| What do you think of Chinese "Mistress Phenomenon"? | |
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| Oct 29, 2007 02:20 | #31   |
| GUESTTANYA | I would say that there are also some things to consider. Like what if th marriage is already not owrking for years and the wife keeps on holding and making things hard for his partner to move on? Being a mistress I believe has not just because of poverty I would say that its really case to case basis. There are also lot of reasons why do husbands look for other woman and there is also a saying it takes two to tango so I dont think its not always the husband's fault. |
| Oct 29, 2007 11:33 | #32 |
 | I heard that some government officials were caught with mistresses (and spending public money on them). Anyways, they were reprimanded... their boss made them do a video confession that was passed on to their families. The future hires (in higher positions) are made to watch that video of those former official's apologies to their families as a warning of what can happen to their career if they choose to do that. I think the idea was if someone can do that in private (ie hide something so big from their family), that they could do the same thing to their employer. Do you agree with this? I am not quite sure what to think... sometimes I look at countries like France particularly where the president is expected to have a mistress, a most public one. And it's no big deal. I think that someone can be very good at their job but not good at their romantic or family life. But then, on the other hand, in U.S. or even England, its really frowned upon... |
| Nov 1, 2007 23:12 | #33 |
| Quote: "There are also lot of reasons why do husbands look for other woman and there is also a saying it takes two to tango so I dont think its not always the husband's fault. " GUESTTANYA , this is a good statement. Yeah, it takes to tango. Mistress phenomenon has its root in China. Since the Polygamy was abandoned in China, the problem of keepinmg mistress emergered. |
| Apr 4, 2008 05:56 | #34 |
| GUESTGUESTX | 33 posts in this thread and it seems as if no one is writing from personal experience. I'd like to offer a different perspective. I'm a foreign man, around 40, resident in China for more than 12 years. I have a Chinese wife and several children each of whom I adore. My wife is a year younger than me. She is beautiful (rarely do I find that she is not the most beautiful girl in the room), despite the children she is in great shape. She is exceptionally clever. She is kind and great with the children. I would marry her again tomorrow and I hope that when I'm dying, she is the one beside me. I am as much in love with her now as I was on the day that I asked her to marry me more than 10 years ago. When I've finished writing this I'll go downstairs, pick her up, make her laugh, help put the children to bed and then we'll watch a movie together. However I also have a mistress whom I financially support. I'm fortunate that money is not an issue for me. The money that I send to my mistress has no impact at all on my family. I would never do it otherwise. She is a creature of glorious physical perfection - I can't put it any other way – if I were to post a picture her she would just knock your socks off. Even if there was no physical element to our relationship I could sit and look at her as I would a work of art. I went to an all male boarding school and as a young man I was clumsy with women, I didn't know how to talk to them. The idea that I would have a relationship with a woman who looks like this would be a crazy fantasy. She knows that I love my wife and that I will never leave her and yes I know that its about money for her. At the same time it is a relationship which is extremely honest and human and genuinely caring. If it were only about the money she could walk into my office next Monday and blackmail me for enough money that she’d never have to work again. She has the ability to be very successful in her own right and perhaps I can help her overcome the disadvantages of her background. At some point it will have to end and I hope deeply that she will find her own true love and that when she is a grandmother she will look back and think of me as one of her dearest friends and someone who helped her to achieve happiness. Yes it is deeply selfish and it is about my ego and yes I’m playing with fire but there are positives. I believe it makes me a better husband to my wife, more attentive, less easily irked by those small irritants of marriage. Superficially, I’ve lost weight, I have more energy I have a spring in my step. My wife and my mistress are the same Chinese zodiac sign and the same month of birth, just 12 years apart, although they have different backgrounds they are very similar and could be good friends although that would presumably be over my dead body! I’m sure that some people will hate what I have said but I hope that a few of you will see that the man who keeps a mistress is not necessarily a monster. . |
