but came together five times. At the end of this month, the youngest boy of my five best friends will get married and hold a wedding ceremony. Of course I will come back and see him and others together. You know, it’s difficult for us to reunite since we settle down in different cities. In a word, don't let the money ruin your friendship. |
| Nov 13, 2013 17:30 | #3 |
| It should be the thought that counts not the amount. It is sad that friendship should now be calculated financially. Red envelopes are supposed to be anonymous. |
| Nov 13, 2013 21:16 | #4 |
| Gaffer, In fact, almost all people sign their names on the red envelopes. If you attend at some Chinese weddings, you will notice that there is usually a desk somewhere. Someone sits there to collect red envelopes. He/she opens the red envelopes in public and writes down the guest’s name and how much money he/she puts in the red envelope on a red notebook. In the future, the couples check the notebook and return the red envelopes to them if they get married, have babies, move to new houses etc. Some couples even put a gong beside the desk. When the “clerk” receives red envelopes containing a lot of money (2000 RMB for example), he will sound the gong and speak out loudly “XXX, 2000 RMB.” Then the guests queuing up in line feel surprised and then open their red envelopes to put more money inside. Really interesting! The couple can receive more red envelopes with the help of the gong. What’s more, there are usually two red notebooks. One is for bride’s relatives and friends and the other is for the groom’s relatives and friends. If you are a friend of the groom, go and give your red envelope to the one who collects the red envelopes for the groom. If you are a friend of the bride, go and find the one who collects the red envelopes for the bride. Do you know what I do when I attend my friend’s weddings? If my male friends get married, I just give the red envelopes with my signature to him privately. If my female friends get married, I give it to her privately too. No one knows how much money I put inside the red envelope excluding the groom or bride. |
Last edited by SUNNYDREAM: Nov 13, 2013 21:17 |
| Nov 18, 2013 04:48 | #5 |
| 100 RMB is fine, so is 50. So are two 20s. You are a gweilo, don't sweat it. It's a tradition, not a college tuition. |
| Nov 18, 2013 19:49 | #6 |
| Mike, The identity of gweilo is not an excuse for giving a red envelope containing less money, especially when you marry a Chinese wife. You are a Lao Wai but you are the husband of your Chinese wife. If you put just 50 yuan in the red envelope, you will embarrass your wife. Some people might expect to receive a big red envelope from you. They think that the foreigner is richer than them. |
| Nov 23, 2013 21:48 | #7 |
| In my locality gifts are not a must. One can give or not to give. It is just a celebration announcing that he or she is no longer bachelor or available. Setting a tradition into dollar and cent is worth for a revisit to ponder. If my daughter gets married, I will make a wedding celebration within my means, not expecting others to give through "forced" donations. No wonder, one Chinese "nephew" told me "I have no red envelop, uncle" thinking he needs to give something to the bride and groom. Wan |
| Nov 27, 2013 00:51 | #8 |
| No wonder, one Chinese "nephew" told me "I have no red envelop, uncle" thinking he needs to give something to the bride and groom. I read it twice. Firstly, I thought your Chinese nephew asked for the red envelope from you.  Do you give red envelopes to your Chinese friends' kids when you meet them during the Chinese Spring Festival? |
| Nov 27, 2013 05:09 | #9 |
| I told him it's OK to attend and eat even without red envelop. Friends' kids? Usually I give money to the needy and poor people. Wan |
| Nov 28, 2013 20:19 | #10 |
| Haha, thanks for telling me, Wan. I am sure that you know Chinese people send red envelopes to the young children during the Spring Festival. |
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