| Apr 6, 2008 22:25 | #35 |
| GUESTGUESTX Frankly speaking, the men who keep mistresses have bad reputation in China, not only because they committed the misconduct ( which is against the social norms), but also because they are generally hypocritical. When they had affairs with mistresses, they dare not admit the truth. On the contrary, they blamed either their wives or mistresses for the affairs. It pretended that the affairs are not their own fault but others. As for your case, I appreciate your honesty and openness. I don't stereotype you as a monster. At least, you didn' t try to disguise yourself and blamed your mistress. I won't make more comments on your private life. Anyhow, life is a one-way journey. Hopefully, we all can make intelligent actions so that we won't regret what we have done. Wish you cherish the beloved ones and treat the two ladies who adore you fairly. |
| Apr 15, 2008 06:17 | #36 |
| GUESTGUESTX I appreciate your honesty as well. I deeply love my wife, but I understand how it feels to look next door and see greener pastures, especially with the small--and big--quirks of marriage. I'm sure we all have different moral standards, but we need to realize that this is happening. Opening our eyes will help us understand human nature and ourselves better. Thanks again for sharing. Guys, if you don't already, I recommend you listed to 'Say Goodbye' from the Dave Matthews band (http://www.dmband.com/ |
| Feb 20, 2009 20:25 | #37 |
| GUEST50231 | I live in China and see this happening around me all the time. It is in fact that most "pverty stricken" girls do aspire to be mistresses to escape their life style. However, can you define what state is poverty? Sometimes the money is not to take care of the girl's family but for the girl to afford new dresses and cell phones that her friends can envy. It is a fast and easy way out instead of having to work hard. If by chance that these girls do strike it rich and get married to rich man, then it is their dream to get a passport and stay at home with the kids with maids and gardeners. They would live their life with their friends getting massages and playing majong. It is sad though when they have reached this stage of becoming a wife, their husbands then soon find a new mistresses and they now have become the victim. Where does all this craziness end? Does it make sense to be married as there is absolutely no boundaries? as AL32 said, I am not here to judge but it makes you wonder |
| Feb 25, 2009 01:10 | #38 |
| GUESTEMASEK | Maybe if you understand why Men want Sex and Women want Love, you might find some kind of answer... (hopefully) Men are frustrated with women because they never want sex.  Women are frustrated with men because they always want sex.  Women blame men they don't know how to love. Men blame women that they only talk about love but don't want to make it. The reason humans want sex is due to the hormone testosterone, which is predominantly male hormone. A normal male's body produces 20 times more of this hormone than a female's. Knowing this simple difference, you can already understand the pain of the opposite gender. It's NOT their fault: they are made this way! It's in our genes! This is the reason why men are men and women are women. Men and women are DIFFERENT. Not better or worse, just different. So, there is no need to be bitter about men wanting sex and women wanting love. Those two are the necessary pieces of the puzzle called Survival Of The Species. Mind-blowing sex  or exhilarating love.  |
| Mar 2, 2009 03:49 | #39 |
| GUEST579 | GUESTEMASEK,   your post is so funny. It makes me laugh for a while. In your eyes, women and men are so different. Don't you think they have something in common? You think men don't have any trace of love. They care only for sex? |
| Jun 30, 2009 15:20 | #40 |
| GUESTJIANFEI | Having a mistress is fine, provided you have adhered to the rules. 1. Always protect the wife, at all costs. The wife is sacred and so is your family with her. 2. If the mistress and wife make contact, end the relationship with the mistress. 3. If you are forced to choose between wife and mistress, you must choose wife as you have already failed by allowing your wife to find out. 4. Never spend more than 25% of your total income on your mistress. 5. Never run to your mistress if your married life have arguement. The mistress can be a great tool to maintaining a healthy marriage. When feeling stress/tension in marriage the mistress is a good way to release that stress/tension without harming the marriage. A loyal mistress understands this and uses these moments to her advantage. For a man to have mistress or more than one mistress, it takes a mature strong minded man. |
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